When you hold a flame to an unlit wick
It takes an unbearably long time to catch.
The wick is pretty and new,
Covered from top to bottom
In a waxy coating of armour
That keeps it safe longer.

When you hold a flame to a previously lit wick
It catches fire within a few seconds of exposure.
The wick isn't so new anymore,
It's walls have been burned down
It's armour is gone and the
Beaten up wick is vulnerable.

I look at my left wrist,
The fleshy part,
And I see a window
Into my dark past.
Yes, there are scars
From battles that I fought
And demons that I tried
To cut out of myself.
I grew up playing
Doctor and house,
But no one ever told me
Not to cut the demons out of myself.
I could feel them inside me,
So I tried to get them out,
But my knife wasn't sharp enough,
Or my inscisions were too shallow.
I tried knives and other blades,
I tried alcoholism and drugs,
I tried filling the void with other things,
And popped pills around the clock.
I thought, if I can't **** my demons, maybe they'll **** me,
But I don't want to seem defeated,
So I cut out the middle man,
And tried on my own to **** me.

I woke up in a hospital,
In a gown I'd never seen.
My arms and legs were strapped down
And I began to scream.
Not a scream like getting spooked,
Or when you're taken by surprise,
But the scream of a girl in horror movie,
During her process of being exorcised.
I screamed in horror
And I screamed in pain
Realizing what I had failed to do
And my life would never be the same.

Close your eyes,
Shut them tight,
Your mind is restless,
And it's late at night.

Your thoughts keep racing,
Your head is pounding,
And before you know it,
Your alarm will be sounding.

You need to rest,
Trust me, dear,
Go to sleep
And ignore your fears.

A new day is starting,
As this one comes to an end,
Gather your last thoughts,
And let the days mend.

You needn't worry,
Be anxious, or have fear,
No matter how far I am,
For you, I'll always be here.

Because sometimes she wishes
Her heart would stop beating
And her lungs stop breathing
All at once...

Hi, I'm sorry for texting you so late it's just that everything feels like it's falling apart and I can't even recognize myself anymore sometimes it feels like I'm not even the one living my life I'm just watching it like a movie I'm just going through the motions and I don't know who to talk to anymore because I just keep making more problems but I need help I need someone to hold me and tell me it's okay I don't know how to make it through this on my own please just come save me

I know where you are right now because I have been there too, I know how it feels to be so sad for so long that you can't imagine being happy again, to be so sad for so long that you stop trying to be happy again and so you just feed the sadness, just try to give it what it wants in the hope that it will be content enough to spare you, but feeding it only helps it grow. You have to starve it out. You have to lock it up, have to tell it "no", have to fight it. It will claw at the back of your eyelids, it will moan and howl so loud that you cannot hear your own thoughts, you will ache because it is aching and you and it are one but you have to remind yourself that it is created entirely of you, but only a portion of you is made of it. You have to make it shrink. It will not be easy. There will be days when you give in, when you feel bad for it, withering away, and so you throw it scraps of food under the table but there will also be days when it is silent. It will have grown so weak that it can no longer pound on the door, it will lie still there in the dark and you will forget about it, if only for a moment, and you have to hold onto that. There will be good days, days when you think to yourself "this is how happy people feel on a regular basis," days that remind you why you are fighting this beast in the first place and the next day may be bad again, you may not hear that silence again for weeks but when you cannot see an end to this torture, you have to remind yourself of the good days, you have to keep them tucked underneath your pillow and reminisce about the way walking felt easy for a day before you go to bed, you have to keep telling yourself that although this is an uphill battle, it will be so much easier on the way down the other side and the view from the mountaintop is breathtaking. You have to convince yourself that you want that mountaintop, have to tell yourself that the good days are worth the fight, that the sadness will not last forever, that you are not made of darkness although it is made of you. You have to starve it out; it is so much easier to live when you only have to feed yourself.

I wonder whose arms I would run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved

Words find their way.
Hearts speak through fingers.
Reading eyes are mirrored in
Ink systematically spilled in
The shape of sounds
And minds.

A pen resting on the table is a
Flatline.
A blank piece of paper merely
Dead, compressed wood.
Don't deny us your genius.
There is no try in poetry.

Where have you been?
Where are you going?
We suffer day in and day out,
Without understanding or knowing.
Explain to me where you've been,
You'll say, what you've done,
And how proud you are,
And it is, but doesn't seem to be so bizzare.
We are so shallow with each other,
We know nothing about our friends,
We share our deepest problems,
Hoping that maybe they can solve them.
But they don't know our past,
They don't really know who we are,
So how are they to help us?
And why do we, in them, put all our trust?
We are confusing beings,
Creatures of our own
Problem creating, attention seekers,
Without reason, we're emotional believers.

"When you're at the bottom,
There's nowhere to go but up".
When you've hit you're all time low,
You start to envy those at the top.
You give your least effort,
And strive for average.
You feel weighed down,
And carry so much baggage.
Everything you do
Causes you to be distressed,
You only focus on the negatives
And don't realize that you're blessed.
You crawl through each day,
Trying not to suffer,
But day after day,
It gets tougher and tougher.
Hang in there though,
The good will come to you,
I know it's tough right now,
But try not to be so blue.
Hold on tight,
And hold your head high,
Try not to cry,
Because pretty soon, you'll fly.