She sets herself apart,
Though not with higher respect,
Sometimes she gets up to average,
But settles for the level of regret.
She does not want your sympathy,
She just wants someone to listen,
But she can't find the words to speak to anyone
Even those whose hearts glisten
With a passion to help her.
She is a lost cause,
A case that can't be solved,
She has a negative mindset and intentions that she needs to be resolved
By someone, who understands what it's like to be so alone,
While still among many others whose lights in their hearts have shone for them, She needs that light.
She needs someone who can help her to make sense of it all,
But no words can describe her feelings or why she has them,
But she needs to tell someone what's going on
Before it eats her alive,
Before she explodes,
Before she dies inside.
Nothing in this world can show what it's like,
Living every day without light,
And living life without nights
Because she doesn't  sleep much,
If ever at all,
She seems to be losing touch with the world
As it slowly keeps turning from Spring to Fall.
She closes herself off
And shuts herself down,
She shuts everyone out and let's no one around
To help her,
Though inside she's screaming "SOMEBODY HELP ME",
It's impossible to just let all of it go, and
She can't set herself free.
She is tired of fighting so hard to stay strong,
Now the only strong thing about her is the stream down her face,
Everything in her life was dreadful or going wrong,
And the only thing that could possibly help is God's grace.
Nothing seemed to please her more than the thought of leaving this Earth,
It seemed to be all she talked about;
Her only thought since birth,
Or at least as far back as she could remember,
A thought which seemed like an ember with such high potential to start a spark;
A spark that could become a fire,
Growing farther and higher that could burn down this whole world,
This place we call our home,
Burning the world, however, might do justice to those like her, who feel so alone.

The weight on my shoulders,
The pressure on my spine,
I was pulled from the wreckage,
Lucky to be alive.

But am I really lucky?
What is there for me to live for?
The guilt, pain, being a burden,
And others, always expecting more?

My body aches and cracks,
Like I am old and frail,
But I'm just a kid, a teenager,
With a few loose nails.

******* up and odd,
I had my whole life planned out,
But once I was pulled from the wreckage,
Those plans have turned to doubts.

Poetry is the voice
Of the hearts too damaged
To speak the language
Of a people who are not healed
Or healing, but of those
Who were never tattered to begin with.
It is the opportunity
To convey a message
In the only way known,
By those of us who have
Lost touch with the world
And everyone inside it.
We are not yet healing, or healed,
But in the depths of our wounds,
Some of us more injured than others
Yet all in the same swirling
Bottemless pit of depression
And aching.
Depression- such a powerful word,
Though never drawing attention to oneself
WE are in this abyss
Of nothingness and lonliness
Swirling around each other,
Bumping into each other,  but never leaving.

I want to be remembered.
I feel like it's so generic to say,
But my biggest wish is to be known
After my death;
And for people to wish that
They had the opportunity to meet me,
Have a conversation with me,
And really get to know me as a person.
I want to be accomplished,
Rather than a pile of ash
After death.
I want people to search my name
Looking for a biography online,
I want people to write reports about me
And read books about my life.
I don't want fame and fortune
During my lifetime,
But I want the knowledge of
Being acknowledged and remembered
Well after I am gone.
The wish is the easy part,
Making it happen...
That's a different story.

A text message that reads,
"I need you. Please help me."
Sends you back to me
Quicker than anything.
This isn't a love poem about
How I lost the love of my life,
Begged for them back and
They came back to me.
This is about a friend.
Someone who cares about me,
And puts me before them self.
This is about a best friend.
I try to blink away tears,
But they keep rolling down my face.
You call me in an instant,
As soon as you get my text,
I'm balling, trying to hold myself back
And you, in an eleven minute and twenty three second conversation,
Talk me out of what could have been.
From the darkest places I have been,
I would like to thank you
From the bottom of my heart,
Because if it weren't for you,
I wouldn't be alive today,
To write this.

With 8 billion people in the world,
You'd think it would be
Impossible to feel so isolated.
So tough to explain,
I'm frustrated,
This is complicated,
I feel like my soul has been obliterated,
Mutilated, and violated.
I can't think straight,
And no, I'm not gay,
Just a little confused
Feeling battered and abused,
My heart's been misused
And I have been accused
Of using others, when I'm the one being used.

Some people are pig headed,
Others are good for nothing,
Losers, Jerks, *******, etc.
But you, you're more than all of that,
Or should I say, less.
You don't even deserve to be called anything,
You are nothing to me,
Except the ruiner of all things good and holy,
A destroyer of innocence.
I hate you.

I've been living in sadness,
Deep inside my heart,
My blood aches in my veins,
And it tears me apart.
The mention of your name,
Sends me hurdling down,
And leaves me with nothing
To rely on, except the ground.
My eyes fill with tears,
My heart and brain fill with fears,
Yet it's been so long;
Almost three and a half years.
The worst day of my life,
Was the day you broke my heart,
You ripped it out and
Tore me apart.
I'll never forgive you,
For the pain you've caused me,
I've suffered for over three years,
While you never shed a single tear.
You weren't hurt,
Of course you were alright,
While I spend most of my time,
Crying myself to sleep at night.
All the tears I've shed,
Along with blood from my veins,
And the bottles I've drank,
Are all linked with your name.
So remember, Chris,
The next time you get inside
A girl's metastasizing heart,
Don't cut your way out;
Because, it will tear her apart.
Just let her heart grow,
Swelling in your illness,
Pretty soon the love will **** her,
And you'll be held as a witness.
Or maybe they'll convict you,
Of your torturous crime,
Getting girls to trust you,
Before you rip out their heart and spine.
Now remember, Chris,
I fell deeply in love with you,
You said to me, those three words,
But it was meaningless to you.
You throw your words around,
Like you did with my heart,
I loved you then, I love you now,
I haven't stopped loving you, since the start.
So farewell, my true love,
The past four years have been great,
Just kidding, they've ******,
Because it's also you, that I hate.
Yes, I hate you and love you,
It still confuses me,
I want you to suffer,
But I still want the two of us to be we.
I hate you and I love you,
I don't know what to feel,
It'd be nice if I just woke up,
And none of this was real.
Too bad I can't do that,
Just erase a large part of my life,
My world since you left me,
Has been a continuous strife.
A strife is too small,
Without you, it's been a war,
But were you the enemy,
Or what I was fighting for?
You're last words broke my heart,
Like an atom bomb inside me,
You ran off to avoid the shock,
While I just laid there, dying.

you wage a war against yourself,
because,
you only see what you want to of yourself.

people notice the change in you,
but,
they trick themselves to believe it's not true.

each day is a battle without gain,
and,
your mind is clouded with constant rain.

your light slowly starts to dim,
and,
you forget how to light it again.

you begin to lose the war,
and see no reason to fight anymore,
but all you need is one win,
to bring all this sadness to an end.

but sadly,
you lose again.

-a.r