i blink.
days spent in the library
gnawing at the bone of academia
howling on nights spent in essays
and finally lying down to rest
when the barking is all done
it passes in an instant.
i blink.
the incessant fluttering
the chirps and songs dissonant but
after a long day's work
the birdhouse still is so comforting
how the days have gone by
and so soon it will just be a memory.
i blink.
poem upon poem
upon day upon day
from birth to cocoon it grew
some poems later it took flight
there are more gardens elsewhere
its been ages now but perhaps
it will find heart to come again.
i blink.
the paws have learned
not to crawl on the piano keys
but to strut on them
the chords don't sound so accidental
rather they purr warmly
and echo even now.
i blink
and prepare for the world again.

in the heat of a thunderous twilight storm
like a child swallowed by fear i
clung onto my stuffed toys
i asked them if everything would be okay
if the sun will come out tomorrow morning
and the rest of the mornings after
even if the storm continues to brew in darker places than the night
and the rain pours but not from the sky
my little fingers held big fears but
i have to grow up
so i wont have to rely on my toys
and so i can properly grip those fears of mine

it's starting to feel hot again
the sticky summer sun and the
cicadas calling into the night like lost children
the cool water, the stinging scent of chlorine
and fireflies like faraway shooting stars
i feel something i don't quite know what to call yet
i feel like the sound of your voice
cool as the breeze under the shade
and i want to pitch a hammock there.
or the color of your eyes in the
mysterious beauty of the dark side of the moon.
for now maybe i'll just call it
air conditioning

i tried to sleep.
i gripped those dreams that keep
slipping through my trembling fingers
and wondered if i should ever
hold them tenderly and securely
with tumultuous oceans brewing in my eyes
i again begged them,
stay a little longer please
and if not then allow me to
cleave my fingers from my hands so
i don't have to worry about holding anything anymore
i really tried to sleep
but i don't know how to anymore

its times like these i get
so sentimental that i regress a bit
to days that i seriously wished
i was dead.
though, more than anything,
i want to just wish for you.
i went to your instagram
and i saw some of your prom photos.
you are so beautiful.
i wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.
i want to tell you about
my fear of staying in one place and
my fear of moving away,
how i still love the same person i told you about,
the voice in my head telling me i should quit my passions,
and about how
in times like these i grip onto the syllables of your name
and pray that everything will be okay.

i miss you a lot.

hello! it's been so long
it's been so long since you
talked to me like this
like this we were whispering
in each other's ears like
not even the august leaves
could have part in our affair
not even the august leaves
could know what we were
it's such a shame isn't it?
isn't it? that those leaves,
drifting down so sadly,
became september leaves
september leaves that knew
only the tears that we shed
the tears that we shed
and now the april leaves will
never know who we were
never know who you were
never know who i was
just who you and i are now
it's been so long since you
talked to me like this i almost
remembered how much i missed you

a single note slips out of the chord
as the others cling to safe harmony
she turns the soundwaves to crackling lightning
she becomes the tension of a catastrophic earthquake
she pushes the limits of the dam and threatens to flood
she is dissonance
and she will hold out before her resolution