i am not yet accustomed to this world
i want to go back again and make things better
for my heart aches knowing where everything was left
but it is already too late
too many mistakes were made
and i don't think anybody can forgive me
if i were to begin again i would do it right
for my life would have been different.
my life would surely be better.
but i can't
i will never have that opportunity
why? why? why? i am so ashamed
i am so embarrassed
i am so dreading the winter's cold; i will never understand why i do this to myself
for all things born into this world can be happy. so why can't i?
my body is both cold and lifeless as i ride down into deep seas. but when it reaches the bottom i dwell,
and i don't enjoy beauty from my past.
the dark is scary. but it seems to be endless
i will die in pain
i will always remember my past as a great tragedy. and when i crumble, remember, i am sorry

i'm sinking.
going further down
than i intended to.
the water fills my lungs,
i feel it burning me
inside and out.
don't try to save me,
baby i'll just drag you
down.
everything is fading,
all i want is you.
but i'm too busy
drowning in my
past.

it is eerily terrifying that there is no sound when a heart breaks. car accidents end with a bang, falling ends with a thud, even writing makes the scratching sound of pencil against paper. but the sound of a heart breaking is completely silent. almost as though no one, not even the universe itself could create a sound for such devastation. almost as though silence is the only way the universe could pay its respect to the sound of a heart falling apart.