So when does it end
All the immobility
The lethargy
The sleep?

When do we
Wake up
And smell the balance?

When do we look
To light for peace
Instead of the darkness
Of closed eyes?

When will the
Sounds of silence
Be less comforting
Than the sounds
Of consciousness?

We have all been
Fooled into modesty
By commercializing beauty
And eternalizing life

We forget that
We only have
A limited time here

And those who understand
Yet remain in
A stasis

A dreaming mind

Is it a step in the right direction
When you're always left behind
When you can't establish a connection
Between reality and your life
When your feet are planted firmly
Upon unstable ground
When your voice is never heard
So you never make a sound
When your nerves are battered numb
So you cannot feel a thing
When the person you've become
Isn't who you want to be
When the only thing remaining
Is the need to end it all
And the only thing your gaining
Is the worry that you'll fall
When you pray to god for answers
Believing in the sky
But religion is a cancer
You're believing in a lie

The Forsaken One, Jedediah
Drew his sword, his jeweled shield
long ago labeled pariah
He stepped onto the battlefield

Solotris, Kav, and Karadain
Ordered by the Lady Beth
Knew their mission was in vain
All to receive early death

Jedediah ****** his sword
Into the dirt beneath his feet
Adjusting voice he found a chord
And hummed so melancholy sweet

Reaching 'neath his armored plate
His withered hand withdrew a note
Words he scribbled for his mate
Words she'd never know he wrote

Kav's arrow struck clear and true
The Legend Jedediah fell
Spurting blood a scarlet hue
Knowing this would not end well

Kav ran to the Legend's side
Stared at him with bright blue eyes
Watching as the Legend died
Tears of blood the young boy cries

News of Jedediah's death
Causing city final rest
Reached the eager ears of Beth
Kav would be named Legend's Best

Upon return the young man carried
The body of the Legend Jed
Face was red, the boy was weary
Knowing his worst foe lay dead

Beth approached the boy on steed
To see the face of Forsaken One
Squirming with a thwarted need
She turned to Kav, said "Thank you son"

Standing over Legends face
She couldn't stifle out her cries
Her husband lay in burlap lace
Her husband lay in his demise

Closing shut his bright blue eyes
Withered hands and jeweled shield
Simple silent sordid sighs
Death of love this day did yield

The aromatic blend of smiles and clean laundry pervaded my senses as I let her take hold of me
All that, and a glimpse of the ocean

I could never guess how deep her gaze was, as I looked away too quickly, but the striking blue galaxies swirled endlessly and paraded through the souls like a goddess of knowledge

If ever there was flight, this would be my preferred fancy; another flashback reverie of that corner to corner grin that pierced hearts like a saber-toothed javelin, yet lips that would ever so softly provide butterfly sutures, a tourniquet of relief

Never could it be purely aesthetic, as a beauty lacking worth...
...for here was a well of untapped expression and severed emotions, sweet to the taste with an undertone of sadness

I had tasted this before

To hear such words reverberate through the chasms of my vaulted ears brought a touch of closeness, the awe of similarity
There, behind that modest smile was a voice of millions, yet spoken only by the caress of let goes and memories

I could never guess how deep her gaze was, as I looked away too quickly, but life has a strange way of fulfilling the desire to explore mysteries and enigmas alike

Perhaps as a beginning I shall avert my eyes from hindsight to foresight, eluding darkness in the glow of a wondrous, deep blue

Here's hoping she looks back...

So you walk

Always the silent
A simple stray
Always the violence
Eyesight is grey

Long trepid treks
Sore necks
And an empty stomach

Strange, familiar sounds

But there is something

Deep inside

Where there was warmth
And fullness

And the memories echo
Here and there
Somewhere
Maybe in a dream

But still
The illness
And the constant will
To move

As if there is
Hope

As if something cares

So you walk
Searching

Searching

We all die. There is no escaping the simple fact that life, as beautiful and filled with wonders as it is, is meaningless. Earth. A spinning ball of life and light, so free as a vision, yet we suppress these things. Let's build a house that will stand for three hundred years, when I will be here for a fraction of it's existence. Let's build a city around this house, and grow. But for what? You can work so hard for an accomplishment based on personal ideals, but it will be torn down and replaced with someone else's thoughts. We are cattle. To ourselves. We wait in a line of jealousy, pointing red fingers to the pure ones, and the pure ones turn impure. We mill around as if there is a purpose. We create, we sing we write we love we laugh we cry we grow, and we die. A lifetime of, anything, cut down because there is no because. There is no answer. There is no divine entity who overlooks us. There is no afterlife, resurrection, free floating energy, or cells that live on. There is eternal unconsciousness. Nothing. Black, or white or grey, or nothing. And we'll never know. We live in a space so small compared to the rest of everything out there. Past our planet, somewhere in the farthest reaches of the universe(es), there is life, bounding and free, true beings, maybe like us. Maybe they looks similar, and feel the same emotions. Maybe their emotions are different. Maybe their technology surpasses ours. Maybe they are primitive, waiting to learn. Maybe they are us, in the past. The sad, simple fact is that we will never know. We continue to spiral towards our own self afflicted demise, unknowing, selfish. All the wonders of discovery beyond us is lost in the folds of envy and anger. And our own natural timeline. You will die. Your family will die. Everyone you know will die, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to stop this change. We write poetry to staunch a certain emotion, or maybe to bring rise to one that we favor, but this is all nothing. Who cares about how your friend died, or how I broke up with someone, or how cute your cat is, or what boat you sailed on? It's pointless. Words only help to reflect the pointlessness of it all. We give voice to the sheer depression. Life is not a game, or a puzzle, nor is it an answerable question. It is, and always will be nothing in the end. I write to drain myself, to remind myself that I am in fact, a breathing, living human being, for the time. I write for the nostalgia of futility. For the embrace of hopelessness. Why do you write? Tell me, why bother?

I sing
I place within me, these tired hands
to pull notes from my heart and offer them
to those who no longer reach

I cry out with my voice
A whole piece of love
and ten million shattered vocals
that fall to the ground in a glittering display
For I often harmonize
with the hammer of emotion

These beats and bangs in my chest
I contemplate a symphony
Steal the chords from little flying angels
and watch them scowl as I sing in spite

Solotris was a working man
Strength portrayed through muscled arm
Of battle he was not a fan
At home his children worked his farm

Karadain a gentle soul
Hadn't fought for quite a while
So long in fact his skills were dull
But the bounty price gave him a smile

Kav was a boy of many traits
A foreigner from war torn lands
Skilled with bow, always shot straight
Bright blue eyes and withered hands

Beth, the queen of sky and soil
She mourned the loss of lover dead
Her kingdom sat in dark turmoil
She wished for Jedediah's head

The farmer and his hands
His family and his crops
Tending to his lands
'Neath gentle water drops
Bereft of all worries
He works from night to day
Back and forth he hurries
Feet to mud and clay
When his jobs are done
He donates fruits of labors
To each and everyone
To town and to his neighbors
While gray and clouded skies
Beckon forth more rain
He's in his fields of rye
Harvesting the grain
He cares not for himself
Before his fellow mate
Putting food on shelf
And dinner on the plate
The callused sturdy hands
The strong and warming heart
He loves his own homeland
And farming is his art

We all need
Something to fall back on
But when there's nothing
When braces are gone
We turn to
Vile pursuits of
Satisfaction
And forget to care
Or even think about
What means the most
What we hold
Dear

We all wish
For that stellar touch
Of pure ecstasy
In it's most
Flavorful form
That crutch that caresses
Our system of thought
Into a righteous
Equilibrium

We all seek enlightenment
In all different ways
Whether morality stands
As a mediator
Or as the defining factor
Of our
Choices

We all argue
Over dead points
And never do we
Put into perspective
The other side
Because of our
Biased
Preconceived
Notions

We all believe
That a miracle
Will lift all afflictions
And bend hope into
A peaceful weapon
But the answer
Is hidden beyond
Our blind eyes
Because we are all afraid
Of change
And we refuse to see
Beyond
The black hole
Of our closed minds
That have created
Event
Horizon

Reflecting the voice
Of indecision
A hostile embrace
The eyes of remission

The fleeing tears
The candid frown
Open ears
Nary a sound

More and more
The skin it cracks
Blisters, sores
A defensive act

Look ahead
There's nothing there
A faceless map
Of silent stares

Look ahead
Pretend to care
The mirror's dead
Was never there

The Void
Devoid
Of all we can avoid
Leaving us
Destroyed

A Storm
The form
Of all that's not of the norm
Leaving
Uninformed

This strife
A knife
Depriving us of our life
Anger
Is so
Rife

I have seen a dreaming mind
I have seen the seams unbind
I have been more than behind
I have sought but will I find?

While you laughed I'd sit and cry
Sun comes up, I sleep, you rise
You talk of life, I think demise
Your eyes widen, I'm not surprised

Defined as socially impaired
'Cause while you prayed I sat and stared
And while you gave I never shared
And when you loved I didn't care

And maybe it's my fault

That I cannot move away

But it's all in vain

When you are trying your hardest

To bring me down






Get out of my head

You have stolen my eyes
And my tongue is twisted in awe
I am a servant, you my master
You have me imprisoned in your misleading embrace
Enraptured by your presence

Silently, subtly, sipping your poison

And I cannot turn from the goblet

Here I stand, framed against a wall of tragedy, unhindered by it's horror.
I am only one among many before me.
Here we stand, altered by time and weathered by our choices.
We are the light in the dark that no one can see.
We are taking our final breaths and falling further into the dreams from which we were conceived.
We are descending into our own void, folding in on each other.
We are eternally trapped in our own freedom, imprisoned in our expressions.
We are drowning in an infinite hourglass.

Bright blue eyes and withered hands
Jedediah took his swing
Steel cut sword with ****** bands
Steel on steel again it rings

Solotris was not new to dance
The dance of battle he knew well
Caught in swordplay's gripping trance
Silent, he ****** Jed to hell

Fast they moved without a thought
Wordless plays ran through their head
Remembering what they'd been taught
Though Solotris would soon lay dead

Jedediah could not lose
Not before he knew the truth
Doomed to either sword or noose
He just wanted to know who

Who his star-crossed lover was
He'd fought through all of hell to find
He never had the chance because
He left his loving past behind

Spirits low and bounty high
He slaughtered might Solotris

But withered hands let arrow fly
The arrow, it had found it's niche

Tonight I want love
The gentlest heat
To lift me above
Off of my feet

Tonight erase fears
A fingertip note
To weaken these tears
That tighten my throat

A flutter of wings
Silence with a friend
The prettier things
A night without end

He writes a different picture
She colors in her stories

Vivid images stilled on paper, as though caught in their final acts.
Framed by wild imagination and voiced through the knowledge of language.

But beauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder...
...and their eyes are shrouded in a veil of darkness.

Minds burning steadily like the dying embers of a once all consuming inferno.
Smiles on the outside, but busy hands betray their soothing facade.
Demons in the skins of angels, doomed to the forlorn world of shadows and wallflowers.

When you think of sleep
Are you still on your feet
Are you thinking of me?
When you close your eyes and begin to dream
Or am I just a memory
Or am I just a memory

Do you find it hard to remember me,
And my barefoot reveries?

You are the spoon in my coffee
I'll spin you around and the world couldn't stop me
Its they who have lost me
I'm often
Caught in a river if coffins
Your presence it buries them all and
The voices they stop
They finally stop

When the whispers have me to my knees
When the shivers penetrate the trees
You carry softness like the breeze
You carry blushes in your cheeks
You carry hearts upon your sleeve
And all is perfect when you speak

You make me weak

And together something else
And for forever on the shelf
We carry on our broken selves

And never ask me
If this feeling's everlasting
Because the beat sounds sad
But the sentiment is happy

All I really wanna do is run away
All I really wanna do is run away
All we really are are books with blank pages
Lets scribble in the lines and find the plot
We are the authors of our fate
And you're my date tonight
And for the ages

This mascato never sweeter did it taste
Then with your face in front of mine

And through the space and
Through the time
I'll hold your hand and
Stand in line

And ride this roller coaster ride
As long as you remain beside

And for the first time
In a long time
I am patient
And I am open
To interpretation
My lady

It was the good feeling of defeat as he tore down my weak façade. It was scary to feel that... pain. To once more know what is was to be understood.
It was like he...

...broke through her defenses, worked my way through the cracks and fissures that marred the palisade she half erected to guard her emotions. It was easy, like maybe she...

...wanted him to, so finally I could find some form of release. He was my outlet. I plugged in, and my emotions and true feelings shone like a dim fluorescent bulb in a smoky basement. Clouded by uncertainty, but just visible. He is a lot like a...

...brace or a crutch, something solid she can depend on. Someone to confide in, share secrets with. Maybe I can be the one. Help her escape...

...this reality, it's killing me. Maybe he can be the raft that takes me across my sea of denial, landing me safely on the white sandy beaches of acceptance. Sometimes I wonder if...

...she thinks the same thing. It hurts me. I think for once in my life...

...I've fallen in love, but I know that it's...

...hopeless, so hopeless, for we exist in entirely different realms. She...

...is...

...in...

...my...*

...head.

I am a killing time
Burying it deep
In the ground I stand upon
Hoping that it will not
It will never
Catch up with me
Because time degrades
Destroys
I am killing time
Because time would have killed me first

I never thought I'd lay my hands
Upon you in such violence
Across your face five bright red bands
Eyes locked in chilling silence
A tear betrays your angry face
You're scared to death, I know it
I guess this is my fall from grace
As now my shame would show it
Now as I apologize
You only hear me barely
I hope that you can recognize
I mean it so sincerely
I'll hate myself for years to come
My inner light shines dimly
I never thought that I'd succumb
To darkness deep within me
These demons claw from inside out
I can't face them alone
And darling if you leave me now
I fear their strength may grow
My seams they burst and to my knees
I fall and now I'm pleading
Help me fight fight these enemies
Don't leave me here just bleeding

This affliction that I feel
This pain is so unreal
In front of you I kneel
My skin begins to peel

With every breath I steal
Another death I reel
From behind a broken shield
The only voice I yield

A silent understanding
My love to you I'm handing
It's my heart your eyes are branding
I brace for heavy landing

Breaths are taken
Faith is shaken
Words mistaken
Sight forsaken

Silent screaming
Ears are bleeding
Tears are streaming
Heart stopped beating

Soul beneath you
Hands stretched skyward
I beseech you
Please hear my word

Now
I'm calling out again
Reaching for a friend
Beginnings have an end
Calling out again

Time slowly spent
Another twist and bend
Calling out again
Calling out again

Lift me from this hell
Body is a shell
Standing where you fell
So much I could tell

Wish that you could know
Heart became a stone
Wish that I could show
Standing here alone

From your broken voice
Just another word
Do you have a choice
Speak and you are heard

Show me that you care
Lay my mind to rest
Lonely, naked, bare
Raise my fallen crest

Calling out again
Calling out again
Reaching for a friend
Calling out again

But then dreaming, at twilight
Brought to wonder by the full lips
The pulling hips
The fingertips

Tell yourself she is just a girl
Tell yourself she is just a girl

Sleep unshackled and awake to a cell

Tell yourself you will forget her
Convince your crawling skin that she

Is run of the mill plain jane mary generic wash-up
And perhaps you will have
Escaped her reverberating waves of passion

Perhaps you will dream again

Tell yourself you won't


Without reality

One lonely standing cedar
A symbol of our past
The campfire is our heater
It warms us rather fast
Our future? Indecision
Our present? All that matters
We aim without precision
The glass between us shatters
Shards represent denial
Scattered and strewn about
We walked the remaining mile
With worries, or without
Every time I find
Or notice my reflection
I see my broken mind
Bereft of young complexion
My eyes are tired and sad
My lips are cracked and dry
I think of what we had
And now I say goodbye

Stewing in his cave
Never alone said the bad one
He wept at his life, incomplete
Over a hill in the distance went the sun
Resting headaches on the bloodred horizon

Awaken the bad one
Stop dreaming bad one
Far away
Never alone said the bad one

Caressing the distance with his watery eyes
Peeling the scars with his gritted teeth
Warming the bones
Never alone
Oh
Never alone
Said the bad one

Where have they gone?
A flicker behind him
A memory
An unquenchable thirst
Chasing a the end of a dying drumroll

Never alone said the bad one

Drinking it as the sun goes down
And as the moon comes up
I dare sleep to attack me
But if he misses his shot...

I have enough hope left
For perhaps two dear thoughts of closure;
Life and death
When the words get stuck in my throat,
I taste what I choose to keep to myself
One doubt away from a falling sky
On shout away from a thinner waistline
No patience for explanations
The fact that I can stand is tongue in cheek
Still young and weak
Believe me when I tell you
I'm breathing

Wake up, because your dreams are only temporary
Sleep, because in your mind is a sanctuary
Lay down, because in your passiveness burns a fire
Stand up, because there will be a spark of confidence
Quiet, because in your silence plays a symphony
Sing, because music is life
Whisper, because someone is listening
Shout, because some cannot hear
Reach, because something lies just beyond
Retreat, because patience rewards you
Climb, because you never know what is at the top
Fall, because someone will catch you
Embrace, because there is always something to hold on to
Let go, because there is always more
Understand, because knowledge is power
Ask, because it is better to know
Listen, because you crave enlightenment
Speak, because wisdom is meant to be shared
Trust, because many accomplishments come with help
Never trust, because even your shadow leaves you in the darkness

Jed charged forth with a mighty roar
Karadain was first to fight
Thunder ripped and skies they tore
The clash of swords was an awesome sight

Karadain, he moved with grace
Jedediah stood his ground
Every slash and ****** a waste
Parried with a ringing sound

Jed's claymore soon made it's mark
Silence played a simple song
He ****** it through Karadain's heart
To take a life was never wrong

Solotris bowed his head in shame
Friend or not he didn't care
Life was gone as soon it came
It seemed the fight was hardly fair

Drawing faith in many spades
Solotris began to march
Courage was what courage made
He raised his sword in a deadly arch

With a moan and a sigh
He fell to the floor
Then the old man proceeded to laugh

"I'm alone as I die,
woman, tell me no more"
Were the words of this mans epitaph

"Where the **** did you go?
Answer me now!
Why the **** don't I know?
Get in the house!
Wipe that look off your face!
Don't you dare ******* smile!
You're a ******* disgrace!
Can't believe you're my child!

Now I'll make it ALL right.
Go lay down on my bed.
Don't you put up a fight!
Or you might end up dead"

"Daddy loves you"
"I love you"
"I love you"
he said

So she put up a fight
Because she'd rather be dead.



(This all happened to a good friend of mine. She asked me to capture these memories in a poem, so I did)

Hey dream weaver
Can you weave me a dream?
Can you make me a believer?
Can you sew these torn seams?

Can you replace my mind?
Make softer my bed?
Leave nightmares behind?
Shed light in my head?

Can you take me from here
Place me in a new world
Where the leaves of my fear
Stay withered and curled?

Where the winds of oppression
Are lost in the skies
And I sleep never guessing
As I shut tight my eyes

This is the end
Standing at the edge
But I don't want to lose it all
What if I survive the fall?

It's raining
God is gaining
On my heels
But is he even real?

It's hard to sit back
And let my mind wander
Somewhere
Relax and ponder

The light is never there
The light was never there

And I'm scared

Because
What if I was wrong
What if this was a lie all along
What if somewhere far away
There's a place for me
A place to stay?

Will I be judged by my decisions
Or by the way I'm currently living
Is this a game to sky above?
Who the **** am I supposed to love?

I can't breath in this prison of me
I don't believe in the things I can't see
Does that make me weak?
If I pray, will he speak?

I can't stay in this prison of me
If I believe will he set me free?
This is my final eulogy
If I die, what will I be?

Out of the sunlight and into the gray
Into the dark from the light of the day
Into the agony, pity, despair
I prayed to "God" once but there's nobody there

I prayed to "God" twice but he didn't respond
I prayed to "God" thrice but I guess I was wrong
Maybe once more couldn't do any harm
Didn't they say that the fourth time's the charm?

If the world comes crashing down - devouring itself in a final moment -
I will fall to you
Content to sleep at the fire under your feet

I will not perish
Until I have found answers
In these cryptic messages
Vivid haunting images
That plague me in my dreams

Esoteric symbols float in the periphery
Of my visions
Nails on glass
In my ears

Silent screams echo throughout my head
Bouncing off its degrading walls
Weakening them even more

Decaying words at the back of my throat
Choked down by indecision
And swallowed along
With my bitter dignity

My blood is black
Flowing through veins like branches
Of a hollow tree

My eyes are shallow craters
Of an early collision of images

My ears are polished mirrors
That reflect the damage done to them
With no filter

My lips are cracked
As a dry river that no longer
Harbors the kiss of life
Along its sides

My hands are the forgotten tools
Of an old carpenter
Who no longer pursues
Any form of laborious toil

But my feet
My feet are like
An industrial machine
That use any form of misery
As fuel to keep the whole body
In a state of forward movement

So I will not perish
Until I am happy
Because once there is no misery

My feet will run out of fuel
The rusted cogs will stop turning
The chains will overlap and break
The electrical current will
Cease it's playful energy

And when I am finally happy
I rest
Finally

I love you more than anything.
But this road you have chosen to walk...
...I cannot follow.
I cannot be the one who stands at your side.
I cannot be the mediator between you and whatever choices you may make throughout your journey.
I will not be pulled into that world for I know what it takes to get out, and I no longer have the strength.
I told you I would be with you through every hard walk, but my last adventure into darkness left blisters on my mind and the soles of my feet.
I am not afraid to tell you that this path must be walked alone.
Hate me for it, but if you make it through, you will understand.