i
      DO
not
     WANT
to
     TURN
a
     YEAR
older
     AGAIN
i
     AM
still
      MESSY
and
      I
have
      NO
money.

{Trigger warning; self injury}

it's time
for me to end it all
it's time to cut off the parts which meant nothing at all
i will force myself
to go down a dark hole,
visit my past and feel the pain all over again.
i will watch myself
struggle to breathe
as my demons **** me
as my fears choke me
as another sword pierces my heart
as i destroy everything right from the start.

ashes cover my bones

i stare at the fire i started

my past lies behind me

my swords are not blunt anymore

my shield is destroyed

smoke rises up

blinding the rest of the world

slowly, i rise

i stand amidst my remains

naked and pure,

stronger and wise,

my swords are not blunt anymore

now,i watch my story unfold

How is it that forks in the road
Are decisions that cut like a knife?
No matter what route we go
The choice may not be right.

I want to be alone,

I want every park bench to be empty and cold. I want to sit on the sturdiness of loneliness and feel the harshness of success. You don’t know me. No one does. I want to travel this city barefoot to feel every struggle and perseverance slip between my toes. I hate my feet. I want to hear the screams of frustrated men and women creeping through the alley. I pray for silence.  I want to feel the wholeness within me spring up with longevity and curiosity. I love to cry. I want you to be here with me holding my trembling hands. I crave to be alone. I dream of a world that I own that consist of just me, I want to run wild and free, while the wind tussles my hair with no mercy. I miss you. I want to remember no one, not even me so that way I can roam in this world with no attachments not even to my pride or standards. Don’t forget me. I want to hear the echoes of the moon whispering to the ****** on the dampened slick grass. I wait for morning. I want to sink my teeth into the tears of the earth, letting it fill the gaps as I slush around the meek but salty taste to feel alive. I have always needed braces. I long for the arrogance of man to cease to exist. I long for their stupidity.  I see you standing there in the middle of my paradise, I see the sun falling down on your shoulders, I see the woman behind you and the crowd of people with her. I see them not knowing who I am and I see there blankness stare of “care”.  I see their smiles inviting me in with yours as it starts to drizzle dreams, gliding down everyone’s pulsating hearts. I walk to you. I want to be alone.

Vacancy is occupied
Please come back another time
These four walls are condensing
Every time we begin reminiscing
Oxygen is getting thick
Pungent fumes from your neck
Keep striking up like a match
Lead across a coarse surface
It’s lit

These four walls are condensing
Oxygen is getting thick
That taste is gritty
Slick Slivers of black start swiveling
Swelling up my tongue with sweaty trickery
Suffocation never felt so Zen and yet so witty
My skin is blue and grey
I guess you are what you eat
If only it’s death didn't taste so sweet
These four walls are Condensing
Your oxygen is getting thick

Tiresome he choked
Scuffling on the cold wood floor
Waxed thoroughly, his eyes meets the cracks of another him
An alternate view adjacent and new
Conquering the present with its futuristic view
Wounds appear, slapping, scrapping, and screeching
He doesn’t want this life
It’s not his for the keeping
Gliding across, fingers numb and broken
His tears fall too loudly, rudely outspoken
Another him gleaming and cunning
Wraps his wrist with grips unreal
Forcefully pulled, head first into another him
Unwillingly christened, knees bandaged and bruised
New, He stands up tall, forgetfully leaves behind
The now scuffed, raw *****, cold, wood floor