When I had noting  
I tried give everything to the wrong person
While you watched through the window braving the weather  
Now I have everything
And I'll keep the rain off  your back and the wolf from the door
We still struggle once more  
But we'll brave the weather

I'll remind you everything is temporary this time next year
When your mother doesn't wake no more
And your youthful looks have gone

The sweltering summer's heat
Consumed me the first time that  we got to meet
A year in the making
But still I choked
Has my arm's missed it's target once aimed
My lips met your teeth
And all day we couldn't eat
Praying for more time
At the end of a week
When I had to leave

I've called myself young and stupid
But that excuse is kinda ageing

The only clear reward for the starvation I had gifted
Was a body I'd grow to hate
Somehow more than I did before
There's more obstacles returning to your former self
Than there ever was leaving

I've been chasing summer
Ever since you came into my life
Because something bloomed in those record breaking hot nights
All those lollies consumed in a  
Sweltering room
But you could never cool down  
Because I'd never let go of your hand
You'll miss it soon
When the winter comes

Give me something from your nothing
It's worth more to me than gold

You've got the weight of the world on your shoulders
So half it on my back
We'll take the world together

They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone
And I hate when you say I didn't care
Because it cuts like a knife
Knowing in life
The right words where never there

Let me hold you by the throat and take your breath away
Watch you choke out the words I love you
But it always sounds the same

I could turn my skin platinum
But never meet your standards
Because blonde haired girls
Don't like ***** skinned boys

Put your demons in a chokehold
And refuse them room to breathe
Let them lay doorment
In a bed more comparable to a tomb
Like they've spent years doing to you

Love once sacred
Taken from my heart
And betrayed
Stabed several times in the back
And left to bleed

I live for a summers dream
As I fall like leaf's in winter
Dancing to the ground ashamed
Of the days I wasted and the warmth I failed to cease

I've been writing up verses
And trying to converse with the devil in my head
Because even the simplest words don't look right when you're around

At the start we fought and argued
Trying to find some common ground
But now those days are gone
We could conquer empires

My mind's been so empty
Since my life's been going right
Like I can only pull word's
From a clouded mind  
Sadness and hope
Used to be my muse
What once was a burden
Brought such a gift

I  grew up childishly neglected my emotions
Because I got taught the stereotype of a man
Nothing more than a teenage boy crying into a pillow
Keeping the noise low
And his eyes dry before his mother comes  home

I've formed and delivered the words I love you  
But if this is love
I've never meant it before
I may never be forgiven for breaking hearts
But please take comfort In
Knowing true love can be found

What if I'm no better than what you've already tasted
Another sample of rotten fruit
Skin fresh and ripe
With a sour taste on the inside

To love is to abandon fear
But I'm so scared to let my only consistence go

I don't have the guts to make cuts
So I bleed on paper
But these days it never seems enough
Because a plea for help
Never gets a second look laying in these old dusty books

A line of emotion
Ended with a full stop
Ready for a picturesque funurel
Upon these pages

I hold faith in one hand
But he's not been my friend lately
He's joined the weight that bounds  my ankle
With one hand behind my back
I decided to put faith in myself

Chasing ghosts through a fountain
Hoping when my eyes clear from this momentary blindness
You'll be right behind me
Holding me up when I feel haunted in the middle of the day

Everytime I spoke I tried not to choke
Because I dug deep
Opening up old wounds
Using jokes as comfort to soften the blow
But nothing hit harder
Than when your lip trembled
Because I have  thoughts of ending my life sometimes

One day you'll see my words
On every hipster boy and girl's Instagram pages
And it might not seem like much
But least I successfully achieved what I said I would
Disbelievers will be believer's
Don't be deceived by people who tell you can't achieve
Hold tightly onto your dreams.

I've become a coroner and my bed's become a casket
I've got myself nailed in for a long stay inside my head
I've realised I'm the only one mourning
And for flowers to bloom upon my grave
I need to cremate this self pitty

Making the most of my day
Riding back and fourth from station's
139 poems wrote
But the route never changes
Blasting pop punk anthems to get me by
Instead of dwelling in my room furthering connection with the outside
On mission with no destination
To find the people or place that feels like home
A community found when the lights go down and the band  starts to play
My 140th poem wrote on the same bus heading the opposite way
Slightly less lost

Good moments are like tattoo removals
Gone and easy to forget
But the bad ones haunt constantly
Like the art that tarnishers my skin

The ocean becomes my temperament vicious and uncalculated
Breaching boundaries and flooding streets with emotions  
Tidal wave's pull me under
But I still feel your light no matter how deep I delve
You became a new sun when my head convinced me my world had ended
And after all this time I've realized saving my self Is more important than saving grace so strike me down if I'm the devil in myself
Causing plague and disease in my own head .

I try too hard to give everything and leave my needs unspoken
Because I'm scared of stepping on toes
It becomes a cycle of me apologising
If I choose to speak up
So walk over me
Because I tried to hold you up and fell underneath you.

From inside I'll build a prison
Bricks of self deprivation and hate
There won't be bars on the windows
Just flowery curtains
Because it's a choice to neglect the light of day
Piles of new clothes built up
But I'll kick around in this old hood
And watch the days fade
I honestly believe I'll look back  and dwell on the days I waste
But it's hard to break a cycle created by a mental cage.

I do sincerely believe the words I write in the moment's I write them
But sometimes the weight capsizes the boat sending me off course
To a destination unplanned
But the original idea isn't lost
If you push through the woods
Cut through vines and shrubbery to the better ending
Or leave a trail behind to help the next adventures find there path.

I've always had trouble expressing my emotions
Constantly shoveling coal into a fire that needs to be tamed
Leaving me mentally deflated
But also ready to expload
My nails dug up skin
Scratch marks in moments with a lack of thought
Burning Running down my finger tips
Where i make connection with a pen
The ink finds words I can't quite form, even though the deliverence isn't always what I pictured
Its the sweetest release I'll receive

If there's no love left in this world
I'll give my life giving it Away

I'm doing this to appease myself and for my own well being aswell, I'm more than happy to tell both sides of the story and leave no stones un turned, a relationship turned toxic
By a adversary of our own creation
Clinging onto positives and emotions that where getting out weighed
We spoke an spoke and even prayed for change
Took a look from evey angle
The love remained
But the pace originally set had changed
Two perspectives running in different directions
Once emotions are involved it's not easy to escape
Bound down to the bottom of the lake
Where we both drown,
But eventually Break the emotional chains and float  to the surface unscaved

The distance from my side of the bed used to be too far
But now we're sleeping separately miles apart
Fall to sleep to the smell of detergent
Rather than my scent upon your sheets
I know we both did wrong
But I wish the best for you now.

Anchored down by feelings
I just can't let out
Always making wrong decisions
Decisive at the worst times
I've been pulled so ******* deep now
I can't even see the light
Stuck in some kind of limbo
Because I refuse to die

Trying to find peace living in the present
Rather than living in my mind
Because in reality I can defeat a old demon bearing a new disguise

Death is just eternal darkness, so I guess I'll stick around finding the light in the darkness however unoften it may come around

It's been a horrific few years
Pushing through eating disorders and enough tears to dappen my feet
But never truly drown my demons
Emotions left harbouring inside,
Like the food I stocked in cupboards that I'll never be brave enough to eat
But I've got through the hard times
And I just wish I had someone to tell me everything would be alright
Now I'm left with a body that I despise, but a better frame of mind
Suffering long term for mistakes I thought would make me feel better

I haven't had the time to write many lines
Because I've come clean
Given up Living for the weekends
I used to leave days open
Now all I have is a calendar full off dates and times
I started living life
But I spend my weeks in your dorm dieing on a Friday when you've got to go home

I keep falling through the cracks in the pavement
I broke my back laying for you
I know the toxicity of this relationship corroded the foundations
Confined to a room of emotions
We only wanted to escape
I'll take my portion of the blame
But the other half never gets claimed
If anyone asks I'll tell them we're friends
I've got no blood on my hands
Because I've got no hate in my heart
But I caught you red handed cursing my name

I know that the sun sometimes struggles to break through the clouds
A ball of fire so mighty held down
By the marshmallows of the sky
Even the strong have there set backs

Art work once hung from walls
Gets trampled into the floor
Has you zone into the smaller details
And zone out from the bigger picture
Neglect and forget all the things you love about yourself

I don't believe in heaven
But we've got one chance before death
To create our own

I woke from a nightmare
To the sun laying next to me in the middle of the night
And your warmth gentaly rocked me back to sleep
You became a new sun when my head convinced me my world had ended

I take a bath
You guard the door
To make sure I don't do anything to escape from this life
My mind drifts across the surface
Submerged with ideas
I forget what made me want to leave
The only thing that remains is a new chapter written on a half soaked page

I know they say it takes a while to grow
Like the shoes they say will one day meet your toes
But whys the rest of the garden blooming
Climbing towards the sun
Smothered in its gaze
While I'm laying low in the shade living off droplets that fell from your leaf's
I'm left tracing roots back to the dirt
Like I'm defined by my past
I know you'll never left me forget the choices I made