A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't

It's funny how you're not here and yet the first person I think of,
When I wake up,
Is you.

It's annoying when every single thing,
Even a random word,
Reminds me of you.

Is this healthy?
I can't tell,
But it's pretty overwhelming.

I shouldn't beat myself up but that's exactly what I do,
When I realize,
That I've been thinking of you.

Not that it's a bad thing,
Unless I think of you so much,
It causes brain damage.

But I know that if you think of me,
As much as I think of you,
Then I wouldn't mind being a vegetable,
With you.

i don’t know why i think of you
like a lot
but you’re one of my favorite things
that i catch myself thinking of
when i’m not paying attention in class