You weren’t supposed to leave me when I needed you the most
My heart bleeding onto the concrete floor, next to that bashed up car and my traumatized thoughts
You weren’t supposed to etch your name into my heart, but you did so anyway
All that’s left is a scar, the platelets unable to clot the pain away
Most nights, I’m stuck in one of my nightmares
They all start with me calling out your name and end with you walking out the door
You weren’t supposed to ask for my heart if you weren’t worthy of its’ keep
But ****, I guess we all ask for things that seem so far out of our reach
I’ve written so much of you
I’ve called the Moon after you,
You have almost become a figment of my imagination, your being almost unobtainable
I’ve built you up so perfectly, no flaw, no imperfection,
And that is the cost of a heart that loves unconditional(ly)
We dive into the ocean, swim deep into the blue, wide eyes at the beauty, no more breaths, we begin to heave,
Our lungs slowly suffocating,
The air, they no longer keep
We drown to save our art, make sure it survives
You were my muse, my everlasting glow
I saw galaxies in your eyes, even though I had multiple of universes in my own
It was simple really,
All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to hold me tight, kiss me when I’m doubtful, say a couple of words to make things right
Act on the pretty verses that laced that pink tongue,
Mean what you say, don’t parade around a handful of indirect lies
See, I have had my heart broken a couple of times.
I have given my being, without batting my eyes
It is time I invested in myself, in order not to falter on broken promises
I have treated carefully through the pieces remaining of my heart,
But I think it’s time I made amends with the parts of me that loved me enough,
That helped me stand up and pull myself out of my slump.
I am more than those who have claimed to ‘love’ me
I am a form of Love,
Maybe one, still in disguise

I wish I could save you
And not with words
See, I know that Darkness, like quicksand, swallows you whole. The minute you step into it, you fight against it and slowly but surely,
You start sinking into the overwhelming pit.
I wish I could save you
Yet you have to fight your own battles,
And I'm guessing this is why it's so hard to stand by and watch you.
Life has me ******* into a chair and I'm watching as it tortures you by throwing everything Evil that the world Embodies.
Yet I can't save you.
Not now.

I wish my words could save you.
I wish caring saved
I wish love saved
I wish my hands could save
You're so close yet, so far
But the darkness will surely consume you,
And there's nothing that I can do but Hope that the world doesn't corrupt another pure soul tinted with some darkness.
Light and Dark walk hand in hand.
I wish I could save you, but
My voice has no power compared to the void that grows within you.
I'll wait until the world's done meddling with you, like it did with me,
And after, I'll make sure to hold you as you curse the darkness out,
Letting it know that it's never welcomed back.

Sometimes the thoughts threaten to haunt parts of me that have seen the sun in all its glory
Sometimes the thoughts threaten to hang me
Sometimes the thoughts question the love I have for my body, and all I’m left with are a couple of hmm’s and Ahh’s that don’t put much of the broken, I feel, together.
Sometimes I want to hand my heart out to strangers,
Hoping they’d love me far better than any of you ever could
Sometimes the world scares me and it takes great courage for me not to hide behind closed doors
Sometimes I want to speak poetry that breaks hearts and fuels the ache
But I’m usually left with a couple of words like,
“I’m sorry I have nothing to write,
I gave you all the words that formed my body, and now I am nonexistent.”
Sometimes the thorns wrapped around my heart force blood out of my mouth and it takes me awhile to remind myself that I don’t have to drown in my own sorrows
Sometimes all I’m left with are a couple of papers that are filled with excuses of why I can’t reach the stars
Sometimes it hurts to try
Sometimes it becomes too much as if the world is weighing on me
Sometimes it’s hard to make out the words that lace people’s tongues because all I’m used to is bitter promises
Sometimes I reach my limit, and I’m standing at the edge of a cliff hoping that the dive crushes all the demons that continue to shadow me
Sometimes I remind myself that it’s all about the pains,
How we perceive them
Make something of them
Create with them
Most times the world’s a little dim but I have to see the light, because what’s there to live for, if not that?

To the stars that listen and hold me close when I am on the brink of losing my sanity;
When the world stands before me,
Holding a gun towards my temple
To the stars that listen and keep me company on days where loneliness and I have shared a bed and the darkness inside of me grows, consuming all the color I once saw
To the stars that twinkle in response, as the tears stream my cheeks, reminding me that beauty is never something you can keep
To the stars that have made better friends  than people,
Thank you for holding me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for pressing love into me,
When I felt hate gripping and burning at the insides of my chest
Thank you for reminding me who I really am
Thank you for being distant and understanding
But also,
Thank you for always being there for me when it felt like nobody really was

Love,
Angel

I've written far too many endings to have any decent beginnings.
The flowers I've planted died,
The petals falling onto the soil, slowly decaying.
Why is it that life resembles death,
Whenever my fingers skim the edges?
There's this need to create and contain,
To possess and obsess,
To protect,
And yet still,
The hurt remains, gaping
Eating me alive.
Biting and nibbling at those that I love.
Life, never expects you to live with a smile plastered onto your face.
It never guarantees you an easy access.
There are no manuals on, 'how to live a good life',
Just a sign posted at the start line saying,
Try.
You try to live a good life,
Through the heartaches,
Through the happiness.
You try and try, no matter how many times you fall onto your knees, resulting in bruises or broken bones,
You stand up and make way for the experiences to shift and transform you into who you're meant to be.
No matter how many endings I've written,
The beginnings seem far worse,
Because maybe,
Just maybe,
It's the first step into leading and living a good life,
And I so desperately,
Do NOT want to butcher that,
Leaving reminants of blood smothered on the floor I call,
My
Life

How do you tell a person who is so used to being left, that they are blessed with the ability to love in full capacity?
How do I tell myself that I am so much more than my thoughts?
You see, my mind is a waiting room. And it starts out as follows,
I am seated against a wall watching the door as it opens, one person at a time entering and taking a seat. Slowly the room begins to crowd and they’re all talking over each other and it’s so hard trying to figure out who is saying what and for what reason because it quickly shifts into a fight and the noise just becomes deafening and I want it to end. I want it to end so badly but I’m a coward and I can’t seem to stop the thoughts from tearing me apart. I’m a paper airplane and the pouring rain drowns me. And no one can tell how this sadness is tearing me apart. No one can see how I’m in constant pain, no one knows that I’m unable to fall asleep but to the sound of her voice and I’m drowning and I don’t think anyone’s capable of savings me.
Just leave.
I get it.
Don’t explain.
I’ll save myself if I don’t take it first.

Have you ever been forced into a situation where all you feel is,
a rope slowly latching onto your throat and strangling you,
Allowing all the air to escape your lungs?
Have you ever wanted to run away?
Not figuratively speaking,
Literally.
Running away and leaving everything you've ever known.
Leaving all the comfort you've placed yourself in;
A box filled with flowers that fill the air with jasmine and lilac.
Running away from every person that has ever caused you pain,
That has ever caused a scar on your body or mind
Have you ever wanted life to steal your breath away and leave you for dead?
Because I have.
I've never wanted anything more than to just leave.
I want to leave my mind and my body,
I want to escape all that I know because everything feels ten times harder and I feel a hundred times weaker.
The bones in my body can't hold me up straight, the joints won't handle the effort.
I am so done allowing hope to pull me from the black hole that feeds off me.
I am done.  
Life can **** the blood out of me.
I quit.

Most of my thoughts at night drift from:
I am so much more than the entire universe combined
I am the Universe, the stars within the galaxies
I am the solar system, as a whole
I am the planets lost within the empty void,
Hoping to avoid a collision, yet still wishing for it
To create a nebula.
I am nothing but the air you breathe,
Needing both oxygen to give you life,
And carbon to **** the life out of your heaving lungs.
I am the moon and the sun.
I shine light on your darkest days and I make sure to trap you in the darkest of worlds as I dim your entire existence.
I am the blue sky and dark, black one
I am the plants that sway left and right,
Bringing color onto your blank canvas.
I am the butterfly, that was once a caterpillar:
I was once a questionable being but I bloomed into this thing of beauty that has everyone gaping.
I am the dream you have late at night but also,
The nightmare that startles you from your sleep

But the thoughts begin to consume me and I believe that I,
I am nothing
I am a waste of space  
And it's a struggle to try and figure out how that could be when in some sort of way,
The world needs me for stablility.

Things I want to come home to after a long day at work:

Arms that hold and remind me that exhaustion is only temporary

Soul food, to stop the starvation that eats at my insides and reminds me I am too skinny to miss a meal

A comfortable bed that envelopes and introduces me to a world of dreams, where anything is possible,
Including leaving all that I've ever known and becoming someone entirely different

A good book that helps me escape reality with characters that feel more like family, than my actual real ones

Coffee. (Enough said)

A view that speaks to me about how the world is a beautiful place if only we stop and appreciate it

Myself, in the comfort of my own privacy. Free to let loose all the crazy that has been shoved down due to the fear of being judged

Since I had to lock her at home, away from the world, making sure no one saw my heart or any sign of emotion for fear that they'd take advantage of the sensitivity that is, Myself.
I'd like to come home to myself and let her know that it'll all be okay

She is a fire breathing dragon, ready to devour those who have done her wrong
She is a volcanic eruption of repressed anger
She is an earthquake, a tornado
She will surely turn the walls of your heart into nothing but powder
She is a soft flower, with petals made of pigment, she sways with the wind
She is a solar system, a universe with galaxies in her eyes that glisten whenever she talks about something she's passionate about
She is a figment of your imagination because her beauty is one that does not resemble anything on this planet we call Earth
Her beauty is one laced with creativity, an essence of intelligence, and a strong desire mangled by her stubbornness.
She moves mountains through the flick of her fingertips
She's an ocean capable of sinking ships
She's so much more than the appearance of a weak little girl, lost in a big bad world

She sways with the wind and loses herself to the twinkling of the stars
She hasn't felt freedom intertwine itself with her, in a very long time
She speaks of love, the inhabitants, now ghosts, have made homes in the cracks of her chest  
And she heaves,
Regardless of the attempts she's made of trying to sew back the pieces of her broken heart
Her friends are the sun and the moon and the sky is where she one day hopes to lie
Safe and sound
Whole

Tonight, I thought of all the words lost on me
Like my favorite necklaces misplaced; my hands reaching for my neck, unable to feel them.
Tonight, I missed my favorite person, who continues to rest among the clouds
Tonight, I realized that friendships end and goodbyes are inevitable
Tonight, I wrote. I wrote and wrote
I wrote so much
All I wanted to do was puke my insides out because nothing I wrote sounded like myself
Tonight, I wept because I forgot who I was

Often times it seems like I’ve connected the dots and became what everyone wanted me to be, keeping the child within me locked in a dark room, with no windows to allow the light through.
At times, it seems, I’ve diminished my wants and needs because it was all, ‘too much’
It felt safer to stitch my lips shut, because voicing anything sounded like a cry for help and I never wanted to depend on anyone who may one day leave me,
Who may one day abandon me.

Tonight, I’ve come to terms with It being so much harder trying to put together pieces I never knew were broken
At times, I feel so insignificant, a speck, compared to the universe and it hits me how regardless of all I feel, regardless of how minor my emotions may be to the wonder that is, Outer Space,
I matter.
I matter. I matter. I matter.
I ******* matter.
All the feelings that rush through me,
The rage, the absence, the happiness, the love & lust that pulses through my veins,
It all matters.
It all ******* matters and the world may have never been the same,
Without me.

If I grabbed you by the arms and yelled into your ear, about all the pain that swims in my veins, would you hold me close as I fall to the ground realizing I am not as strong as I think I am, or would you watch me dissolve until I become nothing, but air?
Would you count the scars that mark my body or would you help implicate them?
Would you wrap your gentle hands around my heart and stop the bleeding or would you suffocate it like you did my love?
Would you cry me a river or would you swim in my tears?
Would you sing along to every song we’ve ever loved or would you kiss every person your eyes laid on, hoping to forget what I tasted like?
Would you let me build up my walls, because I can’t bear to have you stab my chest or would you tear them down just to watch me grovel?
Would you or not, rather I bloom than diminish and decay, like a rose on a spring, sunny day?
Would you hold me, just for the night, because I can’t seem to let go of the memories that haunt me in your presence

Draw me into a poem and paint in all the dents the world has left within me.
Feeling your hands on my skin, caressing the inside of my thighs, moving up
Has me questioning how the roughness of the world hasn't corrupted such soft hands
Your eyes linger on my chest, and it feels like your gaze burns through me, seeing a glimpse of all the ache I feel
You run your hands through my hair, and your expression becomes much softer, as if holding a precious gem and being so afraid of scratching or dropping it  
You whisper in my ear how you want to protect me at all cost and how the world does not deserve me
How I'm so pure and unscathed by life's many hardships
You promise to wrap your arms around me every night,
When we're lying on our crisp, white bed sheets
Reminding me how much the world is lucky to have an angel walk among them
Yet, I can't help but feel like I put up a front of being something I'm not.
I am nothing
My heart is stained black.
My thoughts are usually clouded
If i could describe them as a season, it would be fall,
Because they're always causing me to breakdown Into pieces
I am soiled with pure hate.
The rage fills me and all the love dissolves
If the world hasn't worked you into roughness, maybe my soul will
I think it would be better for you to leave.
But maybe you see the potential of what I can become,
Gentle, soft
Adoring
Something so much more, than I already am
My eyes follow yours and we lose ourselves in the moment, putting aside all of our do's and don't's,
Forgetting that love never plays fair,
And soon, one of us is bound to get hurt.