I heard that if you gaze into a fire
That it will begin to gaze back into you

So locked inside a cell
I picked up a book
& proved that theory to be true.

///

I also heard that where you die
Depends on the floor
in which you crawled

However this I’ve proved is false
My first steps were in a home
With roaches on the walls

The Dr. said that I'm not doing okay
I replied, "What is that?".

Then he shrugged his shoulders
& dropped some change into my hat.

See me as the garbage;
The tarnished stain that's turning green from oxidation.

When really I've just opened my eyes
to hear the lies from my heavily medicated nation.

My tattoos say that I cant find work
My felonies say that I'll die in prison.

I was hospitalized for mental health conditions
three separate times when I was 13.

///

Dear Mom,
I was only being a kid.
I never thought that talking back;
would take any chance for my life to be lived.

You made me an addict before I had a chance to say No to drugs.
I am the product of a war against the ghetto & all I did was play with bugs.

Today I saw a human
That used to be a stranger
Until we realized that through each other
We could dissect our inner angers

So piece by piece
We sat together
& picked my brain apart
Until I found out that it started
During the first trimester
when I evolved & grew a heart

///

(My attempt at describing
the way that I interpret life)
-Imagine the broken plate haiku-

I’ll be the plate
& the world can be the spite
That shattered me on the floor
Just to get me out of sight

Only this time the “sorry”
Actually brings me back to life
But each time a piece is missing
& it’s on repeat for every night.

Some days
When I wake up
My glass is half full.

Some days
When I wake up
My glass is half empty.

///

Tonight
Before bed
I threw it against the wall.

Tomorrow
When I wake up
I’ll realize that was plenty.

It's such an odd feeling;
When you start talking to someone new

The way that you exchange war stories;
To see who's "ex" left the deepest bruise.

Just to remember,
The time that you did that with them too.

Like,
I'm not really sure what's up from down.

I have felt this way before.

Then the darkness hits.
That's when life is almost like a mirage.
Like, is any of this real?
I specifically told myself that this isn't the way to deal.

With loneliness,
That's a feeling best described with the lights shut off.

My Holy Ghost came
In the form of anxiety
In the night.

She said, “You’ve got to
Start moving until momentum
Gets you by.”

At first I began to question
Because; I guess that’s just
What I do.

Than I ran to look in a mirror
To see the person that
Gets me through.

ie, myself
Everyone leaves
When you’re stuck in the mud.

So I listened to my heart & started
Pushing; thanking an apparition
That I wasn’t where I was.

Sometimes; the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
& it took renovating
My mind to finally feel what that was like.

& now I’m flying &, I should be dead.

Some days
go quicker than others

Some hours
can last all day

Every minute
you're on my mind

With a break down seconds away.

The day that we walked thru the graves
Time stood still & let love have its way.

I’ve never been the type
To realize what I have
Until it’s dead.

However on that day
I felt my mind shift
& I let you take over my head.

///

Peace
Self taught pain
Maybe this is it

Trees
Gaze into my abyss
Today I saw my life for what it is

Today while writing out words to break down & create anagrams that I could use in my writings. I realized that the anagram for "Secret Admirer" is "Dreams Reciter".

Crazy right?

The girl that I think about all day,
Practices my dreams at night?

If only I could tell you the words;
I'm afraid they're all ones I've never heard.

To bring you the sun & take all the rain.
To transition you to earth;
From my brain.

Since you lack what's called belief
Than become your own God
& better yourself for me

Cause now you're broken
& it’s easier for you to hide
But who has to clean this all up when you die

Take away my soul;
Leave me with my bones.

///

Make me what you need;
Before you drop me off at home.

While doing my laundry with dish soap
surrounded by sticky tape littered in flies

I wonder if Jesus walked a mile in my shoes
What he would react like?

Would he smile & wave
& hold back his tears
Would he scrub out all of the blood stains
Or would he just throw it all away
Would he take down all of these flags
& put up Anarchy ones instead?
Would he DM a girl?
Would he accept the world?

For what it really is,
Or try & make it new?

Would he make the correlation
That we walk on soil filled with sin
That was broken down from the core
Of the forbidden fruit?

Nothing is nice
My life isn’t okay.
Would Jesus keep on pushing or,
Resurrect my sister & take her place?

That’s a trade that I’d be willing to take;
While knowing that I’ll own up to these words

One day.

Pete McIntire
1/3.5
@RedLightWriting

Go ahead;
Break me down.
Become the reason that I never come around.

Go ahead;
Cut my throat
Leave & take what matters the most.

///

I was told once;
“Be right with God & all things will pass”
& although I’ve never taken this stance
It appears to be all that I have.

So Broken, sick &, poor,
My god I turn to you.
Walk with me in my valley of death
& be the rays that guide me thru.

While I sit & wonder
What could possibly happen next

There comes a point where
You have to accept failure
& quit calling it a test

Can I make it

This isn’t how life is supposed to be
But then again

You aren’t supposed to make
The mistakes that I’ve made

“It’s okay, just power through”
Is often said by people
That wouldn’t understand pain

Like they don’t realize
That hard times
Have advanced from my heart
& taken over my brain

As I slowly become an afterthought;
the winds pick up & change.

I pray that you fail in every love that you touch &,
karma finds you one of these days.

That awkward moment when you think, maybe you weren't meant to travel so much.

When no matter where you end up, all that you can think about is one place.

The problem occurs when the only person that you can think about isn't in that place.

6 from 1 &,
half a' dozen from another.
My life steps back from time;
Into a void without my lover.

Bring me back to life;
Take me from the weeds.
My world is solid brown;
When it used to be so green.

Love was the Afterthought;
To my emotion &,
My madness.

///

Hate is why I cannot feel;
Yet the world just sees,
My empty glasses.


P. S.

May your freedom bring you both happiness
& joy.

Until the day we meet in Hell where I can play
You like a toy.

Wake;
There’s a heartbeat in my head.

******* lines my nose &,
There’s an angel in my bed.

“My Views From the Bottom”