I wept by your side,
But you were much too worried about yourself to take note of it.
I didn't want you to notice because I knew you wouldn't care.
That made me weep more.

You ask if my thoughts are balanced,
I reply with a smile that, "I'm doing okay".
You're not satisfied with the answer,
But yet you move on.

When I'm staring at a plaster wall, for moment after moment with no movement, you watch me.
 I feel that it's my lost eyes with an empty expression that you're trying to read.
I slowly and inconspicuously begin to scroll through my head, for positive emotions to display on my face.

I'd love to let you know what I'm chewing over in my head
But you wouldn't want that burden.
Our taste has always been different.

So I'll sit in silence,
and when you think I'm tired 
Because of my swollen eye lids and blood shot eyes,
It's really because I wept by your side.

I need reassurance
I need confirmation
A daily reminder
And a weekly gesture
Simply because I am weak,
insecure,
and doubtful.

I want you to know that I need attention
Lots of it
And I want you to find my cool spot
When I'm a burning flame.

And if you call me needy
I don't think you need me.
I need love
I need affection.
Your attention is my goal
Give me your protection.

I run from love
in hopes that
it will chase me.

My words are on fire
And your eyes are cold as ice
My hands have grown numb
And you no longer want to listen to the beat of my drum
Is this not all comprise?
My strides are aggressive
And your thoughts are protected
I share my emotions
But you don't like that commotion
How is this all so hectic?
My lungs need air
And you're slowly pulling our your hair
I really hope that you meant it
Or was it the passion in your belly ?
Or was it the satisfaction of taming a lion?
Perhaps it is the only honest thought in your *** of black gold.

Unrestricted romances repeatedly consume the barren space between my sternum and spine.
A void that formed with the absence of your shores.
In its place you left no lake.
But instead, the sand that once met your waters is now a desert with dunes that were created with the whistle of the wind. The scorching sun with cloudless sky's, won't allow the flings to blossom into petals glowing with vivid colors, and aromas that cause your eyes to close, and breath to become deeper.
Artificial stems are dug into the ground with hopeless faith. I now have a garden of tulips
and roses
And
daisy and
morning glories.
With a white picket fence to maintain a level of structure in this lifeless terrain.
I'll carry pales of water to try and quench the sand and allow the elements at hand to create rocks. From those rocks moss will grow and with the passing of time succulent greens will arise.
Tainted views that evolved from our father's need to place explanation of the moon shining solely at night, and birds chirping at the break of dawn, contradict my insight of what is required to fill my barren landscape.

Remember that time...?
Wait, you're not around to reminisce with.
At least I have my paper and pen to make it real.

It was surprisingly cool out for Florida in the fall

All the more reason to have you cuddle up under my arm.
You slide over with weary shuffles,
I simply open up to let you in

I asked you what you'd like to do
And you replied sheepishly,
"I don't care"
At that moment I knew you just wanted my presence.

We arrived in a dimly lit park,
At a dark hour when no children were  playing.
All the more excuse to touch your lips to mine.

I can't seem to remember a step by step description of how your lips met mine,
Because the momentum building into it
Carried enough electricity that I blacked out.

I do remember asking if you'd like to go home.
When you replied with conservative eyes
"I don't care".
I knew that meant you were ready for bed.
Just not your own.

I've had an unsettling
Feeling since 2 am
A bit frustrating
Your love is dissipating

I woke up with a thought
And a wretched feeling
Through my gut
I think I'm ******

You're in my arms
I have you close
And it might cause me harm
But for now I enjoy your charm

I hope it's not fake
Your words and actions
But I know you lie
That makes me quake

Don't waste my time
Because my heart
It's on the line
And I'm just in line

To try and call you mine
I wish I was first
But that's just fine
Just don't make me out to be a swine.

As of lately
I've been writing.
Scribbling words
With more than
A paper trace

As of lately
My voice is
Not loud enough
To cause an echo
In your head

Instead my words
They float into your
Left brain,
Begin to be processed
And when straight
Lines don't have a node

They are pushed
Out of your right ear
As heavy s shaped
Curves that
Anchor to the
well paved ground

That you walk on,
And that I worship
Is it that the intended
Purpose of our
Commitment has been lost?

As of lately
I lay on my back
To see the world
From a perspective
That is larger
Than my life

And when I turn
My head
In search of
The stars you
Once had in your
Eyes.

Disappointment
Frustration
Dispare
And a gut wrenching
Feeling
Overwhelm me.

I am yours and you are mine
If that is ever denied I hope I am the first to hear
Keir, let me make this clear
The color of your eyelashes matches my eyes so perfectly it is undeniably certain that we will always compromise
That does not mean we will see eye to eye
But the flutter of your blond lashes
 and the love in my almond colored eyes will compliment each other
Like two school kids who have discovered playground love
Or a passing airplane through a clouded sky
It's not a fortunate accident
It did not fall from the heavenly sky
Luck has no part in it
It is a series of unconscious events that lead to a very conscious decision
This is effort and planning
With a very innocent motive
You are my hard work and commitment
That is so uncommon in my train of thoughts
It is a foreign pattern that I learned while I was abroad
And you are my sweet relic to prove my journey was real.

Hello, my name is misunderstood.
I live in a world with very little honesty.
I work at a place with large demands.
And have a partner with little self-confidence.

I'd like to tell every truth that I can.
Even if that means my pride and ego are on the line.
I would like to fulfill the needs and expectations of my fellow comrades and pupils
Even if that means sacrificing my comfort and free time.
I would love to express gratitude and worth with my actions toward my lover
In hopes that I satisfy and push their understanding of value within the outside world and their own.

Hello, I am a coward
I speak with the weight of 1000nd feathers
And have actions that shake only the ground that I walk on.

I would like to have a breath as hot as a flame that carries the mark of a branding iron.
I would like to have a mind so set in its way that with the steps that I take it is the world moving underneath my feet, not I moving across the soil.

Goodbye, my name is Jenna
And now I am but a mere soundless speech within your brain.

Love can be spelled in
 many different ways
Love can also be read in
 many different ways

Someone might spell it as
 physical
Others might write it as
 affirmation

As for myself
 I spell it as time
As for yourself
 You read it as services

But I portrayed it as
 touch.
You built it as
 Gifts.

I wanted to spend
 time
You only wanted me to
 Serve you

I wouldn't mind
 If you gave protection
But you never gave
 Attention

Go ahead pick a flaw
You couldn't possibly count them all
I've got so many
You could even call me off the wall

Now how about you?
Are you not human too?
Or is your personality
Always the right color hue?

I dare you to lie
The truth to deny
You do it so often
I'm never surprised

There we go
Through team work
We found your dark cork
That goes to show

That you wipe your hands clean
And make it seem
That you are a victim
And not part of this team

That we both built
With every moment stitched together
Like a family quilt
Now you set it a flame because of guilt

It sure is not fair
And what causes my scare
Is how you're so blind
Because I really do care

I have no respect
For your irrational concept
And I hope some day
You take your blame

And you lay in your bed full of flaws
And you count through them all
Because there are so many
You too are off the wall.