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Jiawen 张 Nov 2017
I have never changed,
Even though it seems like that
I have been changing constantly.
But it’s only because I have to leave
Everything holding me back.
      
I said goodbye to the society,
Which takes away my dreams.
I said goodbye to the society,
Which tells me that I am wrong most of the time.
My soul has been away from my physical body
Since I was a little kid.
      
My physical body left my family
When I was 16 years old.
I thought I took my soul with me,
But actually,
My soul has been traveling around the world
Without me.
        
I said goodbye to my peers,
Who are too childish and selfish.
I said goodbye to ignorant people,
Who are lazy and close-minded.
Now I have a strong network of
Kind, Helpful, Open-Minded, Hardworking,
And Smart people.
Who Inspire, Care, and Act.
    
They teach and remind me to love myself,
And they love and support me.
I am still alive
Not only because I have never given up,
But also because of everyone I have met in my life.
People who love and support me.
People who hate and destroy me.
        
I am thankful for having all of you in my life.
Because of all the contradictions and differences,
I know who I am and what I want.
Because of all of you,
I have the courage to say goodbye to
Everything holding me back.
A poem to myself and First Unitarian Universalist  Church of Indiana, PA.
Jiawen 张 Oct 2017
An international wire transfer was made last Monday.
2,000 dollars were sent to China from America.
I expected the money would arrive in China in 2 days.
Like, how it takes 2 days for my yearly 35,000-dollar tuition
To be sent from China to America.
    
I continued my week as usual.
I went to Aldi, a German company,
To get some groceries.
It was fast and cheap with good-quality products.
    
I went to Walmart, an American company,
To get more groceries.
I waited in line for 30 minuets.
It was slow and cheap with known-brand products.
    
That international wire transfer made last Monday,
Still wasn’t received on next Monday.
It went through an intermediate American bank,
Because my bank itself doesn’t do international transactions.
My money is still on its way to China from America.
#SomethingFunny
Jiawen 张 Oct 2017
He is an exponential function.
Small rate of change at the beginning,
But he grows fast when he reaches a certain age.
    
I am a function of a straight line.
A big constant ***** since the beginning,
But I also have a y-intercept way bigger than zero.
    
Let our age be the inputs,
And our maturity be the outputs.
At year zero,
We didn’t know each other.
We didn’t know we would cross each other one day.
      
We have been working so hard.
We have been living in different countries.
We were like two parallel lines,
Which would never meet each other.
    
But at year 20 for me,
And at year 30 for him,
We finally crossed each other,
And we were smart enough to find our intersection.
      
We are still growing into different directions,
Because that probably will be our only intersection.
But we only need that one intersection,
Because we are all independent now.
We don’t need other people to input data anymore.
#MathMajor
Jiawen 张 Oct 2017
Hurry up and wait.
So I will have time to observe.
So I will have time to learn.
So I will have time to think.
So I will have time to please my soul.
      
On the way to New York,
I see diversity.
On the way to Massachusetts,
I see diversity and wisdom.
On the way back to Washington DC,
I don’t really know what I see.
On the way back to Pittsburgh,
I see musicians, artists, businessmen,
Black, White, Asian,
Students, kids, and mother,
And I know I am going home.
      
I am going back to my grandparents.
I am going back to my animals.
I am going back to my friends.
I am going back to my school.
I am going back to my teachers.
Jiawen 张 Sep 2017
I cut my hair short.
I got more peace inside.
No makeup on my face,
No fake confidence in my heart.
        
I am no longer that little girl,
Who would ask a boy
"You like my hair long or short?"
I am no longer that little girl,
who acts accordingly to please a boy.
I cut my hair because it’s my hair.
      
I am just who I am.
The less I own,
The less I can hide.
The more I throw away,
The more I can have.
      
To stop acting like a wanted girl,
To have more time in my life,
To gain more peace in my heart,
I cut my hair short like a male.
I am a woman who I love.
After all of my stressing,
It's really quite simple.
All of my time guessing,
And I know what I'm in for.

There are two circles
on one plane,
And where they intersect
Is for what I pray

In circle one are many souls
For whom I feel bad, for their pain I know.
I label them as people whose goals
Do not match mine, and so it goes.

They want from me what I do offer,
But not to them, for it is such
That qualities that fulfill my needs
Are lost in them; they're not enough.

It's so abrupt, I write them off!
And for this, I feel sort of bad.
However, I've been treated as such
By many people, it makes me sad.

But I don't hate! I'm not furious,
I forget people and they forget me.
There is one other circle, curious
How it is not one or three, but two!

Yes, it's two, and it's much smaller
Not in size, but in perspective.
I see people in circle one often,
But circle two people evade my presence!

Very often, they don't like me.
Very often, I'm treated with disdain.
I feel like they can set me free,
But they often cause me so much pain!

I see in them what I really want,
Their presence enlightens my life.
I often face them, fully front,
And their response causes me strife.

Oftentimes, they remain there,
Because to do so, they reject.
However, on special occasions,
One person meets the intersect!

There are people who like me,
And miraculously, I like them back!
It's really quiere a wonderful thing,
Two souls on an equal path.

Far and few between you are,
People who meet me in the center,
If you are in circle two,
The intersect, feel free to enter!

In return, I always try
To move people from one to mid,
I give chances and hope I change,
But I know what my feeling is.

Try and try to center folks,
I will keep going and not give up!
I'll keep manipulating variables,
And someday, there will be enough.
Jiawen 张 Sep 2017
Father and mother,
I love you.
This is how I remember
the spelling of FAMILY.
        
Father and mother,
I had been trying my best
To love you both equally,
And to lie to myself about everything
Till the moment he disappeared suddenly.

Father and mother,
I had been locked in a box
With my body folded.
No room to spread my wings to fly
Till the moment he flew away.

But it wasn’t just me.
We all had been locked in that box
With our bodies against each other’s.
Hurt and numbed
Till the moment he passed away.

Mother and I,
We’ve loved him in pain.
We’re loving him in tears.
We’ll love him in smiles.

He set himself free,
He set all of us free.
I’m still young enough to learn to fly.
Mother has forgotten.
But she will only forget
Till the moment I can fly high.

I will come back down,
To teach her fly high.
I will put her on my back,
To let her rest in the sky.
I will put her under my wings,
To protect her from the rain.

Father and mother,
I love you.
Equally and differently
Till one day we are together again.
My first real poem.
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