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I live on the surface now
But I used to swim down deep in the water
Where it’s always dark

I never think anymore
I just hum and buzz and click
tv static with the volume turned all the way up

I miss the dark
It gave me time to think
I had questions complexity and unrest
it is light at The surface and I can see the people
And I don’t even realize I’m becoming one of them
Much more quickly than I would’ve ever thought
l̸̨̨̟̤̥̱͆̇͋́̀̀͘͜ȩ̸̧̮̳̣̣̾͊̀͝s̵͕̈́́ş̵̢̠͓̩̈́͜ ̴̛͙̙̤̿̉w̸̰͕̜͔̼͑̆̑͘ö̸̧̟̗͚̘̠́̾r̷̺̮͉͐̓̈́̓̋̿̆͛͝d̷͔̅̏̆̊̚̕s̶̠̺͒́͒̌͊̋̐̂ͅͅ­̨͔͔̟̯̤,̵̛̼̹̖̙̰̍̍͒ͅ ̴͚͕͔͎̤̜͋
̴͓͋́͑̅͒̊m̵̭̈́̋́͊̄͘o̸̮̫͇͉̍͛̇̅͂͒̑̕r̵̳̹͚̺͚̂̆͝ë̶͇̗̺̬͍̖́́ͅ ̵̘̙̣͉̏̇̂̏͐͑͑ͅs̵̲͔͛͋̈́̾̉̊̏͛̓͆k̴̯̳̞̪͕͂̆̌̈́͘͝͠ͅì̸̧̢͈͖̖̠͉̖̫̐͗̃̏̿͑ͅn̴̘͋­͍̤̳͓̙̲͍͕,̷̲͈͆̈̈́̂̑̓ ̸̭̩̭̲͐̆͊̓̑͌͜
̸̡͍̬̺̬̜̙́̈́̈́͝m̸̛̥̳͛̃͝o̶͓̔̏͗͋̄͌̓͝r̸̯͉̤̣̠̗͚̜̬͂͜e̶̛̓̐̄͊̌­͇̩̯͔͓͕̹̝̼̃̈́ ̷͕̾s̴̨̮̰̠̦̞̖̬̤̪̅̏̿̾į̶͚͓̈̎̋̄̀͂̓̇͝l̸̡̹̯͑̓̐͊̈́͆́͌̚͝e̵͖̰͑̎̿͒̒͠͝n̸̛̑̋̚­̨̫̹͍́͝c̵̛̳̤̻̞̠̲͎̖̯̓̎͌͝ē̶͇̟̦͖,̸̧̘̦͔͔͚̙̼̳̤̿͂͘͘ ̶̻̘̼̞͗́̍͋͠͝͠
̵̙̜̀m̸̝͒͒͐́̔̉̎́͌ͅo̸͕̙͕̭̮̟̱̠̒̆͌͗͗͆̕̕r̷̹͎̈ẻ̶͇̜̮̦͒͌̊̾ ̶̖͍̪̩̪̥̺̾̏̐̿̈s̷̡̼̲̈́ͅͅi̷̗̇̃̀͌̓̉̃͝n̶͕̐̓͆́̄.̶̧̖͈̮̲̲̺̜̦̈̄͐̎̔̆͠͝ͅ
take me out.
What is this malaise,
          that awakens with each yawning day.
Quite the tortured mystery,
          to have a mind that seems intent on being rid of me.
Staring at shapes of shadows,
          creating fables with a brain that’s addled
With a nameless affliction.
Kingdoms have lived and died,
          with only I baring witness to their fall and rise.
Scattered noon sunlight sneaks,
        between dusty blinds and sets aflame the world on my walls.
It is here that I feel,
          screams of terror and the joys of triumph.
The delicacy of a daydream.
A place for me.
So here goes one last pathetic attempt,
One more cry for help.
As I watch you slip away,
from my life completely,
And find comfort in someone else.
I see you in my writings, but never in my arms,
And I miss the feeling I would get when I made you smile.
I haven't felt it in a while.

And I know you'll never read this.
And I'm telling myself that it's okay.
And I'm saying that I write for myself.
But all of my poems are about you.


So here goes one last "note to self".
one more "I swear I'm fine".
As I watch you pictures slowly grow old
and regress into memories,
I hear your voice in my dreams, but never in my presence
And I miss the taste of your name on my lips when you ask who I love.
Even after the distance, the taste is still the same.


And I know you'll never read this.
And I'm telling myself that's okay.
And I'm saying that I write to help myself.
But my words are soaked in your name.

So here goes my goodbye,
My final thoughts for you,
I promise that I'm done writing,
I wish I could promise that I'm done missing you.


.
this Isn't about O, K, or, B. don't make a big deal about this.
so she lies.
spins the truth, spins it faster than her head.
collapses to the floor, and wishes she was dead.
So she hides.
feels the tears as the makeup stains her face.
i will no longer be your hiding place.
Your fingers are caught,
entangled in my ribs,
my heart is in your palm,
and our time is running thin.

If this is what it feels like,
to fall out of love,
then I take back every kiss,
I take back every touch.
Don't tell anyone about me
I am our little secret
And if you do well, you'll just feel awful
Because I am meant to live inside you
I can exhibit fantasies you could never envision
Packed with terrors and bloodshed rifles
All of my darling things
I'm afraid you are mad there's no fleeing now
So I urge you to do as I say
Keep this secret between me and you.
Chapter Three: The Whistleblower
Even the most trusted person can lie.
Even the best friends could change.
Even the sweetest person can cheat.
Even the strongest friendship can get ruined.
Even the person you love the most could be gone.
Sad to think, hard to accept but this is the reality.
Treasure what you have and be happy❤️
Things wont be the same after this.
I know that they weren't for me.

It takes time for these things to heal,
and it leaves a nasty scar.

But it's a scar you wear with your family,
It's a scar that keeps you strong.

Know that the sadness is okay,
know that I am never far.
This one is for you. I hope you are doing okay... I really, really hope that you are holding on.
Living like a shadow
Being the odd one out
Remarkable yet unremembered
Floating in my daydreams
Fighting off reality
Forgetting my priorities
Getting carried away
By life's necessities
And blending into the crowd
At the oddest moments
When sticking out is beneficial
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