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17
Sarah Spencer May 2021
17
our clothes flung to the floor
my bedsheets rumpled
our hearts racing
my hands shaking

Our bodies intertwined
his voice soft
our awkward laughs
his hungry gaze

our fumbling fingers
my hushed moans
our love shining
his beautiful smile
Sarah Spencer Nov 2021
Waking up in a pool of sweat and tears,
my memories haunting my nightmares.
I had just fallen asleep at 2 a.m
because I stayed up all night stressing.
Because I was afraid to face you
the following morning.

I thought I'd slept for hours,
that I had just forgotten
to set my alarm on accident.
But when I squinted to see,
the red numbers only read 3.
And though I'm physically tired,
I've never felt more mentally awake.
Sarah Spencer Oct 2021
Drawing lines on myself
with a knife in place of a pen,
wanting someone to see,
anyone to see.

Because no one sees
that my tears are a cry for help,
that whenever I make suicide jokes
they're less of joke
and more of a fantasy.
That I don't just wear sleeves all the time
because I'm constantly cold.

So I'll finish my sketch
and display it for everyone to see.
I hope everyone likes it.
Not everyone likes abstract art after all...
Sarah Spencer Aug 2018
Hands are shaking
knees are quaking,
no way to stop the addictive
flow from inside my veins.
Though never the way I'd predicted,
quitting is the toughest strain.
But the pull is hard to fight,
like a thousand piercing knives,
slicing until I find the light.
No matter what I must overcome the trance
or I'll just be performing the same old dance.
I wish I had a hidden talent
that could bring a crowd to its knees.
I can barely balance
on both feet,
yet alone sing a solo
or play water polo.
I can't put others in a trance
when I dance,
or speak to a crowd,
or even make my parents proud.
No one will ever notice me
when all I can write is poetry.
Sarah Spencer Sep 2021
Since I was little I've always had a lot of friends
that were with me wherever I went.
Furry friends that had paws and tails,
but were not alive

They always greeted me
with sewn on smiles
and glimmering glued on eyes,
and though they couldn't say hello,
I was proud to call them my friends.

I met my best friend on my fifth birthday,
a brown dog with
a cheesy name and an easy smile,
and every year since our
two halves became whole
we've celebrated that day ever since.

Every year of my life was a
new year for new friends,
but as my friend circle grew
so did the judgement.
No longer was it considered cute
to tote around stuffed animals like a toddler

"You need to make real friends," my parents would say,
when I had reached middle school
and never had so much as a sleepover,
unlike my sister who always
had people swarming around her
like bees to a hive.

Little did they know I had
tried to make friends,
tried to act normal without any luck.
If people wouldn't even accept
the facade I had put up
what reason would they have
to accept the real me?

The other kids they laughed at me,
calling me a mute because my anxiety
often stole the words off the tip of my tongue
before sound could carry them out.

My furry friends let me cry into them
when I'm upset,
won't call me weird or stupid
for the things I say.
Whenever I fall apart,
those stitched on smiles
put me back together,
telling me everything
is going to be okay.

My stuffed animals are the
biggest influences in my life.
I'll never go anywhere without one by my side
and if other people can't accept that
and think I have a problem,
then they're the ones with the problem
This is more of a poem for me. My stuffed animals and the way i dress and act, which is considered very childish, are the root things that cause people to bully me. I'm not hurting anyone by being myself. I don't understand why it bothers so many people.
Sarah Spencer Aug 2018
You told me to leave,
but I stood silent crying
because I need you.
Sarah Spencer Nov 2021
Do you like her more
because she's more talkative?
Because she comes as blunt as a pencil
but with words that stab like a knife?
Do I need to change
in order for you to like me?

Because I know when you look at me all you see
is someone who is not her.
Someone that is not worth your affection and time.

Your actions stab me like a knife.
Stab.
when I saw you two walking together.
Stab.
when I heard you tell her she was beautiful.
Stab.
When I smelled the remnants of her perfume on you.

You're killing me slowly,
never hitting a major artery,
always torturing me.
Sarah Spencer Sep 2021
You left me at home
to go and get lunch with her.
Am I not enough?
Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I've always had a problem with jealousy and I'm in a poly relationship. I just wanted to be invited...
Sarah Spencer Sep 2021
My first experience with love
felt like touching a hot stove.
I would constantly have to hold back
to keep from getting burned
by your hot temper.
I walked into my second relationship
with those same standards,
with 3rd degree burns
snaking up my arms and legs.
When my boyfriend saw my scars he
wanted to crush your heart in his hands.
And even though that sounds violent,
I know he would never smash a spider.
He would never hurt me.
He just wants what's best for me.

And that isn't you.
He was the only one who was able to get into my head when I was losing it. When I let you treat me like your puppet.
Sarah Spencer Aug 2021
Oh, cheese how I love you!
swiss, mozzarella, cheddar, or blue
stringy, blocky, or holey
you're the only delicacy for me

I love to sit and savor you
appreciating your taste as I chew
on a roller coaster my tastebuds you take
if I went without you my heart would break

And when I'm down to your last bite
my empty plate a horrific sight
I grab my keys and head to the store
needing just a little more
I actually dont really like cheese. My best friend just gave me a topic so I went with it.
Sarah Spencer Aug 2021
Flat stomach
poking ribs
jealous girls
wanna be thin

Empty stomach
growing hunger
cannot eat
just a little longer

My distraction
my punishment
I deserve
this discontent
I starve myself as a way to cope/punish myself. It helps me stray away from the constant suicidal thoughts in my head.
Sarah Spencer Dec 2021
If they say you get
a penny for your thoughts
wouldn't I be a millionaire by now?
I tend to think a little too muchXD
Sarah Spencer Sep 2020
A ngelic hair forms a halo on her head
S apphire eyes reading my soul
T insel wings strapped to her back
O nly the two of us in this heaven
N othing but the cotton candy clouds
I mpressionist's world
S oothing sound as she sings
H ow in the hell did I get here?
Sarah Spencer Feb 2019
I swallow the pills
but I'm still alive
oh for once will
you just let me die?
Sarah Spencer Nov 2021
Baby, I will do anything.

I'll **** myself,
trash my mental health,
commit social suicide,
throw away my pride.

I'll play your game of black jack.
Please just take me back.

Baby, I will do anything!
I'm so sad!!!!!
Sarah Spencer Nov 2021
Dating me is like
getting a new puppy.
I might look cute and cuddly
in the animal shelter,
but when you take me home
you realize all I do is
*** on your floor and
chew up your furniture.
Sarah Spencer Jan 2019
Its always there
when you're down
will never glare
at your frown

It wont judge you
on how you dress
like those who
It won't impress

Sheathes your face
filled with tears
hides the disgrace
in the mirror

Black takes the pain
keeps me sane
I had to think of an explanation to why i wear black because i always get questioned for it. Probably sounds weird if u didnt know thatXD
Sarah Spencer Sep 2018
You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.
Sarah Spencer Nov 2019
My heart beats for you
a delicate butterfly
only yours to break
Sarah Spencer Oct 2019
You are a hued rainbow of stars
hotter than a blue Virgo flame
though to the naked eye
you appear to be lilac
just as identical to the others
never shining any brighter

Yet I know the truth
I can see the spectrum
visualize what others cannot fathom
know you're brighter than Polaris
guiding my ship to your shore
and into the hollowness of your arms
Sarah Spencer Nov 2021
Have you ever been so upset
that you feel like your heart
is going to beat out of your chest?
That you're going to have
a heart attack and die?
That your finally going to understand
what it literally means
to die of a broken heart?
Sarah Spencer Jan 2019
we pick up the pieces
when everything is gone
smooth out the creases
and carry on
If you could read minds
you would find
a total stranger.
You'd want to change her,
change me.
Yes my thoughts would finally be free,
but you would never agree
with me.
I wanna do a rhyming poem every so often. Gives my mind a break<3
Sarah Spencer Jan 2019
laughing talking
all around
smiling walking
buzzing sound
silent cold
binding me
always told
in my dreams
Sarah Spencer Dec 2021
Daddy Daddy, it appears
that all you care about is beer.
How come when I'm near
it's always like I'm not even here?
I hate him so much...
With you I'll feel forever young
even when I'm old and gray,
running and jumping under the sun  
until the last of summer fades.
You'll always be the breath in my lungs
that turns the dark into the day.
Is this poem good? i honestly don't know.
Sarah Spencer Sep 2018
The grip in my hands will soon loose
and I'll fall into a quiet preferred
because after thought the path I'll choose
will be the way of a coward.

I'm tired of wasting lonely nights
with a bottle by my side
letting the sorrows of past's frights
play throughout my mind.

The tears have never stopped
whether it's inside or for the eyes
and putting on a brave faced opt  
would just unbury old lies

I'm tired and I'm over
the dragging on depression
you put me here without sober
into your lashing out aggression.

Their will be no regret
when I finally let go
of what little is left
of my life tomorrow.
Sarah Spencer Jan 2019
I hate that word
sounds like a disease
its completely blurred

oh just please
stop saying it
to be the crowd
when theres people who slit
their wrists

they scream loud
for anyone to listen
during the pain

they think hope is fiction
it winds through their brain
until they die
with a smile

and because of your lie
those bodies pile
Sarah Spencer Aug 2018
Fury
blurry
can't see a thing.
Heated
defeated
a deadly ring.
Crying
lying
the rage must come out.
Broken
unspoken
we should not whisper about.
Maybe tomorrow we can talk,
but not today.
right now I must take a walk
down to the depths where the demons play.
I wrote this poem in my own anger and it helped me alot. I hope this can in some way help you too.
Sarah Spencer Feb 2019
I wish I had
the courage to
look into your eyes
without feeling
the regret
or despise
of myself.

I'm not worthy
of anyone,
not anymore,
not since
the sun
stopped shining
inside me.

I can't take
you seeing me
in this way,
I can't shake
myself any harder ,
I can't smile
like I'm okay.

Just for once
forget me
leave this day
leave me
so I don't have to

I promise tomorrow
you'll find
new friends
this sorrow
will devour me
not you

I will never
let it
hurt you

ever.
Sarah Spencer Dec 2021
We got back together
but it doesn't feel like
we're starting over from the beginning.
Because as I breathed life into our future,
you just continued to dig up the past.
Sarah Spencer Nov 2021
I want you dead.
That thought constantly crawling in my head.
I have never hated anybody
until the day you laid eyes on me.

From my first day of life
you've caused me nothing but strife.
You've always been there,
but I know you don't care.
All you've done is chain me down.
You say you love me, but you want me to drown.

You hit me and you mock me,
you take away my ecstasy.
I'm constantly looking behind my back,
afraid, if I step wrong, I'll get smacked.

I hate you so much
I shiver at even your touch
or the sound of your booming voice.
Oh, If you died I'd rejoice
and the angels would sing from heaven!

Sometimes I feel driven
to do the world a favor.
Hell, if I was braver
I would have fulfilled this very vision.

That is, if I wouldn't go to prison...
This sounds like a rap song so I'm sorry<3
Sarah Spencer Oct 2018
Grab my hand
i'll take you to my wonderland
where tears are left unshed
and dreams do not play dead

Maybe we'll go on
a spring leaf fawn
warm nights drunken dreary
waiting for dreams nice and clearly

Or maybe we'll argue all night
splurged by my own fright
thunder clouds of disaster
claiming their rightful master...
Sarah Spencer Sep 2021
Emotional abuse doesn't consist of
bruised skin or broken bones but
that doesn't mean it hurts any less.
If anything it hurts more.
bruises, though ugly, will heal.
broken bones, though painful, will mend.
I will always carry scars under my skin,
on my heart
in my mind.
My brain will forever
crave to be called names
because you've done it for so long.
I will always think that I deserve
to be punished,
that I'll never deserve to be loved.
These thoughts follow me
throughout my day and
haunt me in me in my sleep.
Your physical scabs will heal
But my emotional scars will not.
I will never be able to
run away from my thoughts
unless I chase them with a bullet.
Sarah Spencer Aug 2021
No matter what I try to do
I'll never be enough for you
Sarah Spencer Aug 2021
I confessed my love
but you gave me a shove
and told me I was stupid
for believing in cupid

You make my heart soar
but to you I'm a bore
I'd only be a chore
If I were yours

But I know that it's fate!
your heart I will take
you'll love me one day

Even if its fake...
I may have a problem...
Only I could see her halo
and its heather hinted glow
as she pushed a cart down aisle eight
and selected a sack of seedless grapes.

I bet her voice sounds smooth like a lullaby,
I bet she bears wings that take her to the sky.
But I'll never know if she really is an angel,
because girls like her don't dance with devils.
Random thoughts led to this poem.what started out as a poem about my gf turned into something with an entirely different meaning. And god, I need to stop coming on here so much. I need to get a life...
Sarah Spencer Dec 2018
Ive made a friend
watched them leave
made amends
and was still deceived

I still come crawling
Remembering the past
I'm panicking, bawling
Why can't this last?
Sarah Spencer Aug 2018
The time has been
short but the days
drag on like years.
The past is sin
but still it stays
in our worst fears.
Collapsing in the shadows,
is the bridge you
and I built together.
Even over years close,
its stayed strongly through
all worse and better.

Until a month ago.

The gap of patience
waiting for you again
to ascend has grown
deeper and wider so
it tears all sense,
no place to defend,
Until my heart's sound
fades away in the wind.
A soft and lonely cadence.
Sarah Spencer Dec 2021
When I fall in love,
I fall hard.
Flat on my face,
scraping both knees,
scuffing both hands.
And no,
I'm not gonna need a band aid
I'm gonna need stitches,
I'm gonna have scars.
I guess that's what I get
for falling so hard.
To all the people I've written love poems to on here over the last four years: Michael, Anthony, Elizabeth, Robert, and Trever. This poem is for youXD
Sarah Spencer Aug 2021
My life is over
I'm sober
but I have nothing to show for it

I know longer try
to die
but it doesn't mean I'm happy

I just want you
I'm blue
but you've already stopped listening

The sky is falling
I'm bawling
but your arms feel so hollow

I've cleaned up my act
please take me back
I'll do anything
I really am sorry you know
Sarah Spencer Sep 2019
I used to feel something
I swear I did
when I was in your arms
a beaming bright kid

but you push me away
without even realizing it
I feel like a ghost
I feel like ending it

but then I can't leave
you know I won't
my heart it aches
it cannot be alone

I crave any touch
even if it burns
I'll only draw nearer
the more that it hurts
Sarah Spencer Nov 2021
Staring back at a skeleton,
watching the sharp, jutting
edges of my ribs ripple
like ocean waves whenever I move.
I can see the bones in my
back
chest
arms
legs
hands
And even though I'm near my death bed
all I see is a fat girl instead.
Sarah Spencer May 2018
Sometimes I just want to die.
At first it was just something small
but now it's grown so humongously tall.
I'm inching towards the edge about to fall.

I can't believe I thought it was a lie
when he talked about her from time to time.
I would empty myself of every dime
just for him to just stop his talking crime.

Is it wrong for me to cry?
The only person I had ever learned to love
has flown away to the above,
the good old morning dove.

but now I can only sigh
it really is my fault
I lock everyone I like into an inaccessible vault
throw away the key,
don't let anyone near me,
thinking I've found the perfect remedy.

But now with him gone, I'm nowhere even near grazing the sky.
This poem really helped me cope with my own Faults of Rejection. I hope it helps you get over the one you love
Sarah Spencer Dec 2018
You start with the cheek
warm against the cold
the embrace leaves me weak
and your hand I take hold
but the passion grows stronger
as you move in near
please linger longer
can't conquer my fear
but those lips they caress
gingerly against my own
the first is a mess
but the craving has grown
until I phene
on the taste of your nicotine
Sarah Spencer Dec 2021
As we stared down at my bed,
the unrumpled sheets military made
awful thoughts ran though my head
and refused to fade away.
We took off each other's clothes,
my hands shaking like leaves
and right before he laid me down I froze
"I don't think I can do it," I breathed.
And that's when he pulled me in close,
our bodies throbbing with heat,
and that's when I realized I loved him the most,
that he was the one that made me complete.
And as he gently lowered me onto the sheets
the fears I had felt began to retreat...
I don't know if this poem will make people feel uncomfortable but I've been wanting to write something like this for awhile so I stopped caring. My first time is such a beautiful moment that I keep close to me and I wanted to write down my experience as it happened...
Sarah Spencer Aug 2019
I was watered down
my raging fire
was singed to the ground

I may be a liar
mean and nasty
my words they hurt
the pain everlasting

I'll throw on the dirt
and **** your flame
I'll rage once more
remain untamed

I'll settle the score
an eye for an eye
I no longer care
If your light dies

For I will finally flare
Sarah Spencer Dec 2021
Where there is light,
love will always follow
Where there is darkness
I will be your flashlight
I think I'm going to try and put out a poem every day whether I like it or not.
Sarah Spencer Aug 2021
I hate that it's true
but I really miss you
I know I said we're through,
that I'm better off without your abuse,
that I hate whenever you blow a fuse

But sometimes people get lonely
that even though I'll say "I hate you!" coldly
deep down I want you back

Every day I have a panic attack
because you're not around
because I'll never hear the sound
of your soft voice ever
again reassuring me that we'll always be together
Forever
I really hope I'll have the guts to show you this.
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