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I'm back! What did I miss?
Its been 2 years.
"her name"

I'm not overreacting
Not making up
negative scenarios in my head
I feel too much,
too fast

A thousand needles
rip and tear me
from the inside out
A weight inside me falling,
breaking my heart into a million pieces.

My heart feels like it has stopped beating
and it begins to be hard to breathe
for my lungs stop working
and I try to gasp for air  

I clench my fists
draw blood from my palms

Forcefully, I let out a smile
using it to cover up the pain I feel
And the tears hiding behind my eyes
As I laugh making painful jokes.

But you'll never know it
Because I hid it from you
I am a dreamer.
I vision things that don't yet exist.

I am a stubborn believer.
I believe my visions come true.

I am limitless.
I dream big dreams.
She doesn't think kindly of me,
putting me through anything
she can imagine for me
and all I can tell you is
the craters are common
and the lows come often.
I gain just to lose,
so how low can I stoop?
I lie about my life,
that's the only real truth.
You tell me to chin up
but that point is moot
'cause I am not properly trained,
I am not some kind of war troop.
It's always been me vs. world,
I never fit in with the group.
I chase every high I can try,
but Destiny always comes through
to bring me back to the ground
where I started the climb I knew.
I brainstorm on a blank page
but life is never like what I drew.
Sometimes Destiny isn't so kind. She's definitely not fond of me, lol.
Another chapter
in this same old story
but maybe today I will go
down a different path
to break the monotony.
Kind compliments
to a random stranger
or maybe I'll decide to try
something new for dinner.
It's always the small things
that can turn around a bad day
so maybe that little push
for some difference can save
what I feel are always sad days.
I've been defeated enough lately
so maybe today I'll listen
to a new song and look
for something beautiful
outside of this window,
at least for once.
If every day feels the same and if we really are the authors of our own lives then we need to write a new chapter in this same old story for once.
You were the sunrise in the morning
I was the clouds in the sky
You were wide blue eyes sparkling
I was the bitter white lies

You were the child made to explore
I was the one dragging you home
You were fighting to be on your own
I was afraid you'd leave me alone
air bubbles float with ocean foam
each time my breath escapes

my lungs deflate
my vision shakes

body sinking

i try to survive off of air bubbles
because it's all i have left
believe him when he says
I will always take care of you
because even if he fails you
at least you'll be devastated
at least you'll feel something
jan. 26, '22
We all build walls
Some are to hide behind
Some to prevent
Some to keep out
Some to mark areas
We all build walls
Some are real
Some are imaginary
Some are brick or wood
Some are stone or concrete
We all build walls
They are boundaries
Or borders
Or limiters
We all build walls
They can be high and reach the sky
Or low easy to jump or climb
They can lock someone out
Or keep them in
We all build walls
Let’s tear them down
And come together
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