i don't think
you were made from stars
i see no stardust attached
to you
nor planets behind your eyes
you hold no traits of your own
only makeshift feelings and
words made of concrete
~so maybe you were made from the rubble

the stars told me a story about you
they said you were to have a heart
made to fill every space with love
they wrote about the way you
were meant to exist
the way you were meant to have depth
and meaning
but i met you and suddenly i saw
that the stars got it all wrong
because maybe you were never
made from stardust
~ you do not match the constellation
you were suppose to be made of

take me to the depths of your soul,
do not leave me here restless
on the surface of the earth,
i ask for you to exist within the
beauty i so strongly desire,
and allow me to travel to a
place that intertwines us,
from this, a crater of love
shall inevitably form in the rubble,
so in the wild fight for existence,
we create something that endures
outliving the age of our souls

everything erupts inside me.
it comes out angry and
heartbroken and confused
until all the fire and light burn out.
i am no longer the girl
with thousands of brightly lit
stars attached to her body.
but the truth is i can-- we all can
move on from what broke us,
what took us from our place in the stars,
and what changed us forever.
i may not move through the stars
the same way i once did,
but i will keep moving.
the need to fight, to heal, to exist
is enough for me to find all the stars
hidden underneath all the pain and what if's.
so maybe —just maybe— the girl
with a thousand brightly lit stars
is still there somewhere ready to feel free again.

my mind is a maze
and i no longer
wish to find the
exit

one shot won't
fill it but maybe five or six
one pill won't do it
but maybe eight or nine
one night didn't fix it
but maybe twelve

the space is growing bigger
with each person that leaves
perhaps i'll double the dose
to double my chance
at being w h o l e
again

six shots didn't work
so maybe ten or twelve
nine pills didn't do it
so maybe sixteen or seventeen
twelve nights didn't fix it
so maybe thirty