One Of The Tired Souls

One Of The Tired Souls Dec 2017

This will be my first Christmas in eight years without you
And it's nearly brought me to my knees
I waited for you
I waited
The one thing you apparently can't do
Everyone leaves
Everyone
EVERYONE LEAVES
but . . .
I never thought it would be you.

This will always be our season
Even though
You Lied, Love

To my dearest Jenny, you broke my heart tonight, love.

#broken #heart #last #christmas #you #left #couldnt #wait

One Of The Tired Souls Nov 2017

Withdrawal

In a nutshell you are the ocean
And I am a toy boat
Caught in the waves
We collided and I was sent rolling . . .
Rolling
MDMA, lovers speed
You taste good but you could **** me
My personal brand of ectasy
Or maybe you're LSD
You changed me
The chemicals in my brain
Will never be the same
I'm stained
Acid psychosis
Too many doses
But what I like most is
You running through my veins
I marked the needle with your name
You're the flame under the spoon
One pin-***** takes me to the moon
It's over too soon
Then I'm jonesing
Can't stand to be alone see,
But time is pretty crystals
A quarter is too pricey
Days go by and I'm spun out
Strung out
Hard to find time when the sun's out
What can I say, I guess I'm a ******
Losing my mind when you leave me
But the high is like no other
We might **** each other
It's out of control
But your eyes are the color of my soul
And I want you to stay
****, please don't walk away
Just one more hit and I'll be there
Don't go, just say you care
And I'll keep nodding
Brain rotting
Veins buzzing
That good loving
*I need you

#love #and #other #drugs #got #me #messed #up #i #need

One Of The Tired Souls Oct 2017

Untitled

I smoke cigarettes so that I know I'm still breathing

One Of The Tired Souls Oct 2017

Close To Love

. The morning after
When I told my mother
That he made me touch him
She took my to the bathroom
To wash my hands -
Because he made me *****
With his essence
Now that I am older
That crime
still lives on my skin
And in my mind
I can't help but wonder-
If I wouldn't have felt so soiled
Had everyone not told me
That I was that way
I was just a little girl
With big blue eyes
But I understood right then
That *** meant grime
They tell me that it's not my fault
That I had no part in the scene
It severed the ties in my mind
That made me a part of the thing
Now I still don't connect emotionally
During ***

Instead I simply submit-
Because that's as close to love
As I'll ever get .

#molestation #abuse #****** #mental #scars #coping #mechanisms #love

One Of The Tired Souls Oct 2017

"Make Love"

Nothing says I love you like swollen lips and saliva dripping down my chin. Do you like me when I'm messy and wild with my hair remembering your fingers? Pornstars smile when they ****, but I beg instead. I arch for you so beautifully. When my cheek is pressed to the sheets and you take a handful of my hair and force me to curve - that's dedication. I entertain for you. Wear pretty lace for you. I get on top on bottom on my side on my knees for you. I want abuse from you. Leave rope burns on my wrist. Leave welts on my ***. I want you to rip my hair from my head. Why don't you spread me out for you? Why don't you push my boundaries? I'm ******* but you don't mean it. I don't want comfort. I want aching shoulders and rope tracks. I want handprints on the inside of my thighs. I want to* hurt. *Last night I was begging you to break me. I wanted to feel you today. I wanted there to be holes in the walls and blood in my mouth. I wanted all the hate I've been carrying to come out of my mouth while I screamed your name. But you don't hate me. And I don't "make love." Because Lord knows I can't love you without my clothes on.

#aggression #anger #hate #**** #love #*** #i #dont #make

One Of The Tired Souls Oct 2017

Art

. . . I hate everything about what you've done to me; but the art. Good God, the art .. .

Once upon a time I was your canvas. Now you've given me something to put on mine.

#art #heartbreak #sadness #depression #left #leaving #goodbye #good #god #the