I’m sorry for what I’ve done
I really am
I never meant to hurt you like this
I know there is nothing that I could do
For me to change what happened between us
But I hope
That one day
You will forgive me
And still see me as your daughter

I love you mom.....

Depression,
I can’t escape from my own depression
Don’t judge me,
For I didn’t want this
Don’t judge me,
When you’re even fighting your own demons
Don’t judge me,
For no one is really perfect.

Funny thing about life is,
I’m scared to live
But I am not scared to die.  
That I just feel that the blade I’m holding is my only friend
The same exact reasons the scars that I had bury deep within my wrists.
I even tried to overdose and take my life away. 

Tired of feeling hopeless there just sitting down beside my bed.

LIFE IS LIKE A STORM
THAT IS FULL OF PAIN
ONE DAY IT WILL COME OUT OF NOWHERE
AND RUIN ME
THEN THE NEXT DAY
IT WILL LEAVE ME
SCARED, HURT
AND RUINED
WHERE THERE BE NO ONE
TO HELP ME
BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP IT FROM COMING BACK BACK
AND MAKING THINGS WORSE FOR ME
I'M READY!
I'M FINALLY READY TO LEAVE
WHERE I COULD GET MY PEACE
EVEN IF IT MEANS TO **** MY OWN LIFE
AND THIS IS MY GOODBYE.

Breathe in, Breathe out
You can do this
Breathe in, Breathe out
You are stronger than this
Breathe in, Breathe out
You can still fight
Breathe in, Breathe out
You  have one chance

Breathe in, Breathe out
Please let go of that blade.....

Promise me,
That you would be a good boy
That you would not complain
Of how you hate eating vegetables
Or
That you don't have enough time
To play too much video games

Promise me,
To always
Come back home on time
So that Mom and Dad won't be worried
To always
Finish your homework
Because education is important
To always
Be yourself
No matter what people say

Because
I won't be there
To remind you
Of this
When I'm dead

I love you baby brother
                                                                             From your only sister.

When you like the rain
Silence will come to you
When you hear the bird chirping
Silence will come to you
When you see the fishes swimming in the clean water
Silence will come to you
When you hear the ocean waves
Silence will come to you

Let the silence come
Let the silence come to us

Robert William is dead,
Kate ***** is dead,
My best friend is dead,
Who's the culprit?
Suicide.

Dear stranger
I still remember the day
When you came to our house
With a gun pointed to my family
The day that the eight year old me
First saw how messed up this world is
This might sound weird
I promise you,
I won’t forget that day
But I will promise you,
That one day
I will forgive you
For ruining my childhood

Family
Loves you unconditionally
Trust you no matter what
Accepts you for who you are

Yet
When I look up
I saw your eyes
The same eyes
That shines too bright
Like a flawless diamond
The same eyes
That would look at me
Wih love and adoration

But
This time
I saw hurt
In your eyes
I see pain
In your eyes
That I would want to take away

I want to open my mouth
To say "I'm sorry"
And tell you that
I didn't mean it
But I didn't
My ego was too big
That made everything hard

You waited
I kept quiet
You finally
Stood up
And left me
Alone in that
Empty, dark
Basement

I'm sorry DAD.

Under my bed
There are three things I hide
A rope
A knife
A bottle of pills
The question is,
Which one would I choose?
Should I use the rope?
Like a snake that will choke a person to death
Should I use the knife?
That I always felt to be my friend
Should I use the bottle of pills
That would be emptied once I swallowed everything
Like how life really felt
All of them seems tempting
But not too alluring
And too thrilling

Don’t act too surprised
You knew this will happen
You just choose to not pay attention
And stick to it
Funny thing is that
We both always felt scared of living
More than dying

Now that I am gone,
What will you do my friend?
Will you hang yourself in the ceiling?
Cut deep through your throat?
Or?
Die in a heavy sleep?
Like there will be no tomorrow
Or
Will you let
Your regrets and guilt
Eat you alive
And hunt your vivid dreams
Every night.

Tik Tok, Tik Tok ….

You only have a short time
Think wisely
For this choice is yours
And not mine

I am from a town who never loved me,
Until Captain Hook took me away
From I am a lost gurl from Netherland,
Who hangs out with Peterpan

I am from bending laws abd cutting rules,
From I’m about to risk it all for I ain’t got too much to lose.
I am form revenge is the best medicine,
From to increase the dose and to unleash the monsters.

I am from no trust and broken promises,
From lack of hope and freedom.
I am from lying and keeping secrets from my parents,
From new arguments everyday.
I am from being misunderstood and putting others before myself,
From forging others and moving on in life.
I am from a useless child in their eyes,
From being emotionally separated to them in life.

Look at the mirror
There's a man holding a gun
Pointing it to your head
And all you can do
Is smile

Why did you pull the trigger?