they say all of it is worth it
in the end, it is.

weeks maybe excruciatingly long,
but the universe gives me these
tiny breaks inbetween
as if it's telling me:
"here's love, comfort and home.
there's a storm coming,
more destructive than the last one.
but i know that you're stronger.
your bones are steel,
your spirit is unbreakable,
and you will survive,"

and i will.

I feel like vomiting each time we speak,
because I always have to put up a show.

I am more than the surface of my skin,
and the honey pouring from my mouth.

You cannot say otherwise,
for I find a home in me,
and you cannot bring my doors down.

I wish I had wings,
To fly close to your sun,
Fall into the depths of you,
Sail your seas,
And find the paradise,
Where your heart resides.

I lie awake with the moon, pouring my secrets to the ceiling,
Sinking in my own mind, drowning in my own thoughts.
I think my soul is missing.

I rise with the sun and fill my eyes with light,
Then walk with my hollow bones and missing heart.
They won't notice, right?

The sun sets as I wrap ten fingers around my neck.
I sink and watch the dayglow leave from beneath.
There's water in my lungs, where oxygen used to be.
I wish I could stop drowning in my own sea.

I hope you know your words are like knives.
Cutting through my flesh, sticking out my back.
Some of them may leave scars and never mend,
but you should know that I can't feel the stabs.
They're in places others have already been before,
so why don't you take them out?