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 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
I like you,
but why do you like me?
I'm not pretty
Nor do I have an amazing personality.
I wanted it to be true that you liked me back
But I so badly don't want you to like
Someone who lacks
Any good qualities.
I mean, maybe it's the my insecurity,
But you could do much better than me
I hate myself
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
Delusional conclusions
Fulfilled by hallucinations.
Chasing the shadows
Of your internal conflicts
Tricked by your own brain
That everyone is playing the game
Called your life,
Feeling as if you were going insane,
Not wanting to blame- no, believe-
Your own family
Has turned against you,
But the voice in your head
Keeps shouting,
Telling you your own kids want you dead
And you fed into your own demons
Because it's hard no to drown when
You're in a large body of shark infested water,
No matter how hard you fight to survive.
Im sorry, this is just very personal to me. idk if it's good, bad, okay, or whatever.
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
My heart
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
A thread and a needle
Can't stitch any deeper
Than you have gone
To my heart
dont ask why I did this. it shouldn't be published, but I published it anyways
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
Pretty petty perfection,
Looking at my reflection,
Wishing for any form of validation
That my suffering means something.
My body burning, aching
From last nights purging.
Oh how much worse it could have been.
Going out of my way to seek attention
That I  desperately need
While not wanting it at the same time.
People judge,
But they do not see.
They don't see what's behind the suffering.
They don't see the burning
All over my body.
They do not see me crying myself to sleep every night.
They don't see me holding on to everyone tight,
In hopes that maybe they won't leave
Maybe it's a way of feeling better about myself,
To see how well I can hide so much pain,
But it's better to hide the mess in a closet
To appear clean
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
When calories become evil,
When diets become starvation,
When 90 pounds becomes fat,
When the scale becomes a shrine,
When life doesn’t feel worth living,
When 3 hours of exercise becomes normal,
Someone starts dying
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
"Perfect"
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
Pretty, skinny. perfect,
Everything I want to be.
Well, I mean on the outside at least.

You post pictures of your "great" feast,
But I know it was a binge.

You appear so perfect and normal,
But you shed that skin
As you become out of sight.

Anxiety, mental break downs,
And I don't even know what.

You don't try to hide it,
Yet you somehow don't let it show.
At least to those who you don't know.

I understand so much,
Yet I don't at the same time.

You are so skinny,
Yet you don't eat and call yourself fat.
I understand hating yourself so much,
You make yourself suffer.
I understand it is your only need to cope.
Yet I don't understand
How someone has never been fat like me
Is taught and told to hate herself.

I want the best for you,
But I still don't know how bad it got.

I just can't stand to see you look perfect,
While no one sees your pain, fear, or guilt.
If you're reading this, im sorry. you deserve better than any of what you're going through
 Aug 2018 Selena WH
Moni
Éire,
The beauty of a broken land,
Where each and every man
Took up his own fight
And fought it with all his might
. I really should keep learning Gaeilge (irish language)
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