I bit open a lie and it tasted like you.

I am a lot of things.
But not everything I'd like to be.
And in this I find myself
To be worthless. Boring.

I am not the crashing waves
I'm not the burning fire
Or the rumbling, sturdy ground.
Or the breeze or wind.

Why, oh why, can I not be
Everything that seems so exciting.
Why am I stuck,
In this flesh and blood?
Far away from my dream.

Sometimes I feel comfortable in my body,
and sometimes I feel like ripping off my skin.
At times I like what I see
I like what I wear
but then again at times I feel
like shattering the mirror and
the images in it.
Sometimes I feel like ripping off my hair
removing the fat with my bare hands.
But then I feel stupid for whining about
something so trivial.
because it's the inner beauty that counts
isn't it?
and after that I set off in another trail of despair
am I pretty enough within?

my life is short
and
i am nothing but a vapor
i am smaller than small
and yet You
rejoice when
You hear my voice
singing to You
You celebrate when
my lips glorify You
and to know that I make You smile
makes me smile.

i wish i could get inside Your head
and figure out what You were thinking
when
You created the universe.
i wish i could get inside Your head
when
You made me.
what was going through Your head
when
You formed my tiny feet and hands
my face
my heart
my mind?
what was going through Your head
when
i said yes to You?
i wish i could get inside Your head
and figure out what You were thinking
when
Your son died for me.
i probably wouldn't
understand what was going through Your head
because
Your mind is
infinite and complex and everywhere
so i will settle
with thinking that You were thinking
that You loved
me.