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 May 2015 Maxwell
jordan
I should have seen the warning signs.
Maybe then i could have prevented it.
Maybe i could have told her something, anything that would have made her feel better.

you couldn't

I should have seen the warning signs.
Maybe then i could have told somebody.
Maybe then i could have gotten the help she needed.

i wouldn't listen

I should have seen the warning signs.
Maybe then i wouldn't be sitting here, reading the obituaries, trying to erase her name.

it was unpreventable

I should have seen the warning signs.

*you did
I hardly knew you
And yet sometimes the wind
Decides to hit me in some way
And I remember that you're gone.

Sometimes someone mentions your name
Or I see a flower
For you were like a blossom
And I feel like someone has placed me in a dream

It's easier to forget that you existed
It's easier. If you were alive but just not around
I would hardly bat an eyelid.

It's just that every time I go back to the last place I saw you
I remember that I held your hand.
Could I have done something?
Could I have eased your pain?

I would do anything.

Standing on the beach where you died,
I wondered where it was that you took your final breath
And if it was your own decision.

You are among the faeries now, in the hawthorn,
The primrose blooms brighter now that you are in her earth
The birds sing with you
And sometimes I can almost see you among the trees,
Laughing as the wren dances.

I don't know where people go when they die
But I hope you're somewhere in the forest.

I can't stop wondering.

Who found you lying there?
When did your children hear?
I cannot begin to think,
For if you were my mother I would have loved you
Loved you to the deepest part of my heart

I will never know, because I am
And always will be,
Just some girl you saw once in a while
Shared a song and a kind word with
Shared some of your beauty with
And who wishes she had never met you

Because she can't handle the pain of losing someone that she would have loved if she had known she would die.
10.
I wake up in the morning, my door still locked from the night before
Where I hid myself from the world.
9.
Standing at the bus stop, hoping no one notices the cuts on my wrists or my red, blood shot eyes.
8.
Roaming the halls I generally tried to avoid them, but they always seem to find me, again, and again.
7.
Lunch is the same as always, I'm sitting alone, hoping someone notices me...all I need is a friend.
6.
The bus ride home is full of more taunting...all because I love someone of the same gender...
5.
I finally get home, I do my normal routine, go upstairs to my room, lock the door, and get out my razor.
4.
I'll spend about an hour or so, making the same motions over and over again, thinking...I can't change who I am...
3.
My mom comes home and says that she is starting dinner, I tell her okay, it'll be about an hour.
2.
After dinner I read the texts that the others from school sent me...all the same...mean...discrimination against me...
1.
I'm in my closet...with the chair...and the rope I took from the garage...I'm crying at the note I just left at my door...I go and I knock the chair from under my.
This is a poem that involves a countdown. It is also partially based off of the song Make It Stop (September's Children) by Rise Against.
 May 2015 Maxwell
Elise Davis
I might have told you some of these things,
If you were alive.
 
You had an amazing body from the moment we hit seventh grade.
Your ***** just sat, round and high,
Your ******* pointed straight outward,
Like a freak of nature, or an action figure.
Cheering at football games
Girls hated standing next to you because
You peeled their boyfriend’s eyes from their skirts to yours.

One summer night on Garrett’s roof,
After making turkey sandwiches at two in the morning,
******* the fumes in your thin lips,
Watching the smoke twist in the air
In front of your ice blue eyes,
And your white blonde hair,
We talked about ***.
About how it’s ****** up
      how it is so much harder
For girls to have *******.

Then I dated Jesse,
After you.
We were 16.
Sometimes I think about the night I told you I was sorry,
In the parking lot by the river.
Your breath smelled like Doritos and cherry *****,
You fooled around with your pink shirt
Telling me it was ok.

We talked about our secret handshake.
We talked about how you used to want to be nicknamed cupcake,
We talked about the time we had a séance.
Age eleven bringing back ******,
On your screened-in porch,
Warm air swayed the candle flames,
Crickets in the darkness around us,
Suddenly,
A biker knocked over your trashcan in the ally.
 
You are dead now.
But you did it.
 
Sometimes I’ll eat too much,
Or *****,
Or smoke half a pack of cigarettes,
When I think about you.
One night last summer I ate an entire half-gallon of vanilla ice cream,
Alone in my kitchen.
My stomach felt sick for three days.
 
I walk the trail behind your house,
The one where you think you started your period.
The first place we ever smoked ***.
I talk to the trees about you.
When the wind blows the branches
And the dry leaves sound,
In that gentle shudder,
Along the cold ground,
My skin prickles,
And the hair on my arms rises towards the sky.
 May 2015 Maxwell
Graff1980
She has given more than blood
And in those sheets the seeds of deceit
Were planted deep
Emptiness spewing from her wrists
Silver gleaming razor crisp
Deeply embedded metal tip
That slashed and ripped
Her pale white skin
She slipped it in
To slide it out
Feeling every metal millimeter
And every maroon milliliter
Till the anemia of death
Was bled dry
Till the crimson
Became crusty brown
The last bath to bleed her of her past
The last question she never asked
Laying silently as she basked
In the calm but clammy haze
Of the last seconds of her last day
 May 2015 Maxwell
Cat Fiske
Maria,
 May 2015 Maxwell
Cat Fiske
Dear My sweetie Maria,
Growing up,
isn't such a lovely cup of tea,
and girls with the grace of honey bee's,
don't always get what we hoped for,

and some may have shut the door on your corps,
but you clearly wanted more then to smell the affair in the air,
like how children always cared with every strand of hair in there body,
we say our prayers even if our minds were foggy,

Stormy weather is when I see you walking in the rain,
as if the pain will drain and you're looking to gain something too,
and if we could break threw you and your secrets,
we can help you get through all your weakness and pain.

but you've chained your life story and locked the key in your book,
and if there was a way to look I would,
I know your not understood but listen when I say,
"I'd give my happiness away any day for you to feel happy and okay,"

But Maria says "she's dying,"
though her door all I here is her crying,
and i'm fighting for this door to open up,
and Maria came out to show she didn't completely give up on herself,

but Maria isn't protecting her I'm not either,
Maria neither cares to survive or die,
Maria won't say why, or let alone goodbye,
and Maria's alive because of the pulse,

like the machine your impulse to not pull the plug,
even though they feel as worthless as bugs we **** for nothing,
because the thing about bugs,
we find them to be worthless and bugging so we pull their plugs,

Maria I don't want to pull your plug,
but Maria, you're like the bugs,
the bugs who are your friends,
but you all attend; a part in a oddball circus tightrope act.

some walked on and got claps while others fell as they failed again,
but Maria remained on the wire,
until Maria went up to higher stories in the air,
climbed a story for every story Maria never cared to tell,

Maria screamed and yelled "Are you looking up at the building?"
"I'm thinking of jumping, I'm tired of living this life,"
"I'm tired of this ******* knife, it doesn't help me,"
"I'm just tired of wanting Something,"

"I was just a girl outside, and he disgusted me,"
"he tried to drown me in this sea of lies he told and did,"
"I was a kid, I had hid this for so long thinking I did wrong,"
"I just never belonged, I'm ruined don't you see, I am worth nothing,"

"I just see nothing here, just Nothing"
"so I'm falling down here, so try and catch me, but i'm falling,"
"I Just can't see nothing,"
"here.."
just look at your kids, friends, lovers, who ever, because you don't know what is wrong with them, I have had friends save my life,
 May 2015 Maxwell
Mindy Belgard
Your name is like champagne
Bubbly crisp refreshing
Your body is like red wine
Cabernet.. a few more glasses closer to numbing my pain
Your voice is like brandy                  
Cognac... a few more sips to settle in an alternate universe
Your kiss is like Tennessee honey
Whiskey.. a few more shots to keep the branch of thorns tight around my frail heart
Your soul is like smirnoff
*****... wild and ice cold      
You are exotic eccentric exciting
And I am nothing more than a cheap beer from a ****** bar.. hanging from a chain tied to your rist... along for the wrong ride
Because your all I've ever wanted to drink from
 May 2015 Maxwell
FallenAngel93
I was so close,
Last night,
And you stopped me,
Why?

Do you hate me,
That ******* much,
I'm hurting,
Broken,
Disgusted with myself,
Sick in many ways,

I don't see why you,
Insist to keep me here,
Let me go,
I know it'll hurt,
But let me go,
Because one big thing is,

I don't want to be here without you,
I told you that,
Yet I am,
So let me go away,
To another place,
And just stay there,
For a good bit,
We will meet up someday.
last night I was so close to ending my life. But yet I just had another sleepless night. But one thing I have never done is brake like this in school. And look at me. You seen me this morning, everyone did. That is disgusting. Understand now? Why I say all those "horrible" things about me. Maybe just maybe because they are the truth??
 May 2015 Maxwell
Jo
FtM
 May 2015 Maxwell
Jo
FtM
I've been painted pink the instant the doctors
Wiped me of red.
I looked like the boys I knew - our differences a
Color palette provided by Mommy and Daddy.
I was their little girl, their princess who wished
Her hair would stop growing,
Lest she be locked in a stone tower.
I didn't mind the dress so much then,
Not when it was the only difference between me
And them.

Magic mirror before me, is wrong all I'll ever be?
I shut my eyes, unable to stand my body bare.
My knight, your skin simply is not right.
I've read the mirror never lies.

Mommy and Daddy are yelling
About my butch haircut.
Our little girl the ****, they say.
I did it myself.
Mommy still buys me dresses,
Daddy tells her to spend the money on
Therapy instead.
Daddy asks about boyfriends,
Mommy tells him I don't have any because I
Hide my *******.
I tell them I'm all wrong.
They agree.
We're talking about two different things.

I don't change for gym anymore.
The girls are secretly relieved I won't be there
To cast a wandering eye in their soft bodies.
I'm relieved I won't be in the wrong locker room.

Mommy and Daddy don't like me
Telling them who I am.
I've finally found my way out of the tower and
The king and queen are upset because their
Princess never made it home, just the knight.
My little girl, Mommy cries.
I follow the point of Daddy's finger to the door
Until I'm on a bus bound for somewhere else.

I shift from Pangea into separate pieces.
Finally I have space to breathe.
Needles, knives, pills bend my body to my will -
It took Michelangelo three years to build David.

Mommy and Daddy believe me to be
A delivery man. They are expecting to sign off
On a television set, yet when they see me
Idle in the doorframe there is a hesitance, a hope.
But most of all there is silence.
Mommy cannot speak, her hand curls like a gasp
Around her mouth.
Daddy begins to cry, his eyes pale and blue.
I am hugged.
They don't say sorry, but I hear then whisper.
My little boy, they say. My little boy.
Empathy poem for class
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