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Oct 18 · 238
Some Days
Some days
I'm . . . okay.

Some days
I turn out the lights
and start crying.
Sep 25 · 87
Reasonable Addiction
I lay here in bed
Yearning for the taste
The only reason to get out of bed

The warm comforting feel
Filling my mouth
Filling me with hope

I look forward to it
I want it first thing in the morning
I want it last thing in the evening

One heaping spoonful
Stirred in to get my fix
Sweet, sweet bliss to rot my teeth

Finally, I feel "normal"
Sep 18 · 79
Sep 14 · 301
America: A Zero Sum Game
Remember that feeling in 2016,
when your choices were - an orange
crybaby or **** filled latrine.

Vote for the third party or abstain,
both of which are options,
options labeling you as vain.

A zero sum game.
Only you're to blame.
A sense of shame.
Profanities, exclaim!
. . . All in the same. . .

Take that nausea and superimpose it
on to every aspect of your life.
2020 has been nothing but $h!t
Originally wrote this as I have been feeling uncertain lately. When I started supporting activist groups in my area, they preached do what you can but don't put yourself in danger. I didn't notice the fine print, if you don't quite your job because of racists you are a terrible person. Just about every at my job is racist and it sickens me. They are sexist too, so I may have white privilege (that I acknowledge) but I still get shat on. In the time of Covid-19, massive wildfires, and over 100k in student loans, I need this job. No matter how poorly I am being treated. Godess bless Capitalism! I have no support group, as they live across the country. I actively fear for my life. But no matter what I "choose", it is always wrong.
Sep 10 · 238
Apocalypse Skys
Orange shining through the window
We head outside to take a peek
Blue sky's to the North
A dark haze from the South

Small particulates drifting in the air
You reach out, and a piece lands on your hand
It looks like plant matter, only grey
You gently touch it with your free hand

. . . Ash.
September 2020 wildfires light up the west coast. My perspective from a small coastal town in Oregon. Miles from active burns.
Sep 4 · 49
Fat Crush
Retro clothes, golden glasses, rainbow suspenders.

Wide face, soft skin, petite woman.

Tongue tied, stupid words, blush.
Aug 27 · 159
"Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good."

Disappearing, disintegrating, dust.

"I don't want to exist anymore"

Words you can never tell anyone.
Aug 20 · 93
Shrimp Ramen Secret
Do you have a silly secret?
Something that doesn't hurt anyone.
A silly thing to giggle at.
It isn't a lie but still you feel sly.

In a past life time I used hide my candy bars in a shrimp ramen package.

No one ever touched them.
No one ever knew.
I giggle to myself,
through and through.
Aug 14 · 204
The Woman
The useless skin around the v*gina, the woman.
Quiet, meek, sensitive, a pushover,
the woman.
A female dog!
The woman.
Patronized and ignored,
the woman.
Living in a backwards town, where people treat people terrible.
Aug 10 · 54
My Escape
Go take a bubble bath
to wind down.
Just relax.
I can't JUST relax.
How do people even do that?

Setup Netflix,
Get my nail polish,
and face mask
Something to drink?
Of course!
Hot baths dehydrate you.

Now for the tricky part.
Not cotton candy.
Not Popcorn.
They disintegrate.
I think tonight's bath
Will be served with
an omelette.
Aug 8 · 318
You don't belong.
A white ally in a black movement.
You don't belong.
Not gay enough for LGBTQ+.
You don't belong.
A masters in sciences is not good enough.
You don't belong.
The media claims I'm fat.
You don't belong.
Annoying, controlling, selfish.
You don't belong.
Caring too much.
You don't belong.
Not caring enough.
You don't belong.

Day after day.
You don't belong.
Aug 3 · 1.4k
Makeup, Makedown
I wear makeup to work,
So people treat me better.

I work with fish.
I get covered in slime.
I don't make tips.
(Not that, that is acceptable)
I have a fiance.
I'm off market.
I'm not there to impress anyone.

No makeup.
I'm ignored.
My credentials are questioned more.
They pick fights.
They behave poorly.

With makeup well,
I only have to deal with one creepy person.

I wear makeup to work,
So people treat me better.
Aug 3 · 135
Speed Stick
What is wrong with me?
Unregulated hormones up the wall?
I'm getting older, arn't these hormones supposed to chill out?
I already use man-deodorant.
It lasts longer and works better.
My body had abandoned hope for women's Secret or smelling like Teen Spirit long ago.
Three applications a day.
Avoid synthetics, they hold smell.
Shower every morning to manage.
The sweet scent of Gain can only do so much.
The state of our current political affairs, is the root cause.
Lacking basic human rights, is the root cause.
A country of ignorant people spreading hate, is the root cause.
Deodorant doesn't stand a chance!
Jul 28 · 43
Anxiety Engulfed
Some one is pulling my spine out.
Their hands are wrapped around my Thoracic.
The pain spreads to my nerves around my ribs and up my shoulders.

A ghost blows a cool, long, slow gust of air on the back of my neck.
Taking a second to pass though my body, laughing at me.

Fire and ice covers my skin.
It burns. It burns. It burns.
The fire burns and the ice bits.
It bites. It bites. It bites.

A cool crisp cider to pour down my throat to quench and drench the pain.
New friends, good company not knowing my flaws and holding my hostage.

Knowing, I'm stuck in isolation.
Cider and friends are a slim possibility.
I can't fix it. Subdue it. Ignore it.
Jul 24 · 158
My brain is running a million programs a second.

Why can't I remember anything?
Jul 18 · 81
Some Days
Some days I can feel the cool metal
Pressed under my chin

Life rushing by, pressure on the peddle
Head hanging over the bin

Some days I can feel my heart's been ripped out
Hollow, outlined in pain, eating at me

My head spinning, I can't find the best route
Pretending everything is okay, sipping tea

Some days I just want to throw-up
People in this world make me nauseous (including me)

Can't handle the word, hide behind make-up
Over trusting over cautious

Some days my mind won't stop spinning

Some days my mind won't stop spinning

. . . Some days my mind won't stop spinning
Jul 17 · 79
Crack the Closest Door
Growing up I was the "tomboy" a term
I now loathe.

My mom had a lesbian roommate, LGBT was widely accepted at my school, my brother is bi and my auncle non-binary.

I've been surrounded by this magical group of people and I have always supported them.

But for me it was different. The same rules didn't apply. I loved Buffy the vampire Slayer and other logo shows. But I became defensive when confronted or described with the term lesbian.

It was okay for others, I supported them and was excited. My family wouldn't have cared. But why did it sit on my chest like a boulder for so long? . . . No, not me. I don't like girls!

But did, I was the biggest flirt too!

I even loved a girl. I remembered being nervous in college orientation. She was sitting at a desk to my left. She was thin with big curly hair. I was nervous but I wanted to talk to her.

She looked at me with beautiful brown eyes, a cute little nose, and lips I found myself lost in. She was the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I was a stuttering fool as she asked to compare class schedules.

She became my best friend. We live together, cuddled, and took care of each other. For two years. When the relationship ended, she said she said she felt like she was loosing a boyfriend. Ew, not like that! I was defensive. I did not like girls. I couldn't have, the rules didn't apply to me. The next year it didn't understand why it hurt so much to pass her with her girlfriend at the gym. After two more years I would finally know why.

Working at the coffee shop I saw two lovely young lesbians sharing a *** of tea. Then she handed in an application. She met all of the qualifications. It was delightful to have her in my life. To watch how life could be. She was pretty patient and kind. She took the time to answer the hard questions.

That is the first time, I acknowledged that I might be gay. All girls find other girls pretty, right?

After along drive with my brother, he was convinced I am deep in the closet. How did he know? I didn't even mention it.

Flash forward and I told a boyfriend that I like girls. But it was a secret. That relationship ended. After a bit I told my following. I. Like. Girls. It was a secret. I still didn't want to tell anyone else.

Yesterday, I joined my first LGBTQ+ facebook group. I'm still hesitant to share with anyone I know in person other than my fiancee. He is a man and I do love him. What am I? Am I allowed to Identify as LGBTQ+ if I, a female, is in a relationship with a straight man.

What am I? What am I? What am I?

Probably pansexual. In reality, I am scared.

Today, I wrote this and I am cracking the closest door.
Jul 16 · 64
Upon Waking Up
Upon waking up I hate myself
Peeling out of bed
Like removing lead from a shelf
My head bubbling with dread

Looking in the mirror I feel hallow
My eyes empty
My monologue ever more shallow
If I only knew now, when I was twenty

Did I do the right thing?
Did I say the right thing?
Did I share the right thing?
Did I post the right thing?

Dressed in five day old jammies
Working two jobs
Can't pay of debt reciting taxonomies
Look at the news, now my heart sobs

Why is it so hard to be a good person?
People like you make me sick
Turn around and be a new version
I hope for your sake someday it will click.
Jul 15 · 339
Alonzo Tucker
When I first met you, I cried.
Looking upon your silhouette, I wondered.

Reading your articles, I wanted to know you.
Searching for hours, I would find you.

A traveling boxer, just breaking into fame.
A husband, a father.

She moved from Pennsylvania to Oregon, and was your demise in 1902.
I moved from Pennsylvania to Oregon, and I will remember you.

A decade younger than her, but I feel the responsibility heavy on my shoulders. The resemblance to me, uncanny

She took you to your grave and I will celebrate your life.

Why did it have to take this long?
Check out the Alonzo Tucker Project on Facebook and YouTube to learn more about this man.
Jul 13 · 163
The People of this Town
Working for YOU
Fighting for YOU
Losing sleep for YOU

But me, I work two jobs, have three sick dogs, and over 100,000 dollars in student debt to pay off.

Not enough time to eat, for YOU
Crying for hours, for YOU
Migraines for days, for YOU

In the face of danger, for YOU
Across the street from an AR-15, for YOU
Unwavering as the beast threatens to take my leg, for YOU

Stand up for what's right but keep your mouth shut
Talk less, smile more

But I'm seemingly straight
I am white
Everything I've done means nothing. . .

I am still in support of BLM and the many activist groups in my town. I have put my life in danger and looked upon the man with an AR 15 and stood with my chin up as the opposers dogs threatened to attack.

But it is clear, because I am white and seemingly straight, my voice doesn't matter. As a woman I am use to this. I just didn't expect it from you. I thought, we were fighting for equality, for the marginalized, for those suffering. In return, you don't even know me and you take away my voice.

Keep on fighting the good fight, and you know where to find me.

HelloPoetry is my only true outlet where I feel safe to speak my mind. Thank you HePo
Apr 6 · 152
Bastendorff Beach
Close your eyes, take in a deep breath of the salty air.
Now open them.

With fresh eyes, looking out you see the deep navy blue water and numerous waves in the distant water.
Crash, crash, crashing into each other.
Pristine white cross-hatching sea foam patterns scatter and reform.

You have been walking towards the waters edge and haven't even noticed. The soft cream colored sand starts to darken and harden as you approach the water.

The wind is loud enough to drown out near by conversations and passing cars. You are in your own world. Nothing from the tangible world can touch you. The cool wind constantly battles the suns heat on your face and hands causing your skin to tingle.

You reach your arms out and close your eyes, lost in the moment.

Breathing in the salty fresh air you let go of your troubles, if only for the moment.
If the United States made an Ireland . . .
It would be somewhere on the coast.
It would have massive blue rocky cliffs to hold back the ocean.
It would have fields outlined with shallow rock fences.

If the United States made an Ireland . . .
There would be every shade of green as you walk down the street.
There would be moss dangling from the trees reaching out to you.
There would be rain, lots and lots of rain!

If the United States made an Ireland . . .
People would be sailors, fishermen, and drunkards.
People would be cautious and friendly in the same moment.
People would be the biggest jokers you ever met.

It the United States made an Ireland it would be in Oregon. . .
Mar 31 · 720
Alone Together
Solitude, Bruiting, Un-trusting

Being alone isn't a bad.
Feeling lonely is the worst.

Being alone
most of your life
is isolating.

No one to talk to.
Annoying, Pestering, Nagging

It hurts.

But now . . .
. . . they are alone . . .
. . . all they want to do is talk . . .
. . . your social status sky rockets.

Social Distancing, Quarantine, Survival

When it's over,
It will all revert

I hope not.
Jan 6 · 159
The Oregon Trail
From Pennsylvania to Oregon

Broken, painful, and haunted memories.
Shuffling through items to determine their fate.
Burning my skin, my cheeks, why did I keep those memories for this long?
A relief fills my central nervous system as I draw out the infect capsules laying waste to my body.

Sweet, romantic, and familure memories.
There is only so much space on my horseless carriage.
Juicy to the touch, on my lips and tongue like a pomegranate, leaving me wanting more.
A sorrow fills my eyes as I pour out the dried flowers petals of lost loved ones.

The essentials: blankets, clothes, pots and pans.
The heirlooms: a dish set, jewelry, a dress, a bible.
Funny, I don't even believe in God.

My most prized possessions, my letters, my journals.
To remember a time past, many other lives that I lived.
My bread crumbs to remind me where I came from and how I got here.
Precious food for my soul to help me get up and keep moving forward.

From Pennsylvania to Oregon,
Nov 2019 · 88
What Happened?
I don't feel like I belong anywhere.
Most days I just want to die.
If I say these words I'm being dramatic.
I look around and I have no one.

What happened?

People shut me out.
It's probably my fault.
They won't tell me why.
I can't see a way to fix it.

What happened?

Shut my mouth.
We all die alone.
I'm  tired.

What happened?
Sep 2019 · 119
Circus Freaks
I, the ringmaster, start the show with my top hat on just right and by my side, the lion tamer.

Each day is a show, a facade to let the world know that we are in control and they are safe from the events to come.

Two little monkeys draw your attention to the center ring, one howling and screeching for attention while the other one looks more like a goblin than a monkey. The roll, tumble, and trapeze around the room they demand your attention. The little monkey goblin digs her way in an around the aerial silks as the silly little howler mocks you and laughs at you more forcefully than any clown before.

Then a sideshow freak bombards you with impressive feats that should not be possible for one so small. He the strong man lifts objects easily ten times heavier than him, all the while balancing them on his head. He the sword swallower confusing, disgusting, and still impressive. He the electic act, bitting into live wires and walking away unscathed.

Last to be seen! The final act! The most beautiful and magnificent! The king of the jungle! As the monkeys and the sideshow leave, the powerful and loquacious mane enters. Not much of a talker but when he roars, the sound reverberates through your whole body. Old scars, and soul filled eyes, tell of his conquest and likewise failures. As he and the lion tamer circle each other in the pit, they constantly play the game of Alpha. Albeit, at the end of the say, they are best friends that only want to enjoy a good cuddle.

Ringmaster, lion tamer, monkeys, freak, and the lion, a smattering of strange individuals relying on each other for comfort and safety. Each day a new beginning, a new show, a new chance.

A family.

My family.
Aug 2019 · 180
The Faces of the Moon
A Full Moon, a New Moon, and her many faces in between

Among the multitude of beautiful twinkling lights in the sky, the Moon's can be the most striking

Impulsively, she may lunge towards the Earth, taking the form of a Super Moon, but she is really taking a closer look at her best friend and catching up on their time apart

. . . bulging brightly in the sky, some may think that she is intimidating or curious . . .

During the harvest, she may blush a brilliant red, flirting bashfully with the Sun or fill with rage and anger as she sees the wrongdoing of its many onlookers

The face of the Moon has been studied, poked and prodded, while the dark side of the moon holds her mysteries and secrets tightly, only sharing them with a select few

Sometimes the Moon's confidence gets the best of her and she may venture into the light of day, challenging the sun for the daily spotlight

Hot-headed, filled with passion, friend and foe

It can be hard to keep a level head when you are spiraling through the universe

. . . but most of the time she simply waxes and wanes. . .
Aug 2019 · 63
Broken Pottery
A careless child dropping a vessel.

You can't expect the broken to tell you their pain, sometimes you have to ask.

Air bursting through a window, throwing a vase on the ground.

"Do things because you want to", I don't see the point.

High a top the shelf, the sly cat knocks over the heirloom.

Depression is blinding, defining, chilling, and easily over looked.

Falling over and over again.

Broken over and over again.

Eventually we all are like pottery shattered into dust.
Jun 2019 · 123
Growing Up
I thought I grew up fast. I thought it meant responsibility and paying bills.
I thought it meant living on your own, living the dream, living life the way you wanted. I thought it meant setting your own rules. I thought it meant standing on your own two feet and fighting the good fight. I thought it meant going on the adventure only the movies portray.

I thought I grew up fast. Because I saw things no child should have had to have seen. Because even though I was broken I could still make others smile. Because I had to feed myself, no one else was going to. Because I did the chores without being asked. Because I was responsible. Because I was ahead of my years.

I thought I grew up fast. At 14, I cared what others thought of me. At 15, I realized everyone felt the same way and didn't actually have time to truly judge me. At 16, I realized no one could look past 25 let alone set life goals. At 18, I realized the adults in my life were just making it up as it goes. At 18, I became a legal adult which I soon realized, didn't mean much.

I thought I grew up fast. Growing up doesn't mean responsibility and paying bills.
Growing up doesn't mean living on your own, living the dream, living life the way you wanted. Growing up doesn't mean setting your own rules. Growing up doesn't mean standing on your own two feet and fighting the good fight. Growing up doesn't mean going on the adventure only the movies portray. Growing up leads to the same final stanza for everyone.

2014 death
2017 death
2019 death
2019 death
2019 death

Growing up means watching the people in your life die. Growing up means somehow existing knowing, soon you will be next.
Jun 2019 · 200
Making hard choices every day.
I can't sleep, while the world suffers.
Look in my eyes and share my pain.
Lending money I can never pay back.
Equality, is our dream.
Not ever being good enough for them.
Not having children, is our responsibility.
Isolation, desperation, contimplation.
Always hungry for a bigger challenge.
Lonely networking eager faces.
May 2019 · 71
Erlenmeyer flask
Losing myself in the past encompassment if you're purple fluid.

Nothing in the world makes sense anymore, but this is vividly lucid.

It is the first time in a long while my mind has been at ease.

Stuck in this cold smelly laboratory, you wobble as a beautiful flower in a gentle spring breeze.

Spinning round and round and watching as your viscous liquid collapses on its center.

As the bubbles float to your surface, and your opaqueness turns transparent, so do I imbibe the truth of reality.

Just as it began, so will it end at my hand.

Your fortune awaits as you help to reveal the secret that the naked I cannot see.

I can only hope my future is as beautiful as yours.
Apr 2019 · 83
Cold blue water in the dead of night and fancy shows like the northern lights. Ice covered rails just add to the mystery of the international piece of history. We were walking through Flower gardens and Duffin's Island but a friendly squirrel took us on a flight to Dreamland.

We were eating falafel with Cleopatra something I didn't expect from a trip to Niagra. We traveled 4 short hours by car and met some pretty cool Canadians at the local bars. Paris Crepes we ate our fill but Doc McGillan's fed to ****.

It wasn't a physical trip around the world but a fun adventure to be unfurled. It's what I look forward to every year and just in case I am going to be crystal clear. I love going on an adventure with only you and spending all that time looking into your eyes so blue.
You and me, and Molly Malone
In Dublin city, so far from home
Looking over the Liffey
That's when it hit me
My love for you, had only grown

In Galway Bay, we couldn't stay
The loyalty, love, and friendship day
Rainbows at the Cliffs of Moher
The Blarney Stone we can't ignore
Waterford Crystal and...Cabernet

You and me, and Molly Malone
Is the memory, that I've carved in stone
Dancing in Dublin
You've got my heart bublin'
My love for you, had only grown

Guinness, whiskey, cider
I got sick on chowder
Hanging out with Wilde
Don't forget that child
Ten thousand years they're not

You and me, and Molly Malone
Here comes the time, for us to go home
Even though we're leavin'
We will leave here knowin'
My love for you, had only grown
(My love for you, had only grown)
In memory of my 2017 trip to Ireland!
Most of it is self explanatory. one memory was of me and my boyfriend looking at a famine statue. a local Irish dad and two of his sons were passing by, when the youngest son (~8) shout out "those statues have been here for ten thousand years" the older brother (11) playfully pushes and quickly correct his younger brother and informs us that "no they're not"

I suppose we stuck out as tourists!
Jan 2019 · 89
I see my eyes
Two dead blue ice crystals
I do not see
A warm fire within
I see
my heart, frozen by the hardships of my life
I do not see
A leader who is strong
I see
My courage, packaged away in a cardboard box
I do not see
Someone worth saving
I see me
I see me
Someone worth saving
I do not see
My courage, packaged away in a cardboard box
I see
A leader who is strong
I do not see
My heart, frozen from the hardships of my life
I see
A warm fire within
I do not see
Two dead blue ice crystals
I see my eyes
I saw one of these types of poems a while back and I really like the depth of emotion put into them. This is my first try!
Dec 2018 · 122
The Way You Look
Always a crystal blue or a deep navy
They took my heart by surprise
As you gaze into my eyes
And gently caress my hair, wavy

You reach into my chest and take my soul
You make me feel special, intelligent
Your lady, so fair and elegant
Only now do I know I was a fool

Even though I look past your many flaws
You can't help to catch me on semantics
And neglect you ever had a nack for the romantics
Now, I must watch with my heart covered in gauze

That sparkle in your eyes is still there
I see it when you talk to them
They are the new shiny gem
It is their hearts you wish to snare

Why won't you look at me the way you did before?
Instead of how you currently view me as a chore
Nov 2018 · 235
The Battle (haiku)
pain, labored breathing
cold tears streaming down my face
The Battle begins

fire fills my eyes
rage, it fills my heart and soul
my brain says to stop

hands turn into fists
swinging at my legs, bruises

my brain says to stop
do not treat yourself this way
attack at the source

"get up, punch the ground"
you can't hurt me anymore
when you cease to work

this is The Battle
a fight continues within
my brain is At War
Nov 2018 · 119
Bubble Tea
Butterflies fill my stomach, as you
Uplift my spirit by just thinking of you.
Beckoning me to stop ever time I drive
By your place of business.
Lazy liquid and tapioca pearls
Eagerly fill the hollows in my heart.

Temptation fills my
Anxiety leaves my body.
Nov 2018 · 226
Recipe For Diaster
Prep: 30 minutes, Bake: 30 minutes, Oven: 350°F, Cool: 2 hours, Makes: 12 servings

4 broken hearts
2 cups all-purpose anxiety
2 cups of sweetened depression
2 teaspoons of powdered anger
1 teaspoon of ground self-loathing (optional)
1/2 teaspoon of PTSD
3 cups of finely shredded isolation (lightly packed)
3/4 cup resentment oil
16 oz of your favorite frosting (suggested brand: self sabotage)
1/2 cup finely chopped self-harm
1 any shape life-pan

1. Allow broken hearts to stand at room temperature for 30 minutes. In a large mixing bowl stir together, anxiety, depression, anger, self-loathing, and PTSD.

2. In a medium mixing bowl combine broken hearts, resentment, and isolation. Add broken heart mixture to anxiety mixture; stir until combine. Pour batter into any shape life-pan.

3. Bake in oven at 350° for 30 - 35 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pan. Cool thoroughly on rack. (This is important so the self-sabotage, does not melt off)

4. Frost tops and side with self-sabotage. If desired, sprinkle with self-harm. Store result in a cool location for up to 3 days.
My brother (Courtlyn "lionheart"Quay) recently wrote a code style poem in his HePo account. It was really well done and as the holidays approach, I thought what an appropriate time for recipes. It is also inspired by my favorite carrot cake recipe.
Nov 2018 · 2.0k
Election Day 2018
Dear Science and Math,

I pray to you because you are what I believe in. Today is the midterm elections for 2018, and boy are we in a mess. Evolution, I would like to apologize that we have devolved as a society to allow our government to function as a really terrible sitcom. Economics and Statistics, I feel your heavy gaze as we still have 2 more years before we hopefully take the bankrupt millionaire out of office. Every day we live under a system whose poster child mocks its citizens and strips the majority of their rights. Their rights to Medical Care, a healthy and functioning Environment, and a Financial System which can support the majority, not just the top 1%.

Today I did my part. I practiced my right . . . no my privilege to vote. Too many people chose not to vote. I didn't vote for the last 6 year because I felt I was uneducated in the topic. I felt I was flying blind, something I could have taken 15 minutes to change. If I were a citizen of Georgia I would have lost this privilege, because of 5 years of voting inactivity. If I were of Hispanic descent I would most likely have had to jump through excessive hoops because of a hyphenated last name. There are so many people who don't want to vote because they fear jury duty, or they don't want to wait in line, or they don't want to make time to vote, or they are just plain convinced the system is rigged and their opinion doesn't matter. Let me tell you something, your ballot only "doesn't matter" if you don't hand one in. In fact, it is probably working against the team you would have voted for.

I am a woman, which mean only in the past 100 years was my second X chromosome "granted" this privilege. There are still grandparents alive today who remember when, specifically, black people could not vote. There are also plenty of other cases of this "right" being restricted from huge groups of people because of, in reality, what makes them unique.

So, I sit here today Science an Math, praying to you that my little corner of the United States may become a better place for ALL of its inhabitants.

Please let the scales tip in the favor of justice.
Oct 2018 · 676
Have you ever felt like no one appreciates you?
Do you feel all of the hard work you put in day to day has just been wasted?
Have you spent hours working on a project, when in the end your so called "friends" only laughed and mocked your efforts.
Buzzing around your kitchen or office trying to meet dead lines so someone might notice you. Not in the primal mating and relationship sense, but to be looked at for what you have done and be impressed, inspired, proud.

No one asked you to be a martyr.
Stop dragging yourself through the dirt, because in the end you will only be disappointed in yourself AND them.
And, covered in dirt.
The only person you need to make proud is YOURSELF. Do the things you enjoy. Look at what you have accomplished, and realize how great you are.

These people that make you feel bad about yourself are just natural objects floating through time and space. These people you call Mother, Father, Brunkle, Aunt, and "Friends" can't look past their own noses. Of course they say things like "I am proud of you" when it's easy. But when you want to do the slightest little thing they don't agree with, like buy a store bought cake, they will rip your guts out with their talons.

You are worthless.
You are nothing.
You will never amount to much.

It is okay to cut ties. To take a break and heal your mind, soul, and body from the poisons you have been spoon fed as a baby.

This life is short. Your life is short. Spend it doing what YOU truly, I mean truly, want to do. Do not spend it on these posionous peoples toxic demands.
"These things concern me," she says
When the words leave her mouth, she thinks she is helping
All I want is a friend to accept me for who I am
But in the end, all along I have to start over dwelling

I am who I am and I do have coping mechanisms
I share and tell you that certain things make me anxious
I have intense anger issues from an abusive past
Growing up the anger I have received was contagious

You want to discuss the trama, you say it will help
I'd rather not be retraumatized or have you pity me
Talking about the problem doesn't make them go away
I already spend my day's deep breathing and looking for life's beauty

I am tired of everyone trying to fix what is broken
The scar tissue that has regrown is stronger than the original flesh
Stop putting scotch tape on this fragile doll
What makes you different or your ideas fresh

Time and time, person after person, why can't you trust me
Why can you trust that I have learned to pick myself up when I fall
I know these feelings don't go away overnight or even a lifetime
But I don't act on them, even though I face an eternal brawl

I acknowledge my pain is real, I am only human
I collect myself and calm myself down, I take responsibility for my actions
I redirect the energy, I exercise, write poetry, and partake in many hobbies
I've learned to take that fire that burns me to light my passions

But. . .

Every once in a while I still fall down
human, I am human
I will ask for help when I need it
which makes me a strong woman

Am I asking for help?
No, because I know my limits
This is why I needed to take a break
I showed you who I was, no gimmicks

You rolled me up with the trash
The fakers that use excuses and don't actually try
If you thought I was a cry for help, you are nieve
because I've shed my tears and learned to fly
Aug 2018 · 104
Watching You Drown Kills Me
You question my devotion?
I am the person you have hurt the most--other than yourself of course
You have hurt me--physically and mentally
As a kid, I did not understand why I protected you
As an adult, I see that it is because I loved you
Person among person have tried to turn me against you
Even you
But I never caved, I am not caving, and I never will
so goes the cycle

Because Of Alcohol. . .
. . . I lost my mother
. . . I lost my father
. . . I lost my childhood
. . . I was abused
. . . I was *****

I do drink when I am home and around comfortable friends I trust
I don't drink . . . Because Of Alcohol

Because Of Alcohol
. . . I have anger issues
. . . I have trust issues
. . . I have relationship issues
. . . I see *** as a power play, not an act of love

I miss you
You are my favorite person . . . when you are sober
I know you will do anything and everything you can to protect me . . . when you are sober

You are an adult so you can make your own choice
When I was 11 I learned you will always choose alcohol over me
Something my baby brother wouldn't learn until he turned 18

I wish you would stop
I lay awake at night wondering if today you will wake up in the hospital
or if you will wake up at all
I wish you would stop

You are still so young
you can not do it by yourself
I wish you would stop
Stop the lies of, "well I'm drinking less"
"well I'm trying"
If you were trying you would be at AA right now
but you are not
you will never get your drinking "under control"
you need to stop
. . . for your daughter
. . . for your son
. . . for your future grandchildren
but first and foremost for yourself

Because You Are Worth It
Jun 2018 · 108
I feel myself sinking, deeper in deeper into myself.
The people around me have been floating away for a while now.
I watch them blame their problems on other nouns.
Me, I can't do that. I live in reality and I know my surroundings.
I want to say something to someone, but when they try to help. It doesn't.
They try to offer me nouns to blame my issues on, I don't take them.
They try to sympathize or empathize, taking the legitimacy out of my pain.
I try and claw my way out, but aging is like quicksand.
The more you move the faster you fall.

What have I learned?
I have learned to not truly share, or people will make it worse.
To keep to myself, because it is exhausting to reach out and be rejected.
Every time.
That as I work towards my aspirations, I have only obtained wrinkles and gray hair.

What will I do with myself?
Sadly, I have been blessed with true knowledge. That God is not real and any hope of an afterlife is the weak trying to comfort each other.
I will not bring others down with me.

But I can not stop from falling . . .
Apr 2018 · 239
The Game
Emotions, feelings, bursting at the seems.
No one to run to, to hear your screams.

I can't breathe, or focus, everything is a blur.
What has this world come to? Where is the cure?

It's easy to cope if you have faith in a God.
It's a slippery ***** when you know he's a fraud.

Everyday is an effort, being torn down and beaten.
Of course you may be sad when you grow up as a heathen.

Climbing out of the hole you were born into,
is a tremendous feat. Though it is more than you can chew.

The new people you see who grew up in the sun,
don't understand your kind of fun.

The culture shock is disheartening and strange.
It's no wonder to you why your filled with a hunger for rage.

But you're not alone, there's more who have made the climb.
Watching them conform to the sun the light of the lime.

You think the day is better than the night.
Until you realize it's a different kind of fight.

Now you have to learn new rules and follow them.
But the rules here are stupid, fake, a fallen gem.

You realize, "I came this far for nothing."
You pace the room back and forth huffing and puffing.

When do you win the game? If it all ends in death and life is an endless ladder, can you win? You make due for now, but no one really wins. We are all losers in every way. We will be forgotten. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a thousand years. Next time you look down on someone, realize you are on the same ride and don't hate them because you chose the harder path.
Jan 2018 · 176
Unstoppable is the Aires
Whose pride held high she carries
Don't anger the Ram
Just tell her, "yes ma'am"
Or end up as smashed berries

Stong as the bull is the Taurus
A heart that remains adventurous
His only downturn
He can be stubborn
Don't bring out his inner Chuck Noris

My brother is a Gemini
Whose limits bound past the sky
When you see the twin
As his true kingpin
Kiss your arguments good-bye

Cancer is a fancy crab
Hosting parties that are fab
Not part of their clique
You're just a fish stick
A friendship you have to grab

A lover is the Lion
Affection you can not buy in
wouldn't you know
I'm talkin' of Leo
A shorter mane he is tryin'

I've never liked a Virgo
I'm sorry if you're a Virgo
You claim you're the ******
I claim I'm a surgeon
I still don't like the Virgo

Libra represents the scales
Whose beauty and love prevails
In search of balance
Finds silence
When equality and justice fails

Handsome is the Scorpio
A heart as cold as icy snow
With a body, aesthetic
and a voice so magnetic
He'll flirt with any schmo

Sagittarius the Archer
Gives honesty by nature
Reckless arguments,
Preaching documents
Can leave you on the floor

Ambitions is the goat
Whose public image they will gloat
A strong Capricorn
Is never torn
For loyalty they tote

The Water Bearer Aquarius
Of her friends she is gregarious
Guarded and detached
Her heart can be unlatched
And I find her hilarious

Pisces is a mystery
Who lives a life of fantasy
Represented as a Fish
A face you cannot miss
With a long romantic history
Jan 2018 · 361
The first time a pigeon lands on your head you WILL have conflicting feelings. These consist of, "this is a magical experience" and "please don't **** on me".

But if you stay calm, interested, determined, and lucky you may build a beautiful relationship.

Mayhaps on the chance, you did get pooped on. A torturous smear on your shirt is a valuable resource to a 17th-century European farmer. It is up to you decide if you want to be that farmer.

And lastly, if two parties of the columbiform do agree to the terms and conditions, they can form a lasting relationship.

That is what I hope to have done with you, my pigeon.
Yours Truly,
Jan 2018 · 283
Loving you this year was an adventure.
Looking into your blue eyes, I am lost.
I can not wait for our future splendor,
So we celebrate this cycle of frost.

Snowboarding, rock climbing cannot compete.
Adrenaline I feel, you make me high.
My skin, it starts to pulse with my heartbeat.
I may seem strong, but you see though belie.

I have a long-standing fear: commitment,
This fear is strong and stands with loyalty.
Breaking these can cause me to turn flippant.
You have surpassed this issue royally.

I will never walk away, I trust you.
I will sit here and get lost, eyes so blue.
one year anniversary of my boyfriend
Jan 2018 · 309
Here is a story
About a girl and a boy
How perfect they are

Eyes meet from a far
Flutterbies rise from within
A connection made

Time spent, slowly gone
Savouring every minute
Knowing it will end

Here comes loves first kiss
Watch it again and again
That taste never gets old

Here is a story
Of a sweet and sour drink
This love runs deep, shrub
If you have never tried it, try it!
Jan 2018 · 254
Face to Face with Him
The first time I saw you ***** out the lights
You took the blood from a kitten with ten thousand bites
I was young and did not understand
I could take it, no need to hold a hand
Sadly, little did I know
That day I only saw your shadow

The second time I saw you, I was about ten
I could not prepare myself for you, not  then
Walking in your house, or rather your gateway
Quiet rooms filled with bodies painted gray
There you stood just around the corner
Keeping to yourself like an exotic foreigner

But when you took Libby from me
That is when I started to see
You were in the room with us
In fact, you were the one causing all the fuss
No one was fighting, Libby was old
Still, how could you take a woman so strong, so bold?

Here is where you crossed the line
When you took Her, you filthy swine
She had her flaws that's true
But not enough to stay with you
She was my savior, my salvation
There's not much left of someone after cremation

When my time comes to meet you in the ring
Fist to face I'll make it sting
If I could do one thing for all mankind
Killing You comes to mind
Jan 2018 · 356
You hurt each other all the time
You fight, ignore, plague each other in rhyme

The first one is the oldest
She is burdened to succeed
She's withers away as life takes it's toll
Once a limelit life filled with opus
Now swallows her with greed
The pole stains more than just her soul

The second one is the baby
She cries out for attention
Everything will never be enough
Success in life she found the key
Her struggles she'd not mention
Weak inside but her exterior, tough

You cause each other pain and jade
For both your sakes I hope this will fade
For my mother and aunt
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