There are horror stories lurking in the shadows of your eyes
That you try so desperately, to mask
To disguise
That you wrap up so carefully
In pretty little lies.

One thing you must realise
There's only so long you can hide
From the dark inside.

Let us find ourselves, lay ourselves bare, run our hands across our naked hearts and not flinch when we say,
here I am home.

Society has laid it’s ***** hands upon us
Let us not live with it’s fingers
Lodged down our throats..

We did not break down walls
But entire cities within me.

Thank you.

And when the sun sets in my eyes,
And the still breeze of my breath stops blowing,
When the dawn refuses to break,
And the light of my life stops glowing,
I pray to God
You remember me, for all i ever was.
Let the catastrophe of losing me,
not taint your memory.
Rest in the knowledge,
that now, i am free.

Fear not that you shall lose me
I have not gone,
I shall not leave.
I am the breath of fresh air
Every single time you breathe,
I am sitting right beside you
In the darkest hours that you grieve,
When you feel most alone,
I am there, you must believe.

When we were younger
We'd sit and play for hours
With dolls and beads and flowers
With toy cars and train tracks
And at the end of the day
We'd pack them away and put them all back.
We'd go down by the river
And laugh and shiver
And joke about growing old
Little did we know
What was about to unfold

As we grew older, the fires inside of us, began to smoulder,
The shoulders we'd come to rely on
Started to decay
As we made our way, into the world
Suddenly the dolls came to life
As our dreams of becoming a husband, a wife
Started to sour.
The beads formed nooses around our necks
As we began to lose our innocence
To drugs and ***.
The flowers shrivelled up and died
As we sat and cried our own rivers to drown in.
And those pretty little halos and silver tin crows
That used to iron out our frowns
S
   l
      i
        p
           p
             e
               d,
as we d i p p e d our toes into adulthood.
The toy cars crashed,
As we smashed head on, in a collision with reality.
And there was so need to plead
For the box with our train track toys
Because the little girls and boys inside us
Had died long ago.

And besides
We drew our own tracks up and down our wrists
And straight through our hearts.
As we began to realise
We were running out of
Fresh starts and new beginnings.

Raindrops dance on my shoulders
as the fires inside of me
begin to smoulder.

Distraction is an amazing thing.

I have never been so content at the prospect of drowning
Until I realised I was doing so in you.

The dress clung to me
As I stood
Lost
Staring, staring back at the stranger
The mirror offered a glimpse
Of me,
The messed up stranger smiled
With heartbreak resting on each drugged eyelid
Pain
Coagulating in each vein
Every vein.
The stranger tore her dress
My arm became cold, so cold.
My heart became frozen,
Broken,
This time beyond repair.

I press my lips against your forehead as you sleep and dream and once again I evade sleep for I cannot face the thought of it taking me away from these moments, the moments I capture tightly with both hands and cram into the moving photographs of my heart.
Your hot skin tangled up in mine feels as cold as steel compared to the forest fires that dart through our veins, erupting in each other's hearts.
Amongst the debris, the ash, the embers, lies the very foundation of who we are apart and the inferno we are together.
You pull my body into your arms ablaze I free fall deeper and deeper into you, into me, for we, are as one.
The honesty and irrefutable truth of what we share and who we are together, brings sanctuary that could never be corrupted, comfort that distance could never waiver and a security that shall withstand any obstacle and endure strongly, the sifting sands of time.
There is no fear, no others near, no place but right here
With you, in the moments that we share, the gentle pulling of our hair, the whispers on the phone,
Every day we spend and taste a little bit of heaven as we envelope  each other and stare eye to twinkling eye with the love of the Angels.
Blanketed by truth
Sheltered by honesty
Living both inside and out
Each day stronger in our love.
You have proven to me, there are no shame in my scars and that they are beautiful as they are
During the times I feel most broken
You see beauty
I see myself with the same eyes
But you and the love you give
Makes me realise there is more to me
Than I've ever given myself credit for
You breath life straight through my soul and into the depths of me
I trust in you, in us
And every look we exchange, kiss we share, each conversation, measure of silence, each adventure and every magical moment that is in between,
Only makes me believe in us, in you, more.
You raise me high, give me wings to fly
And me,
I promise i will give you all the love you need and more, so you soar,
So high you taste the stars fizzing on your tongue.

I love you.

Lesson one: give your heart to someone who gives theirs back. And hell she'll give you her heart on her sleeve, with a magic that allows you to conceive, real love, the kind that others dream of, the kind you look above and wish upon a star for, everything you wanted, she'll give you more.
Lesson two: find eyes that embody a maze that you could get lost in for days. And as you gaze at each other, you are no longer dazed by anxieties and caution signs because she reads through the lines and untangles and unwinds knots others have left behind.
Lesson three: lust is not love but when you find both, grab them tight. Because for the first time in your life you'll feel as though you got something right and as you see her in sight and she sets you alight with just one look, take note of the tattered heart she willingly took, the time she gave up to read into and not judge by the cover of your book.
Lesson four: always hold the door but never hold back. Hold the door for opportunity and unity in a way you could never construe existed, because within moments she'll have your eyes misted, your vision twisted, into the future, you see yourselves sharing, and those walls that she's tearing down will form new foundations for you to find your own ground.
Lesson five: tell her everyday how beautiful you think she is. Because with every day that passes, through each lens of her glasses she'll develop a tainted view and this time it's up to you to offer her your eyes, to help her see and realise, her beauty inside. Inside the body you adore, the woman you'd do anything for.
Lesson six: love is meant to last. So run her a bath, fill up her glass, do the dishes, commend her wishes, lay her fears to rest as she curls into your chest, calm the wars in her mind, undo and unwind with the love that you find in a fountain overflowing with her name, show her your game, not now but for forever, that whatever the weather, you will be there, show her you care and if you tried you couldn't care any more, tell her every day what you're grateful for.
Lesson seven: draw a line under the faults your find for she is only human too, let her know you love her through and through.
Lesson eight: show her. Kiss her, hold her, brush your fingers through her hair and stare into her eyes, as they sparkle and shine as the milk and honey on her lips and yours become entwined. For her make time, all the time in the world, because only once, will you find this girl, this lady, the one that you'll say, made you into the person you always wanted to be, who gave you eyes to see, only once will you find this lady, who will set you free, allow you to be all that you can be, and you shall do the same for her too, only once do you find the other half of you.

There's a noose around your neck,
where you've hung your expectations
Too high.

Faith has a pulse that never stops beating

And those pretty little firefly's
that used to illuminate
the sockets of your eyes
must have been soaked up by your crys
must have fizzled out and died,
inside of you.
Because there's no longer
that burning light
that used to ignite a room
And put the stars to shame.
And since they died out,
you haven't been the same.

And honey, i can try to ignite them again,
With all i have,
But I've done all i can do
darling the match lies in you.

Those pretty little firefly's
that used to illuminate
the sockets of your eyes
must have been soaked up by your crys
must have fizzled out and died,
inside of you.
Because there's no longer
that burning light
that used to ignite a room
And put the stars to shame.
And since they died out,
you haven't been the same.

And honey, i can try to ignite them again,
With all i have,
But I've done all i can do
darling the match lies in you.

With you there was no falling in love
There was flying
Realising
I'd found everything i'd ever wanted
And more
A love so pure
Above mountains and into
The clouds I soar.

And when you feel like you're falling
listen for my voice
I promise I'll be never be far
Calling you home
Summoning you back to reality
I'll be your gravity
You will never walk alone.

All it took
Was one glance
One look
And in an instance
I knew
Everything I'd ever wanted and needed
Everything that was true
Lay securely inside
The woman
That is you.

Sometimes I feel as though
I'm losing you,
As though you're slipping straight through my fingertips
And out of my grasp
That those moments that I cherished
Were here and gone all too fast

And yet each time I open my eyes
I realise,
You were never mine to lose
And these battles that I face and chose
And the ease you have to confuse
Comes with the price
Of having to sacrifice
Reality and my sanity
For a fantasy that never was
And never will be.
Your lies are an ocean
Washing over me
Drowning me at sea
And the hardest part?
I know I shall never be free.

Our bodies aligned
Our legs entwined
Your hand in mine
A jigsaw puzzle,
Perfectly placed.

A haze, as I gaze into your eyes
Kisses, cuddles and laughter
We're not asking for a happily ever after
We seize the moment,
We seize the day
Holding each other, together we lay
Under your duvet
You say I'm amazing
Tho I think I'm nothing great
I appreciate your words
I say you're beautiful and
Tho you don't believe
You allow me to conceive
A compliment dressed in
Tight green ribbons
Your favourite colour.

We climb the stairs to your room
Interrupting stares between us
Exchanged glances
Our romance is, unexplainable

I fall into you,
You catch me,
We're both free falling
Others are calling,
Tho you're all I want to hear
You're all I want near.

Time always goes
too fast
when I'm with you, and
Too slow
When I'm not, in your presence.

Your heart on my sleeve,
My heart on yours,
Together we open the doors
To each others soul
Fear holds us back at times
Tho we talk, remind, reassure
That's what we're here for.

I lay my head upon your chest,
I can hear your heart racing,
My minds chasing, tho the pacing
Becomes slower.
As you pull me in tighter
I'm not usually a fighter
But this is worth fighting for.

The ground shakes,
The earth quakes
As I realise, how positively
lucky I am.
To be able to call something
So beautiful, inside and out
Mine.

People often tell me I'm a Daddy's girl
And whenever I try to explain why
I get lost for words,
When I begin to even try,

It's the tight grasp of your
Reassuring hand,
It's the freedom of
Never living in demand.
It's the way you hold me
Every time I cry,
The way that you know
Without even asking why.
It's your warming
And contagious laughter,
It's because with you I know no matter what happens
You'll be waiting after,
With a listening ear,
It's the fact that you're so sincere.
It's the way you take my fears
And brush them away,
It's the promise of being there
That you've kept til this day.
It's the years, you've fought by my side,
It's the way you look at me
With such pride.
It's the fact that you're not perfect
Nor are you trying to be,
It's the devotion and
The belief you have for me.
Its your unfaltering and calming
Presence
It's the when I'm searching for
An essence of hope
You shower me in it,
It's the way in which we sit
In silence for hours on end
Not only are you my father,
But my only real best friend.
It's the fact that on you,
I know I can depend.
It's the me I see in you and the
You I see in me.
It's the fact that no matter how lost
I am
You always guide me home,
It's because with you
I know I shall never walk alone,
It's because every memory we've shared,
The meals you've so thoughtfully cooked and prepared,
Have been done with so much love
It's because when I feel like I'm drowning
You lift me up above
The water.
It's the fact that I'm your daughter.
It's the glint in your eye,
And the compassion in your voice,
It's because with you,
I know you'll respect my choices.


It's the waterfights, the trampolining, the shopping trips, the dreaming.
It's the pool, and the Xbox too,
It's the way without you, I have no idea what i'd do..
It's the walks, the talks, the games,
The frames of photographs,
It's the serious late night talks,
The happy and memorable laughs,
It's the hospital trips, the dunked biscuits,the broken arm,
it's the way in which you disable the ringing of alarms inside my skull.

When people ask why I'm a daddy's girl,
It's all these things, and so much more.
It's because what ever I ask for,
You tell me that's what daddy's are for.
It's the way you aid me to open doors
To the present
Despite my fears
It's the way you've never faltered
Throughout the years.

You are my logic
At times when I stumble
You are my foundations
At times when I crumble apart.
It's love you give me,
From the bottom of your heart.
It's the hundred new beginnings and fresh starts
The thousand chances,
The cheesy dances.

Its because when I burn around
My edges and sometimes my very core
You shower me with your love
And when it rains, it pours.

Dad, there are a million reasons,
Why you're my king,
And that you will remain,
Strong and shining.
So when people ask why I'm a daddy's girl
Ill keep it short and sweet
But never forget, never regret,
You're the number one dad to defeat.

This was not love making.
This was sin
and the devil victoriously
danced between the sheets.

I am working on freedom
But it's a work in progress
As much as I try and convince myself
I know I'm not ready. Not just yet.

To take responsibility,
For my safety and health,
To pick up a fork and keep down its wealth.
To prepare myself a meal
To allow myself to heal.
To put down a razor and use a different technique
Maybe one day,
But at present I am weak.
To walk innocently
Not compulsively.
To tackle negative thoughts in a productive fashion
One day will be the case
When I have the compassion.
To love myself like I do you,
Will take a long time to do.
To allow myself to make,
An error, a mistake
Without having to dance with my self defeating thoughts
I'm not quite out of those courts.

I am working on freedom
But it's a work in progress.
One day ill be ready. Just not yet.

Let’s write a poem
For the fun of it
Rhyme, combine, design
Thoughts, phrases, words
Stanzas absurd.

Let’s use alliteration
1st, 2nd, 3rd person narration
Let us not forget
Capital letters, commas and full stops
To crop,
Our faults.

Let’s write about love, loss and heartache,
Let’s make mistakes
Relationships, politics,
Let’s get lost, in this;
Wonderful world of ink and paper.

Let’s dangle emotions
Delicately of straight
Lines, text, worth
Thousands of pounds
To someone.

Let’s dribble prose across the page
Lead rhyme
Into an organised,
Coherent line

Hold hands with demands
Laced, not closed,
Of errors dispose.

Let’s write a poem
For the fun of it
Watch it age, as the pages, discolour.
But remain as beautiful, if not more so
Than it were, when first composed.

The pain of yesterday is still trapped in the space between us, ajar in the door, that neither of us have the courage to close.

I awake in the morning
Her head on my chest
Her scent clings tightly to my vest
And I wish her the best for the day ahead.
Whilst we lay in bed
As she leaves towards the door
I playingly  plead for a kiss,  just one more
The sheets part between us
Two women from Venus.
Her smile shoots through my veins
As I lay in the remains
Of the love and laughter we'd just shared
Tranquil and watch her exit
Our house, our home
I pick up my phone
And tell her
Just how much I love her.
Just once more.

2013 ©

And there are still footprints
On my heart,
And tear drops,
On my cheeks,
And as the days slowly pass by,
And sift into weeks,
I am greeted with,
Bitter sweet
Memories pressed against me,
Like your pastel pink lips,
Swaying in and out of my mind,
Like your perfect little hips.
They're wrapped and entwined in my mind,
The way your arms, used to wrap around mine.
And there's a fine line,
Between allowing heart ache to
Make or break you,
And Im worried sick,
It'll do the latter of the two.

Emptiness
Tucked inside
The gaping holes of
your shattered
Rib cage,
Where your heart used to lay.
And you find yourself
Cramming
Each broken piece of you
Into their old tshirt
In the hope that it can hold
You together.

I refuse to spill my heart over any more pages for you.

How do I heal if I break every time I feel?

Sometimes we allow people to build homes in our hearts and sometimes, for one reason or another, we cannot build them in theirs, no matter how hard we try.

I learnt the hard way.

One day you'll find someone who makes all those broken pieces of your heart feel like the most beautiful jigsaw in the world, who cherishes your cracks and fills them with gold dust.

She wasn't wrong when she said you deserved better.

Every morning I wake up,
I lose you all over again.

How many times do I have to let you go?

The more I try to forget, the more I remember.

Nothing will ever take away the feeling of your heart in my hands.

It is not your fault that he could not recognise the entire cities you set on fire every time you spoke his name.

Its harder to get lost in a desert than in her eyes.

Her lips, her eyes, her her hips, her thighs, the beauty she holds within, the touch of her skin
more addictive than ******.

Home isn't man made walls,
It is
Two beautiful eyes
Gazing into mine
Across the room
The soft touch of your lips
As we silently kiss
At four in the morning
And drift back to sleep
Tangled up
In one another.
It is your fingers laced
Through mine
As the promise of forever
Lies peacefully
In our clasped palms.
Our loving arms.

Home is
The gentle beat
Of your heart.

Her heart
Was the most beautiful place
The only place
I would ever call home.

How captivating it is
To watch the sun who was told she must love the sky, to defy, because despite the questions why, she knows it feels right, so she kisses with all her might, with all in sight, the earth every single night.

How captivating it is
To watch the sun who was told she must love the sky, to fearlessly defy,
To fall to her knees,
Ignoring others pleas and
With all in sight
Kiss the earth goodnight.

I swear glitter must run through her veins because every inch of her sparkles.

When we make love,
her tongue recites
and brings to life
the sweetest of poetry
between my thighs,
just below my hips,
stumbling beautifully
from her cherry red lips.

I carefully stitched your name
embroidered each memory,
each beautiful piece of art
into the delicate walls
of my beating heart.
I put aside the threat of pain,
the tearing apart,
the risk of scars that would remain,
in the hope that I would never
have to
unpick, unfasten,
you, again.

How I was wrong.
And the unstitching never gets easier
and the short sharp scratch
Each time, you work your way back
Hurts just as much as the last.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.

To put pen to paper,
and bring to life, Past and Pain,
to scribble out
and exchange,
Words for Scars.
Reality and Truth.
To risk my foundations shaking,
my earth, Quaking.
and leaving me roofless
seems Ruthless.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.

To put pen to paper,
and bring to life, Past and Pain,
to scribble out
and exchange,
Words for Scars.
Reality and Truth.
To risk my foundations shaking,
my earth, Quaking.
and leaving me roofless
seems Ruthless.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.

If i could,
I would,
Carefully take you apart,
And put you back together,
Piece, by fragile piece,
And i would not cease,
Until the job was done.
Until the sun once again, shone from those lost, wondering eyes,
Until the cries that had chained you down,
Had been removed from the ground.

And if i could, i would,
Take my tools
And attentively drill out
Your insecurities,
All those flaws, you believe to be
Impurities
And ***** in self acceptance so tight,
So that never again at night,
Would you be reluctant, to hold yourself,
As you sparkle in the moonlight.

And if i could, i would,
Clamp together,
Your hopes and dreams,
Your self belief,
And tie them together at the seams
With double knots,
So that you never forgot, how
Capable you are.

I'd take each glittering star,
and plant them in the pupils of your eyes,
So that each time you cry
You'd be reminded of the beauty inside,
Of you.

And if i could, i would,
Paint over your frame work,
And tentatively cover up those scars,
So you'd never again see the hurt,
And never doubt
Just how perfectly imperfect you are.

And if i could, i would,
Saw away your sorrows
So when you thought of your tomorrows,
You weren't filled with dread,
You were filled with joy and hope
And optimism instead,
So that before you went to bed,
You were not filled with self defeating thoughts,
Ruminating inside, that pretty little head.

And if i could, i would,
Weld securely into place,
A genuinely happy smile,
Across your dainty face,
And a hand in yours,
So you'd never have to brace
Anything alone.

And if i could, i would,
Disassemble your malfunctioning thought processes
And rewire them back together again,
With a spanner, in the manner,
That meant you were not
Classed as insane.
I'd unfold and rearrange,
The chemical imbalances
Within your brain
So that the years of disdain,
And self blame,
Where a thing of the past,
I'd put you back together,
In a way, that showed you,
You were meant to last.

And if i could, i would,
Attach wings to your spine,
So there'd never be a time,
That you'd stumble and fall
You'd stand tall,
You'd rise above it all.

And if i could, i would,
Take the lonely shadows of your heart,
Rip them apart
And blaze them,
In a light so bright
It'd never die out,
You would never again doubt
All that you are,
And all that you can be.
And if i could, i would,
I'd set you free.

Silence presents our eyes with the opportunity to communicate in those fleeting moments that words fail us.