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Lost Jul 2015
Have you ever had a love so wrong that its not?
What about a friend, so ugly that they're hot?
I won't deny it,
I don't feel this way a lot.
Maybe I'll make an exception...

I hate you're far away, but I don't wish you were here.
I want to hear your voice, but don't whisper in my ear.
I swore I wouldn't drink, but god I need a beer.
I think I'll make an exception...

Wish I was on your mind, but please don't think of me.
Want you around all the time, but please just leave me be.
My heart's been welded shut, but girl you have the key.
You might be my exception...
Be my exception
Lost Jul 2015
I can't sleep,
But you sure can,
Already told me that:
It helps to know I'm breaking.

Feel so right,
But you know I'm wrong.
Each day reminding me,
I was unwanted all along.

Calm demeanour,
Boiling underneath.
Holding back my emotions,
Through my clenched teeth.

You want to know me?
You want feelings?
You want to be let in?
How about you hear my screaming!?

You want honesty?
You're dreaming.
You know the real me.
*And he's not worth believing.
Sometimes it's not worth seeking the truth.
Lost Jul 2015
"Are you Okay?"
I'm not even sad.
"So what are you?"
God, I make myself mad.

Yeah, that's what I am,
I'm angry, *"At what?"

Shut up! If I knew…
"Lots would change. Not."

Maybe that's what I need.
"A change, that'll work."
Exactly, and if I'm lucky,
It'll wipe off your smirk.

"I'm not laughing."
Not at me, with me, correct?
"Well not exactly."
You understand that you're in my head?

That's it. It's all in my head.
"Except the scars on each inch of your skin."
That's different, I had to feel…
"Feel what? To what end?"

Feel SOMETHING! Anything…
"Anything at all?"
Yes. "And what if you don't?"
Upon the floor I will crawl.

Crawl into a hole.
"A hole in the ground?"
And have it filled up with dirt,
Never to be found.

"You're giving up."
I'm living all wrong.
"You're pathetic."
**So they've been right all along.
When the voice of reason is rather sarcastic.
Lost Jul 2015
Suicide,
Last in life,
Cannot find,
My own meaning.

Wish I knew,
What to do,
Cos I'm drowning.

I call her up,
Won't give up,
I know she's listening.

I left her a message,
On her machine.
I said I miss you,
Please save me.

I have these *awful
thoughts,
In my head.
I'm the monster under my bed.

My own head is a trap,
And I know,
*She'd kick my *** if I thought about that.
She'd kick it good.
Lost Jul 2015
How do I go on?
When you've left me here.
Which way is back to normality?

Tell me now,
How do I go on?
When you've closed your ears,
And shut me out.

I find myself falling,
Through the cracks in my skin.
I fumble forwards,
And fall back on nothing.

Which way do I go?
Swing me to and fro,
Between life and death,

Show me the signs,
Show me the paths,
I have run from God's plans.

And so I fall into the earth,
I walk blindly through the hurt,
And I drown in myself.

I see you standing,
You hopeless soul.
I draw connections,
And I myself are drawn.

And so I fall, fall to my knees,
Just like a dog,
I only wish that I could please.

With your ways,
You baffle me.
If only you could see what I see.

You pull the blade across your skin,
I cry myself to sleep.
Will I ever see you again?
I wish you knew you were my **ever-y-thing.
If you left, I don't know if I could cope. You're important.
Lost Jul 2015
I feel like I'm five years old again.
Trusting the world like everyone's a ******* saint.
But I can't help it,
If I shut it all out, I would push them away again.
I am no romantic, but they have my heartstrings,
And they're playing them like we've never seen better days.

I wish I knew what to say.
My life's out of control,
I'm a heartfelt mess.
All this gushy *******'s gone to my head.

But I don't see a way out ,
My eyes are closed
I want to be left in the dark,
With only you to hold.

Even as I scrawl this ****,
I don't know what I'm saying.
All I know is that you're to blame,
But it's no one's fault,
This isn't a problem.

I haven't felt this way since the beginning of time,
And I'm finding that I finally give two ***** about life.

I won't give up,
Not on you,
Not on me.
Not on these crazy ******* feelings that I can't believe.

Because I want to feel this,
It feels like hope,
And maybe, JUST maybe,
*My life isn't a joke.
To Those Who Felt Nothing Before, But Feel Something Now.
Lost Jul 2015
Doing what I do best, while I ball my eyes out.
I'm seeing blurred lines for real this time.
And as I grabbed a blade, I just couldn't cut.
So I balled a fist, and just couldn't hit.
I found a rope, tied it up like girl scouts,
And you know what they say:
IF THE NOOSE ******* FITS.

A million times I've wondered,
What writing a suicide note feels like.
And maybe this is it,
Because as I scrawl these words,
I feel my still beating heart
DYING IN MY CHEST.

Imagine your greatest love,
Now stand it on a stool,
Give it a piece of paper, a pen, and a piece of rope.
Now tell it you love it, so much it ******* HURTS,
And then watch it write it loves you too,
And jump off the stool FEET FIRST.

But the rope breaks,
Now you're crying, screaming at the sky,
YOU SAID I HAD A PURPOSE,
WAS IT ALL A ******* LIE?!

Is this what you wanted for your grand ******* PLAN?
Now I'm a crazy *******, talkin' to the man upstairs.
While he sits and he watched me crumble inside-out,
If you wanted me broken then you've done it,
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

No.
I'm not done, I lean right back into it, because while you may be happy,
I'M IN ******* RUINS.

I can't settle for no, it isn't my vocabulary, and so I write:
Dear Dear Diary,
I've been beaten and bruised,
Choked and abused,
But what is this sickening, tightening feeling...

I'll take a slit throat over slit dreams anyway,
A stab in the brain before a stab in the heart,
So go ahead, punch me, hurt me, cut me, **** me.
But don't take away what keeps me **BREATHING
Yeah, I'm upset.
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