Dear diary;
I'm so tired.
I am so tired of wasting energy
on those who so not reciprocate.
I am so tired of proving a point
to those who do not listen.
I am so tired of forgiving the same person
over and over again.
I am so tired of putting on a happy face
when that is not the case.
I am so tired of staying silent
for my mental health.
I am so tired.

there’s
something
comforting
about
the
vacancy
in
­my
heart

there was an arrow that shot into my rib cage years ago
i haven’t been strong enough to pull it out
the poisoned tip sunk deep beneath the alleyways of muscles
until it latched it’s teeth onto my bones
the street lamps burned out two years ago
i haven’t found the strength to replace the bulbs within
the street signs all point to “Hell”
my brain hasn’t stopped feeling like a night sky
a soulless vast nothingness
my heart feels like a bucket of water kicked over
nothing in me will let me replace it
what do you do when the map inside you has been painted over with black spray paint?
the graffitied walls of your being cant be recognized anymore
a whole ghost town of whispers and no where to turn
where do you go when the compass inside you has broken?
you etched a new map into the dirt but the wind blew it away
what do you do when the whole world is against you?
maybe being lost is the new way of living
feeling nothing
barely breathing
what do you do when you don’t want to fight anymore?
how do you escape the deep downpour?
blocked off streets and no detours
stuck in the middle of endings
where to turn to?
sit and watch the sky darken to pitch black
phantoms sitting hand in hand
staring into you like they’ve got something to prove
or choose the ending
choose the unfathomable
choose to leave
what do you do when you’re too scared to choose?
dark alleyways and nothing to lose
broken windows and a little bit of smoke
what do you do when it all feels like too much?
what do you do when you can’t get it to end?
what do you when you can’t stop the voices in your head?
what do you do when the words all blend?
and what do you do when you can’t leave your bed?