Whenever you feel like giving up,
Stop what you're doing and think.
Think carefully and look for a reason.
A reason to move forward
To keep on going

It's not the end
If you look hard enough,
You'll find the reason and will to stay.
Even if it's for a short while,
It's still a reason

The infection is returning,
seeping into my blood—
soon I will be a creature
of shadows and tears.

who is that
staring at me

she is so ugly
he is too fat
not even all that smart

I can hear the words,
"you aren't worthy"
"you aren't sorry"
"keep the blood coming"
and worse

nothing is a surprise anymore
nothing wants to be seen

it should have shattered
it should have broke
seeing so much pain
it leaves me in pieces

You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.

Back in my teenage college years
I was told about “Autistic kids”
Who lived in worlds of their own,
Seeing things through weird and wonderful specs
In social isolation,
Frightening in its completeness.

At sixty six I since have learned about many
Of their “traits”:
Their obsessions, inflexible routines and
Panic
At all change.
Their inability to read
Emotions or social cues
Or innuendos
Or irony.

I have worked with those with Aspergers,
Colleagues, friends and clients –
Indeed with people all over
The Autistic Spectrum.

And the main thing I have learned
In all these years
Is that in my own way…
I am one of them.

Paul Butters

© PB 1\10\2018.

and as he stood before me
I asked him for his name
“Faith,”
he said
smiling
and I laughed
“Faith,”
I said
as he saw my empty eyes
“I have lost a long time ago.”

I dream of our
skins intertwined
Adorned with the
Sparkling stardust
Of forevers
But dreaming cannot
Change the reality
That we've become
Ghosts of who we once
Were to each other
Our silhouettes
Now dusted
In the dirt of
Unsaid goodbyes
And never evers

To those i used to talk to
Thank you for being a part of my life
For leaving me
Mistreating me
Hurting me
And making me cry.
It made me realise where i stand in your life.
And how much i deserve to be happy
To do me.
And not you.
Thank you for leaving