He's so possessive
He turns aggressive.
Fire burns his passion
And his intentions impure.

Being over protective
Is not impressive.
Locked in a prison
Is what it's like.

Abusive,
Bruises,
Secluded,
Excuses.

Love has become an illusion.
A mystery is the conclusion.
Fear has polluted your body.
Cleaning yourself up has become your new hobby.

There is a difference between holding your breath
And not breathing at all
One takes a lot more effort
One is the product of carrying too much
The other of carrying nothing at all

When I walk into a crowded room
I will hold my breath until my lungs find a reason to relax
My face will flush and I will eye the exits
And I will imagine any possible scenario that would allow me to leave
Which is to say,
I’d rather be in danger than be here

I’d rather be in a secluded single bed hospital room
Than brushing shoulders with conversations that don’t concern me
Smiling uncomfortably to an offensive joke because
You don’t know me enough to know the fire in my bones
That I could ignite and burn you to the ground.

You also don’t know how I wish I could extinguish that
How I burn down everything I touch
How I wish my embers would die down
Lacking oxygen might not be the worst thing

No, being alone in a crowded room wouldn’t either
Saying unironically that I stand alone in a crowded room
As if it has never been said before- might just be
Or maybe my sparks are burning this poem up too
Ruining its changes

You gotta understand,
The thing about fire is
It is a beautiful beast
A chaotic dancer who knows both sides of
Everything beautiful and everything not


In my eyes fire eats its beauty
It eats the life from inside out as it spits remnants of relics
Too tough to melt
So when we are in the flames
Like our salem sisters we think
How can something
so grand
So intriguing
So important
Be burnt down by a people so ignorant
Only to reveal what is truly important
How could you not see that as a compliment

How can you not see that we are all the flames
And that we are all also being eaten by them
As we consume everything around us in turn
And that maybe we just need to catch our breath.

You'd grip
my thighs with your fist
and your words

and you'd tell me
I wouldn't be
me
without you.

I listened
as you reminded me
that I was nothing
but your girl.

And you'd promise me
that you would
save me.

You owned my body
my heart
my future
and my mind.

But today I hope
you curl your fist
and choke on your old words
because now I am
Everything
Without you.

You saw me naked.
Not without clothes, but without my wall.
The 10 foot, steel reinforced, wall around my heart.
You broke in, brick by brick.
And I let you, I let you see me vulnerable.
Forgetting what others had done to me when they saw me the same.
I wish I could say you were different.
But, you saw me naked.
And you laughed, pointed out my insecurities, and broke me so much that I rebuilt my wall.
I rebuilt it higher and stronger than before.
Protecting my heart from so called love.
You also saw me without clothes.
Burned your touch into my skin.
Whispered sweet nothings into my ear, and that's just what they meant.
Nothing.
I can't look at my body without thinking about you.
Because, you saw me naked.
Defenseless and with open arms.
I shouldn't have trusted you.
But I did anyway.
I thought that since you had a wall to we would be amazing together.
But.
I never saw you naked.

A Dagger In My Back

I  kept pulling the dagger from my back
I was deceived, I was a fool
You apologised and pleaded,
Although my wounds became a growing crisscrossed pattern


You promised me that you wouldn’t pull the shutters over my eyes
You promised me you wouldn’t hug and hurt,
Wouldn’t smile but still continue to weave a fine tapestry of lies.

You shook hands with a gun behind your back.
I just blindedly smiled as the blood seeped from my veins.

But I opened the curtains, dismantled the shutters.
I realised you were the one which caused me the doubt and constant pain.
I realised that you were the dagger in my back.

The thoughts are present
  Of yesterday
The happiness we had
  In such a way
Then night came to bring
  A new day
It was then that the trust
  Slipped away