This is the last ******* time
I rent you space in my head
I've written about you so much
When I'm done I'm like.... Again

This dudes annoying me, get over
It, she's a *****, what can you do
I never asked for child support all
I wanted was our son to know u

But maybe it's better he doesn't
But it breaks my heart that aches
When his preschool made crafts
On ur dead beat Mother's Day

And he had to make one for nana
And asked me where u were
And now I finally get why some parents say, the dead beat ****

That isn't around had died
Cause I rather that than the other,
Which is tell our beautiful son that
The truth,narcissists can't be mothers

So *******, and this will be the
Very last ****** time
I waste a thought , or a tear drop
On your heartless ***, but I

Still hold pity for you!... Why?
Because I know what you don't
That regret can evolve when u let
Important things left, so I hope

I can hold in the joy, when the day
Comes and your blind *** sees
That our child, your flesh and blood
Has a value, your drugs can reach

A life you made, that you trade
So you can run away but one day
All the pain you left me with will
Find you ***** and it'll eat away

At whatever's left of your soul
Whatever's left of your neurotic
Selfish, ****** up, drugged up heart so black, I reverse oscars, and boycott it

So when psychosomatic Psychotic
Psychosis sets in
And you feel sorry for yourself and
All the time you wasted with him

I will tell him. To make sure he takes
What time is left with u and not
Say what I want to which is, let her
Live knowing, the cost of what's lost

Is being a deadbeat. But sought
Will be knowing if I did
That would encourage the son I love
To lose out so I sacrifice for my kid

Something u know nothing about
And probably never will
But 4 years have gone by so fast
Soon the futures the past and filled

Will be your blinded eyes
Full of consequence disguised
As poor u, self pity, ****** cries
Just like the cries our son cried

As I learn to handle a four month
Old baby boy, but hey .. I did
And you'll never know why sacrifice
And a selfless life fills the void which

We use to try and fill with ****,
Parties drugs raves all the ****
That lead us deeper into the darkness
We thought we escaped and hid

10 years of living for only us
Temptation, inebriation lust
Feeling numb cause sobriety
Brings anxiety in society full of

People who grew the **** up
Responsibility. Purpose stability
The knowledge that pretentious
Isn't being clean, so tranquility

Is real when it's felt rather than
The induced, bile filled puke
That's only half as vile as you
And if you ever see me smile *** u

Is what's meant, as I see now
Why we had to part ways it's sad
You were scared to grow up and that
Will catch up with you but a dad

Was just a scary . Trust me I was
Terrified.. Emasculated embarrassed
The years we spent that i cherished
We're all spent high so apparent

is how sobering up left transparent
Facts that say I didn't know
Who I really was, expect for the one
I was when sedated and I know

Now that there's a difference
In the way your emotions process
And now I maybe who we said we'd never be, cubical Steve at the office

9-5 and ya I get it, got it,
I'm exactly what u hate I know
But one day everything u aren't is
What you will be, but *** this poem

**** the nostalgia the reminiscing
See..... I always end up lost
Cause admittingly I can't get over it
When your eyes stare at me off

The face of our son, the ****** expressions the stubborn head its
All you that I see sitting across of me
And thank u for him, so like u left

Us, I will attempt to leave u
Abandoned in this coffin poem
And hope it doesn't follow me back
Like a horror movie villain to a home

I built without u, stop thinking bout u
It's easier to say
Than it is to do, so with a *** u
I mask the pain the scars gave

To remind me what's behind me
So on the day regrets blinding
This pain will be yours cause karmas
Tour can move slowly but finding

Who it's meant to, means it'll get u
So goodbye dead beat goodbye
I hope u drown in the tears u cry
When u see what u trade to be high

I feel like all my time is wasted;
But I can't make my feelings turn to hatred.
For some reason I really want you by my side,
I can feel a change of tide.
There's something stirring in the wind;
Please, I'm scared, don't let it in.

The warm night breeze upon my face;
Don't lie to me, there is a better place.
Some place peaceful, free of sin;
A place where we will meet again.
Close your eyes and try to breathe;
It is as beautiful as the sea.

But first to know the truth within;
Look inside, don't give in.
Know yourself, then know me;
Then it will be new and shiny.
I won't let your feelings of me get in my way;
I will always dream of a better day.
A day when we are close at last;
A day when all of this is in the past.

And if this day will never pass;
I'll always dream my dreams.
Full of fields with the softest grass;
A ray of sunshine that forever gleams.
Yes, I will always have my dreams.

Like a song within my soul,
The view just gets really old.
And though sometimes I'll never truly see,
What happens next to me.
The walls sometimes close in,
And with the song I play again.
With every line the feelings hurt,
There's not a moment sometimes I feel like I've lost my worth.
So play sweet melody,
Bring back those gone memories.
I don't care in which way they return,
It's my heart that yearns.
And I try, oh yes I try,
But it keeps coming back.
Yes it keeps coming back,
No longer are the days simple without keeping track.
So play on old soul melody,
Let every harmony and pitch rise.
Flowing indiscriminately,
My eyes and ears will keep aim on the rise.
For me here and now,
There are no goodbyes.

I want back what I have lost.
To be whole once more,
To find the piece that fits.
I can't feel much;
But what I can,
Is just enough
To get up again.
The hope that tomorrow,
I'll find someone new,
To help me place the pieces;
To show me love again

She was so lost and unsure, so broken, unpure.

Homeless bones in her body, a starving and aching soul

Her eyes so hollow from so much pride and pain forced to swallow

And a smile that just never fit, like an unhappy church wife quietly sitting at the dinner table, regretting everything

Her soul constantly searching through oceans, woods, and mountains

Looking for something, anything to find herself within. A butterfly caught in a jar, a wolf stuck in a cage. So utterly broken in so many ways.

Her spirit crushed but never truly destroyed, her crown bent but never broken. As she continued her search for her home, she knew she'd fine some way. Some peace, some of herself.

All alone.