Do you ever stop and think
to admire the beauty of nature
Plants mimic the brightest colours,
their leaves perfectly positioned
They mirror shapes and movements,
dance under dappled sunlight

she is the kind of pretty that hurts,
sunbeams linger in her presence
just to touch her skin for longer.  
as do i.

Sixth grade was the first time I remember feeling out of place in my own body. I tried on a shirt from the year before and realized I wasn't the same size anymore. I felt strange for a moment, then brushed it off. I threw away the shirt the next day. By the end of middle school I knew I was bigger than my friends, but I tried to avoid thinking about it. I just wanted to fit in like the rest of them.

Freshman year I got called fat and decided to make myself invisible. Treated every food as if it an allergy. Lost 30 pounds in 60 days. Told my parents I already ate. Told my friends I was eliminating junk food. Told no one my secret for years.

Gained my weight back then lost it just as quickly. The never ending cycle of starving, binging, purging.
Starving, binging, purging.
Starving, binging, purging.
Nobody notices when I fall off track because disordered eating is only cared about when the victim is skinny enough that you can see the evidence. I have been terrified for four years to speak out for fear nobody would believe me when I told them.
No one expects a bigger girl to not know how to feed herself.
There is something to say about a culture so warped that I get upset by the fact I don't have a stereotypical eating disorder body.

Sometimes I wish it was more obvious, so at least that way they could see how hard I'm trying to be perfect... To fit in.
America, am I not sick enough for you already?

I do not need to be saved
I am the knight in my fairy tale

If I fall
It will be off a mountain I scaled alone

If I crash
It will be in the waves of my own ocean

If I float
It will be on the boat I built with my hands

And when I fly
It will be with the wings I forged myself

You said I'm the only one in the world,
but I realize, I'm not the only one in yours,

A lump in my throat,
why do I still believe you?

thinking back to the past, words never hurt me,
they just left me bruised.
old bandaids cover the scars, no room to have some more.
falling apart, they see me; uncovered.
the bandaids were my only good attire..

My dear mother,
Am promising you to love you always,
Am promising you to be your little girl always,
Am promising you to obey you,
Am promising you to be your strength, Am promising you to be by your side always,
Am promising you to make you laugh always,
Am promising you to not upset or hurt you by any of my talk,
I never let you down,
I will always make you proud,
But, I want a promise from you to never leave my side,
If ever I do some mistakes,
then scold me and teach me what's wrong and what's right,
but never ever leave me,
Love you my mother.

My fingers dance across your skin
and small constellations I trace;
There rests Aries on your collar,
and Andromeda frames your face.

Though you’ve labeled these stars a flaw,
I can’t stop myself from thinking
Aphrodite herself did bring
these small constellations to being.