i stand at the edge
where the water meets land

a few steps forward
is all it would take
to be swept away

i let the sea take me
relinquish control

it's out of my hands
i don't have to think

my mind is at ease
i am free
i am free

a smile washes over me
i am ready for life

this was all it took
but no land in sight

you come to me
in a dream

things are as they should be

waking up
with an urge
to make this dream
come to life

my mind tells me it's a sign

funny, isn't it?
dreams are only a sign
when they align
with my desires

saturated with uncertainty
**** these dreams

my mind;
my enemy
please
steer me in the right direction

i want
to feel death
hold it in my palm
taste the bitterness
then
let it go
find
what it means
to live

They tell me
To find the light
In all of my darkness

But wouldn’t I see
Any light peaking through
And wouldn’t I notice
Such a marvelous sign

I tell them they’re crazy
Only darkness lives here
I’ll know when there’s light
It’ll find me on its own

You don’t have to worry
This is just life
Don’t think about it too much
I’ll be alright

your mind is playing tricks on you again

it's not safe

that girl you know
it's not you
you don't know her

her face is familiar
you see it everyday
you use her to type these letters

she hates you

you don't know why

she's beautiful
but you can't tell
she doesn't want you to know
all the truth's of the world

open your eyes girl
you can't trust her

i always said
i'd die young
i wouldn’t make it
past 40
was that my depression talking
even at age 12
i had that feeling
running through my veins
it just didn’t have a name yet
it's starting
to make sense
now

how is it
that
I would do
anything
to please you
yet
I can’t
find it in me
to
please
myself