I got my step dad some drugs
When he was on them he said to me
He is jealous of those who commit suicide

To be so sure that whatever is after life
Is better than to continue living
Is to be braver than any man could be

What's she's feeling shows on her skin
this self harm game she'll never win.
She enjoys it when she sin's.
You could call her a sinner
or a cutter.
But it won't stop her from taking that drug or blade
for another.
Her mind she got from her mother.
But the pain is like any other
praying to her father,
she's asking,
"how do i recover?
why do i even bother?
should i scream louder?".
Or will they yell at her for crying wolf?
calling her a fool
because they couldn't understand her "help".
They never understood how she felt
they always believed someone else
like the medicine on her shelf.
So she killed herself.

I know ma, on many things we don’t see eye to eye,
All that you've given me compares to nothing anyone else could give or buy for me,
For all your belief in me as a being,
You ever existing love despite the wrongs I did,
I know I tend to stray to wrong deeds,
But your determination to my life brings me back,
I know we've had our fights,
And I've learned in the end you’re always right,
I wish I could take back the times I made you cry,
Every time I did I died a little inside,
I hope today to be the person you know I will be one day,
To make you proud I lived the right way,
When I see you I know the world’s going to be alright,
Because whenever I fall, you’re always here to hold me,
Wipe my tears, and help me face Life.

I don't understand why you just left me
You left me behind and never looked back
Was I not your little girl, your baby
You cared more for repulsive things like crack

Now you're gone, now I'll never have a chance
To see the face that cared for me so long
Memories fading, I want to enhance
The times we used to have which are now gone

Mom, why did you let the devil lead you
Walk so willingly with him side by side
Life could have been better, you knew 'twas true
Instead you chose wrong, to my face you lied

I always had one last flicker of hope
That was stolen, by one last hit of dope

Self centered woman
you're so wrong about
so many things I can't
even begin to reach
for half of my dreams
because of your words
that lead me to believe
I've failed you- maybe
I'm not what you were
wanting so badly..
but telling me lies and
staying away from him
will not change the way
that I feel about you-
disappointed.

When you tried to give me a compliment I always turn the cheek
Batting it away like it doesn't belong to me

That my hair is too frizzy for you to like it
My eyes too blue for your brown

My legs are elegant but they are marked with my disappointment
The purple and the blue will never go away
Yes, the bruises will slowly heal but by the time one problem is resolved another sapling and will slowly take root and show it's colors

You say my heart is made to heal
But I can't find it
It's buried so deep I can't hear it keeping time to my life song
It's crushed under all my self downs and worries
In that hollow it grows
Like a new bud
And one day it will turn into a flower

My response to your comment is lost on my tongue
It is somewhere tucked inside my conscience
Playing hide and seek with the directions on how to talk to boys and how to give an oral report without turning red
And I'm the seeker

You tell me I'm beautiful
But I can't hear you
The voices taunting me inside my head are too loud for your soft voice
Arguing about which way right
When I find my answer it seems as if the time has already left

You are already heading off in the other direction
Leaving me stumbling over my daydreams and expectations
Trying to get a grasp on what's ethical

I always forget to say thank you
It's sort of a bad habit
I'm always too worried about what will happen if I say something wrong
If I'll turn you away

I want you to know that I want you to stay
Stay close and hug me when I need it
So I can help you through your hardships
And carry each other's hopes and dreams upon our shoulders

You will be the soldier of my heart
Guarding the gates for all of the knights in shining armor that aren't noble enough to be my Prince Charming

Thank you Beauty Gurus for telling me that I can be beautiful inside and out

Thank you to the Gamers who show me that even if you get frustrated you have to keep going on

Thank you to the Vloggers who showed me that even when I'm depressed I can always count on them

Thank you to the Musicians who make beautiful music just to make me or themselves happy

Thank you to all the rest who spend hours just to make us happy

My mother is...

A superhero with no powers,
A knight with no armor,
A queen with no kingdom,
A gift with no ribbons,
A star with no award.

My mother is...

A tiger with stripes,
A life giver,
A home,
A friend,
A hug,
A kiss,
A frown,
A smile.

My mother is...

Hope,
Love,
Compassion,
Trust,
Happiness,
Anger.

My mother is...

My reason for existence,
My inspiration,
My motivation,
& God's creation.

Happy Mothers Day!

For making me feel safe, if only for a while.
For holding me tight and making me smile.
For letting me cry in your arms that one morn.
For making me happy though my heart had been torn.
For running your fingers through my hair.
For not coming when I needed you there.
For making me fall.
For believing we couldn’t have it all.
For the insecurities that by now should have passed.
For not hoping we would last.