I have a monster inside my head
it disguises its self using my own voice
it tells me I'm not pretty, no one loves me, I'm not smart, I'm doing everything wrong, and that I'll always be alone
some days I'm as bright as the sun while others I'm as dark as a night sky filled with no moon
I try to tell myself "you're happy, you're happy, you're happy"
but I never am
this monster has controlled everything
I have depression: and it's winning

Colours
Like you've never seen before
Blind these lost souls
As
To the music they sway
Their carefully sculpted hips
Banishing
Any thoughts
That endeavour to stray
Into their fickle minds
Between sips
Lips
That curve
Into phony smiles
Citing pitiful attempts
At humour
What are they hoping
To achieve here?
What are they hoping
To find?
I think
I'm going to stop deluding myself now
I'm going to go look for my own kind.

You there,
with your body laid
& your head rested
on your tear soaked pillow.
With the stains of unforgivable acts forced upon your body.
With the scars of abusive lovers,
with sharp tongues.
  
Yes you.
You deserve love.

With your battered bones
that creak & rattle,
with somber hymns
of hidden shame & hopelessness.
With insecure tastes
in your mouth,
that make you curse your being.

Yes you.
You deserve love.

With your desperation
& all your fears.
With your desire to awaken
from your fallacies of comfort.
From the caucus of neglect
that they left you to rot in.
Even though you may not know.

You. Yes you.
You deserve love.

You admitted a weakness,
A sweetness in your honesty
But I never imagined it could be.

A glance caught,
A laugh shared with ease,
A fool, that's me.

So simply self convinced,
No chance for this.
But then, a light touch to knee...

And like that day you shook my hand,
We met.
And now I see.

So much to learn for
This is your world,
This language is is not me.

But I'm a fool
who wants to learn,
Teach me.

Just one more
Maybe five
I can never reach my goal
It keeps getting lower

Today is the first time in a while
A full meal was eaten
My tummy got full
But maybe too much
It's like I can feel myself getting
Bigger

I don't like it
I wish it would stop
But I let it keep happening
It's like I've lost control

My ribs
My collarbone
They are becoming more visible
How is no one noticing?
Do they just not care?

All I need
Is for someone to care
For someone to assure me
That everything will be fine
In the end

I need someone to tell me
I'm beautiful
But I need it to be believable
I'm sorry if you've told me before
And I didn't believe you

These voices in my head
They're tearing me apart
They might end up being the death of me
Whether it be starving
Or I pull the trigger

I wish it would all be over
I wish I would be happy with myself

I'm 10 under my initial goal
But now it's 10 lower
How much longer will this go on?

Someone please help me