Faith is for fools
Believe in them
Trust that reason
Will win
And you will find
A monster
Given the keys
To the land
Of now tragic dreams.

follow us please
we will leave
this place
and make a nest
somewhere better
That Place will be heaven
a physical location
this place
could have been
if not for our kind.

Bully

Sometimes while I'm in class I start to wonder why people are who they are. There's a guy who stands out the most to me. He is that person that everyone knows, the one that makes fun of you, who makes tears fall out of your eyes, but who seems like he is broken on the inside... his smirk screams pain... his fake laugh says help me... and the insults he tells you feel like they are meant for him...

Strolling in the dark freezing night
on streets frozen and crushed,
we talked under the moonlight
and cracked jokes all the time.
I sensed an awakening inside
like the Devil was rapturing my mind.
It was pleasing, sensible, yet
I knew - it was an ugly lie.
I love another, I well remember,
but I can’t stop staring,
staring at those deep brown eyes...

Narcolepsy
Your muscles collapse, palms sweat, darkness drowns your body with a sleep attack. Hallucinations break in and leave your mind numb, while awake at 3 am wondering why? The next morning you think it's going to be better but your wrong. It's an ongoing suffering pain and misery in a darkness that no one can ever imagine  unless they have your "disease"

My mind runs in circles
Thinking of all the good and bad
In my life, currently
And in the past

I miss my aunt
My heart aches for her
And I wish she could be here
To see my wedding, because
I know she is probably in heaven
Wishing she could be here with me
And tell Jared how handsome he is
And how great we look together
The things
She used to say

I worry about money
Now more than ever
Getting a house for the first time
And paying for a wedding
All at once is overwhelming
But I know it will be worth it in the end

I stress right now
About almost everything
Which is odd, because normally
I never stress at all

But my baby cousin
Who is barely a month old
Is now in the hospital
And his mom doesn't think
he is going to make it
His big sister is going to be
Devastated

The lack of support
That I have from getting married
Is nauseating
Why can't people let us be happy?
Instead of stressing us out...

There are just so many things
Running through my mind
So many things
And I'm not sure why

Blue wind encapsulates
in the midst of this ephemeral
autumn madness,
and my hands shake
as I try to forget.

I am just a human,
small and faulted,
trying like hell to squelch
the siren songs
of these maniac thoughts
buzzing like bees
through the empty spaces
within my skull.

I am just a silent body
and grey matter processing
words and colors
that feel truer
than any cheap emotions.

Cold light illuminates
and sparks nostalgia
and I am just
two eyes
retreating
into the mist.

Baby eyes, porcelain minds
To my flesh, your memories bind
Of how your lips, your lips so sweet
So softly, with my neck they meet
And your body, pressed to me
The puzzle piece, how I see

And your breath, that bitter smoke
My sombre pretty heart, that you broke

Is this love, your tainted question?

"I'm tired. I want to give up."
"If that's what you feel, then okay."

*****.
When I've been holding for too long because I don't want to give up on you no matter how hard it is to love you and when I told you how I feel, this is how you're going to respond?

You always say that you love me. But why are you letting me go this easy? I tried so hard for us. There are so many times that I almost tear my heart out for you. There are so many times where I cry on the cold floors of my bedroom because of you. There are so many times I almost gave up on you because I know I need to save myself from drowning because if I don't do it now, I'll die. But I didn't! Because I love you!

Did you ever really love me?
No. You don't understand. You don't understand the pain I'm going through because of you. You don't love me. You don't care.

I always ask myself, "Is this what I want? Am I just going to be okay feeling broken like this? Until when?" I can't. I can't let myself feel this pain every night anymore. I can't bear to feel this overwhelming pain in my chest because you're hurting me again and again and again and **** it.

I love you but I don't want this anymore.

You don't love me.
And now I'm going to leave.
And I know every step away from you will be so hard but I have to.
Because this is what I deserve.
Not the insecurities, longing, unanswered questions, taking for granted, tears and pain you always give to me.

I deserve to walk away from you.
And I hope that it'll tear you apart when you realize that I'm gone and you lost the one who'll give everything for you.

Because I deserve that, too.

In distance
He caressed her face
Sang her lullabies
That rocked her to sleep
he smiled so brightly
you would’ve thought
it was her all this time
soon
he would come home
disguising his love for her
as his hatred for me