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Katarina Jun 11
Head Full of Nightmares
I knew how to walk directly into the storm now, two years later
I've yet to learn how to become the calm among the chaos
I am the chaos
My nights wither into one
The eternal struggle with oneself
To be soothed or tortured?
I can't have skin on skin contact with you, even when you cradle me like a baby, like our baby, without imagining you on her
I like to be asleep
Its my favourite place again
Even if my nights are full of her voice,
thousands upon thousands of her voices, all on top of each other,
all under your naked body
And somehow I can't stop loving the torture
Katarina Aug 2019
You spoke in nothing but riddles and metaphors and rhymes
And yet all the poetry in the world could not describe your beauty
The way you held every little thread of wonder, every gasp of pain, every drop of melted wax on unadulterated skin in the eyes that reflected the goddess in all three of her forms, and every god she bewitched
And the eyelashes that fluttered like the lilac butterflies
We liked to talk about so much

And it still kills me inside knowing that you are so close and yet I might never get to feel your lips on the back of my neck again
Or the way you grasped me just underneath my ribs and made my spine arch, just for you, or the way you grabbed my throat and pulled me close to you, without ever touching more
Because that would be breaking rules
The rules that I was too scared to break, even with your lips turning blue from the cold, your skin broken and your throat raw from the thin white lines dripping over and over

You used to place your hands on my belly, and trace little love hearts, just below my navel
And in each love heart plant a little kiss
And leave me staring, mesmerised
Your lips would brush so gently on the soft baby hair on my skin, until it stood up on end, as if in anticipation
And you’d smile and promise me,
“One day”

And now you hold another woman’s child and show him to build fires, like the ones you kept me warm with

I can’t look at the crystals anymore without thinking of their reflection in your irises as we unwrapped yet another ounce, and she spilled into our hands, purple and pink and orange shards
That we used to laugh about
Philathylamine connections to bring the coins spilled into our hands
For our future, you said
Pure love, or was it but a chemical love story?
When they all started to trip and turn to monsters
And you stayed pure
Mandy showed me ecstasy, and you embodied that, untouchable
Ecstasy and agony, do they always simply co-exist, or are they merely the same?


“Sober as a Judge”
Finally I had the courage to put that summer into words. Growth is beautiful, I thank you for showing me the butterflies and jesters. The universe giggled
Katarina Oct 2017
What peace it seemed, in the orange sun on this day
the colour that of jasper sunsets
yet it was 2:52pm

and I could think of nothing
but you

as the sand blew from the Sahara
the aftermath, the eye of that hurricane,
hazing in it’s most humid saffron

Isn’t chaos such a horrifically beautiful concept?
perhaps only that.

Filled with rage, rage that tastes like raw Astrid copper
copper so heavy that turned the sun
the sun that lit up my moon

And turned my chaos, to peace
For you could stop hurricanes

my serenity,
my wonder,
my love.
Katarina Oct 2017
So my sweet darling, say it.
Call me poison, just once more
And inject your sickly bitter honey drips
Into the butter softness that will stop your breath

For a while

And here I am, chasing my dragon again
A martyr, at the hands of a God
Or is it the other way around?
For you couldn’t even look at my face

That last time

Yet I couldn’t say goodbye
And I think you knew
I’d be back, waiting for a clenched fist at my throat
Craving to feel, nothing and everything

Once again.

Waiting for the word, the question.


“Religion is the ***** of the people”
- Karl Marx
Katarina Jul 2017
Dust the base of my spine
In red sparks of Jasper
The cherry of a cigarette on a
Smoky quartz


And then you progress
Caress my lower abdomen
Make me contract and shake, in infinite bliss
And lay me in a field of orange marigolds


Stroke the naval centre -
My life principles of power and identity
Melted away
In the honey calcite that drips in pearls


528 Hertz, you vibrate
The frequency that renews the very
Physical matter of my vessel,
My coded waves


My throat, where you talk your wisdom
Lace my waist in agate
And your hand circles the point of serenity
Teeth in the butter soft skin


And then you kiss me
On the forehead between the eyes
Those eyes that transform to yours,
When I open my third, and see the indigo


Shatter, shatter the shards through the finality
The barrier of quartz and clarity
And melt into my Sahasara
And we become knowing.

Katarina Jun 2017
All of a sudden
I missed that night
And the thought of your ****** lips
On my naked back
Overwhelmed my senses
And I stagger back
To when your hands bent my waist forward
And your breath was heavy
Almost as heavy as the smoke in your lungs
And the burdens of your soul.

**** me
And leave it be
For we all know
Me and you
We just
To Feel
Katarina May 2017
Lace my waist
Until I can no longer breathe
My sweet darling
Your fevered skin burns
As sweet as the most sickly candy

And I hold my bones

And you softly, gently,
**** me a little more
Each time that your ***** blue lips
Graze my porcelain skin
And you stop breathing

Just for a while

And the snow drips in my throat
Even then,
I feel nothing.
Your narcotic dove, a hand on her neck
And her soul remains

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