My eyes,
they cry,
My hands,
they shake,
My throat,
it stings with bile,
When I see or think of you,
And your deceitful smile.

I don’t think I hate you,
But I do hate what you've changed,
You have censored me,
Taken my voice,
My friends are now estranged.

When you cross my mind,
Which is almost every day,
I wonder if you think,
What you’ve done,
Is okay?

It isn’t.

Smooth like
Sugar and
Spice
And
Fire.

Sweet like
Hornets and
Coffee
And
Liars.

I’ve got that feeling again,
A pit in my stomach and a rush of blood in my veins,
These feelings about you again,
That make me go insane.

Right now I’m thinking of you,
Do you cry at night in your bed,
Because you, too, can’t stop,
Thinking of me in your head?

It’s silly to even ponder,
Because I know the answer is no.
You never give me a second thought,
When I get up to go.

If I don’t try we’ll never speak ,
And that’s what shatters my heart,
Because I can’t imagine life without you,
You’re my muse, my work of art.

I bought a brand new notebook.
With floral print and purple lines,
For the brand new school year,
To show them how I shine

But now it’s half way through the school year,
And my notebook has lost its glow,
It’s like as if my floral notebook,
Somehow really knows,

My mood and all my feelings,
And as I begin to age,
Like my floral notebook,
I seem tattered at every page.

When I reach the end of my notebook,
I fear what the story will hold,
Stripped of the words on the pages,
My heart soon growing cold.

I remember all the lessons,
And hope one day I understand,
That the stories in this notebook,
Are worth all the ink marks on my hand.

Its a summer,
sitting in the house older than the dirt in the garden just outside.

In the summer heat,
where we wear our bathing suits all day long.

We stay out in the sun because,
Pop pop says its good for us

We eat and eat and eat,
And we play and play and play

"stay young," Pop Pop mumbles under his breath,
of course when I was younger I never truly understood the words spoken form his lips.

As a teen in my grandparent's backyard,
my ungraceful limbs and awkward body were welcomed.

Mom mom and Pop pop loved my brace face even when I didn't.

My stomach rolls didn't matter.
In fact, the only rolls that did matter were the ones we ate with our macaroni.

In my grandparents home, we spend busy mornings,
but lazy afternoons playing poker at the table.

In my grandparents house,
sadness rolls away like the waves at the local New England beach.

Of course, like any good family, things can get angry and heated,

But at my grandparent's house,
that's just how we know it is time for a swim.

This one is for you,
Quiet girl,
Smart girl,
Shy girl,
You.

Not for the,
Funny girls,
Ignorant girls,
The girl that doesn’t acknowledge,
You.

Because you may be quiet,
But I never had a problem hearing your voice,
And you may be timid,
But when you speak I will always listen.

This one is for you,
For the day I saw you cry and thought that a
Quiet, smart, shy girl,
like you should never cry.
But does.

I know you cry when you are home,
And escape to your room where no one else sees.

You never answered my text,
And I am worried,
You tell me “I don’t have to”
But smart, shy, girl,
you never did realize,
That I always cared about you.

And I listened,
And I worried,
And I hugged,
This ones for you.

My eye won’t stop twitching
And I’m not sure if that is from the strain on my eyes
Or on my mind

I convince myself they are one and the same,
Everything is connected,
Like my whole body can be effected,
By a simple thought in my brain.

I try to look away,
Spare myself the rejection,
Limit the affection,
And ignore my own reflection.

But now some time has passed by,
And my eye has ceased its beating,
Like it’s  purpose has lost its meaning,
After the rhythm it’s been repeating.

An eye for an eye,
My eye like my heart,
Although I’m smart,
No one can stop me,
from tearing myself apart.