I once had this mp3 player on the top of my dresser
I'd wake up in the morning rewind it and listen to it all the day through
I know all the lyrics to all the songs and the order of the songs
It never got boring or exiting to listen to the same songs
And because there was nothing else to do
I'd just rewind it and listen through it tommorow
"Maybe I'll find new songs maybe I won't. But at least I know these songs are good ones and that won't change" I would find myself saying
If I tried to find a new song I might be disappointed in the lyrics
Or maybe the beat won't be fun to listen to
What if the sound is scratched and itchy
For a couple years I just stayed with my songs that I knew I liked
But one day when I was listening to my songs I met a girl
She asked me "would you like to hear what music I like listen to?"
At first I was hesitant and scared and was tempted to decline
But she convinced me
And what I realized when she put the headphones on my ears is that...
I have a terrible taste in music
Now all we do is find new music with each other and I couldn't be happier

Give me a chance and I will morph like clay
Remember my past I'll be gone in a day
Point my imperfections and I will love you
Pretend to lift me up and I will see through
Speak to me in the dark I'll stay by your side
Wave to me in light and you will be denied

Though I am constrained by the shackles of language and measurable time
I still strive to force my feelings, my consciousness, my perception through a string of words on a screen
Though I am held back by the lengths of waves that when seen by the ears of others translate to words of meaning and interpretation
I will try my best to contend to others that their perceptive of the waves or strings of text may very well be wrong
Though many people fail or fall short not to their fault or because it was their intention
I will still seek for more people that get it right
Then we will heal others around us

If you go down to the store and buy a soda pop
You'll notice that bottle is nice shiny and filled to the top
You walk out of the store smiling with glee
Ready for the sweet taste of the pop yippee!
But when you crack open the cap the bottle sprays
you never could've seen it would act such a way
Now you're left with a sticky mess
On your shoes and sleaves all the rest
And you think to yourself "wow what a day"
Then you think "Who would behave such a way!"

Every morning I wake up and I see myself in the bathroom mirror
But recently I've noticed the person who stares back at me doesn't look like me anymore
Sure they will mimic my motions and comb their hair the same way
And sure they may sound like me with the same inflections in their voice
But somehow I can't seem to believe it is me anymore
They can show their crude and red drawings to me and I will not believe that I made them
They will show me their eye that has faded to black like the dreams we both wept to last night
They can show the tears on the napkins we both used the night before
At this point, I just refuse to look at it
But I will never believe those drawings on the torn pages they show me every day were ever made by me
I will never believe they could ever be me
They can't be...

I'm sorry to announce from myself onto others
Tonight my soul will weep once more
I'm sorry to the ones that tried to pull me out of the gutters
And to those who tried to show me through the different doors
But tonight my soul weeps once more
Fears that crush me like an ant underfoot
And a void that consumes me like no other
For these reasons my soul will keep once more

After a long climb and a long walk up a steep mountain

I looked over and I saw another mountain twice the size and waiting for me to travel up it

For a while, I sought no motivation to climb up the tremendous cliff as the grass was not greener as people had promised

So then I sat on top of my mountain, which felt like a meer protuberance from the land after what I had just witnessed

And I waited and waited and waited... time passed and I was neither happy or sad about it

Then one day the grass on my small hill began to die and shrivel turning into brown and black as they revealed stones that were hidden in them

Seeing this I decided I might as well try to climb the next mountain even though I knew it would be demanding and laborious

But when I got there and I took my first step the grass was softer than it was before and there was new motivation to climb it

Though the darkness did surround me
Though I was scared
Though I was sad, lonely and ready to give up
Though all this surrounded me and cornered me
I found light and it only got better from there

I'll figure you out
What you think, what you feel
I know what you're about
I will help you heal

Give me the blade
I'll clasp it in my hand
An indivisible aid
I will withstand

You will get better
And I will get worse
You will glitter
I'll call the nurse

I fixed you
I broke myself
You passed through
I stayed on the shelf

Wonderful and in control
That's how I feel
I'm calm and collected
I feel real!
Oh I'm making a mess
But it's all ok
It's me and my friend making drawings today
Is it all a show?
Is this healthy? Is this productive?
Or is it all just for fun?
Uh oh I've drawn outside the lines
OH NO OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

A string will have imperfections and little threads that poke out and look ugly
Some threads even hurt the structure of how strong the string is
And that's ok they all do if you want you can try to fix the thread and put it back
And a lot of the time it will work and the string will be stronger than ever
The important thing to do when an impefection occurs in a string and refuses to be fixed is to
Now this part is important
Cut. It. Off.
Cutting a thread of is hard almost all the time
But if you tried to wound it back in with the others as best you can and it is just to stubborn
Cut. It. Off.

Tell me what to feel
Tell me what's real
Tell me it's all going to be alright
Show me your face
Put me in my place
Erase all that things that make me fight
Make a clean slate
Forget all the hate
You're all that makes me real
Promise me everything
Pick up when I ring
Show me I forgot to feel
Look at my scars
Go back to the bars
Ask me "Is there something wrong?"
You're tired and mad
Tell me I'm bad
And now you want me gone

I used to walk in a dense fog in a frigidly cold night.
I walked blindly without a clue of where I was going or when I was going to stop
I walked for miles not realizing that the sticks and stones beneath my feet
Were cutting me deeply as I walked past
At first, it was easy to ignore
But then the cuts started to hurt more and more
Then as I kept walking I started to limp
And then a limp turned into a shuffle
Then a shuffle turned into crawling
I cried for help as I moved along my hands and knees still being cut by razor sharp rocks
And at the last stretch of this terrible forest of blood and tears
I found a flower
Then I stayed there for a while adoring the beauty of the flower as my wounds began to heal

It was like I was dreaming
I only remember bits and parts of it really
The floor was cold, I don't remember it being as cold as it was before
It was calm too, I also don't remember it being so quiet before
I might as well have been the only person on Earth for that matter
I took a few minutes to look around first
Didn't see anything too special similar to what I would've read in the books
I checked my messages and there were none not like what I read in the books
I looked down into my hands and saw my brush
I had just got done cleaning it and admired the practically untouched condition of it
Was there really a point of cleaning it? As if I was going to use a different color.
Then-it began
Unfortunately-it began
Like a skill or practice-it began
I started making small delicate strokes in the color I loved and hated so much
The color that has shown me my reflection many times
The color that I keep taking out of the paint drawer
RED

I was patient
I was calm
I was in control
Something changed after a while though
The paint that I thought would be thick sticky acrylic turned into something else
All of a sudden it came to me-It was now watercolors
Disgusted by the light red and semi-transparent color it had become
I grabbed more paint and I grabbed more and more and more!
Then I felt like I woke up
My canvas filled with the color
No sound
No heat
No light
Was it a new color?
Had I found a new color for once?
I got ahead of myself and felt excited
But I looked at my canvas and all I could see was
RED

As I walk through the parks and through buildings and all the places I go
I see the people who walk by and stare at me dully and move on like the rest
I see their eyes and I see the blackish color that has blinded them and brainwashed them for years
But every once in a while I see a person with eyes that glow like diamonds
Most of the time the people that possess these rare set of eyes are children
They look around with their precious gift seeing what others with black eyes would never see
Other times its adults who have these eyes, though it isn’t as common for them as the children
The children have yet to be coaxed into the idea of being blind
Admire the adults for being strong enough to keep their eyes regardless of how much others would like to turn them grey, dark and blind
I look in the mirror and I wonder what a life with black eyes would be like
Then I shiver at the awful thought and immediately try to stop thinking about it
I thank God that neither I or my lover have been tricked into having dark eyes