Hydeer

Hydeer Nov 2020

Tell me what to feel
Tell me what's real
Tell me it's all going to be alright
Show me your face
Put me in my place
Erase all that things that make me fight
Make a clean slate
Forget all the hate
You're all that makes me real
Promise me everything
Pick up when I ring
Show me I forgot to feel
Look at my scars
Go back to the bars
Ask me "Is there something wrong?"
You're tired and mad
Tell me I'm bad
And now you want me gone

who am I writing this for? Do they care?

#love #life #people #memories

Hydeer Aug 2020

Satisfaction

Wonderful and in control
That's how I feel
I'm calm and collected
I feel real!
Oh I'm making a mess
But it's all ok
It's me and my friend making drawings today
Is it all a show?
Is this healthy? Is this productive?
Or is it all just for fun?
Uh oh I've drawn outside the lines
OH NO OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Like a vapor in the wind it was gone

#who #cares

Hydeer Feb 2020

Help! I am stuck in this cage

Even though I can walk and talk and go wherever I please
I am locked in this cage without the keys
You may not see it at first, look closer and you'll see
I am yearning and shouting to be set free
I've struggled I've tried but the outcome is the same
I'm stuck I'm trapped with four people who claim
That it's my fault and that I'm the one to blame
And when I try to escape they bash me with shame
I'll cry under my smile and laugh through my pain
They'll cheer and shout and refuse to change

My parents keep asking me "why are you sad" "why do you look like your dog died" I wish I could tell them it's their fault, but when I try they try to put the blame on me. I'm going to see a therapist soon and I'll express that to them but my parents are very stubborn. I want to be free I want to be who I am. But all day every day I have to act like a person I don't know. I'm slowly going crazy.

#sad #lgbt #transgender #hate #emotional

Nov 2019

KV

Roses

there are roses growing
from my hands
My doubt the seeds
Begging them to grow

There are roses climbing
up my arms
digging in my skin
but i am numb
to their thorns and beauty

There are roses growing
in my lungs
bloodied petals
filling my throat
and falling from my lips

Tears are sliding
down my cheeks
I've had enough
I am to weak

#tears #petals #roses

Hydeer Nov 2019

I Miss You Max B.

"I'll never leave you"
You stated again and again
only a viscous rue
I was hurt by more men

Damage was all that was given
Scars and cuts to remain
A selfish force you were driven
Open cuts upon my brain

The only question was "why?"
To which the silence gave
Sinking in tears I cry
Drowning, how can I be brave?

I'm going to see a therapist next week that should be fun. maybe I'll make a poem of it.

#sad #pain #regret #love

Hydeer Oct 2019

ologist

I'll figure you out
What you think, what you feel
I know what you're about
I will help you heal

Give me the blade
I'll clasp it in my hand
An indivisible aid
I will withstand

You will get better
And I will get worse
You will glitter
I'll call the nurse

I fixed you
I broke myself
You passed through
I stayed on the shelf

I warned you and you did not heed.

Hydeer Aug 2019

A Change Within a Snap

It amazed me just how quick
And it hurt me how much it kicked
I held a strong and sound thread
To a numbness that plagues my head

Metaphore or idioms can not compare
To the lack of feelings, even of despair
Monotonous tone hinders my voice
I'll hug my knees "I have no choice"

A laugh became a gasp of air
A conversation became a simple stare
Accidents I've made have turned to mistakes
A great fear to whisper and a fear to ache

My eyes that once would glow bright
Have been disguised among the night
A great fear I expressed long ago
Now is the truth I'd never show

I tried. I really did try. And now it's all quiet and I don't know where to go. My habits haunt me more and more.

#abab #thoughts #feelings