I loved you so much I thought it would break me.
But missing you.
That’s so much harder.

Time in heartbreak is a funny thing
It moves slowly but when you turn around to face the path you see that miles have rushed by.

First I feel it in my fingers and toes
The buzzing that grows
Grows into a quiver
From my thigh to my spine; a shiver

The pain of numb so few will know
Vision as black as crow
I trace my raised skin
What made the tingles begin?

First I feel it in my fingers and toes
The buzzing that grows
Grows into a quiver
From my thigh to my spine; a shiver

I clutch harder to my safety blanket
And run my hands over the goosebumps
This too shall pass, little one.

Your fingers trace me hip to breast
Switching back and forth against my curves
Sending ripples down my middle
And splitting me wide open

I’m dangerous
He croaks, throat dry
His blue eyes open wide
Like pools reflecting his truth
Lonely for so long he stoped wanting anything more
And what a woman like me wants
He’ll never understand
But he still chokes me
And whispers your disgusting in my ear
The ***** of the year
Me: educated, beautiful, independent.

I used to think I would never fall in love
But after him all I do is fall in love
Over and over
But I never let anyone feel secure enough to love me back.

I fall in love again and again and again
In silent torture

I hate how much you mean to me
How much you have always meant to me

My body always used to know what to do
But know my mind is at the helm
And my body is oh so bored.

I think I’ve loved you in a 1000 spaces
I curse my consciousness for being in this one

I’m not sure why I’m always squinting my eyes to the piercing light of my future
My own hands keeping me from seeing my potential

Without you there is no reason to wake

Im trapped in that moment of silence after the airbag deployed.

Tonight I won’t sleep
Maybe tomorrow I won’t eat
And the next day I may turn into a Marlboro Chimney

I try on different ways to **** myself slowly

I’ll never stop being in love with the way travel feels like walking through worlds

I’ve burned every bridge just to feel warm

Taught to think a partner is happiness
But never being truly happy with ourselves

Constantly trying to be better than the pornstars
Look like the models of his dreams
And let’s be real
More nurturing  than his mother

My 24th year
Sad and solemn

My lighthouse went dim just shy of its start
And my anchor simply dropped away

And here I spend it’s  last days
Stranded on open water

The sharks of future circling  

As the winds toss and turn me
Land becomes farther and closer and farther still

Im not sure when the storm will calm
Or the ache in my belly will cease

But I cling to my faith
That my light
she will lead from her dwelling place
And my ship
Well...

What I’m afraid to admit?
What if I never *** again
From a twinkle of the eye or a curling of a lip

I cannot say if I can
Nor even if I want to forget
Your hair as black as the night
With its touch as soft as satin

Because I find it everywhere

Laced around my clothes
In the seats of my car
And curled in my hands

Your hair, it keeps me up my dear
Draws my hands below my waist
I can still feel it brush against my stomach
As you tell me how good I taste

I know I love you because when I look at you I hear music.