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 Jul 2017 Haley
Sydney Carter
you said you loved me,
a single lilac among others.
prettier, you said.
sweeter, softer.
you loved my delicacy,
sense of solitude,
my endearing growth.
however,
sprouts whither,
and I find
myself asking
why must you
always turn back
to smell
the roses.
 Jul 2017 Haley
nim
To Love Love
 Jul 2017 Haley
nim
Love is blind.
For so long, I thought
That I must love someone,
That a lover is fierce,
That the love's easy and obvious.
But, I realised with time;
That you can love, not just a person
But a whole world out here
--To love the small things--
The way leaves travel on the wind,
And the way that
A rose petal is discovered
By a ladybug's love.
For so long, I jumped to love
But I didn't feel it
I didn't quite catch the hang of it
And with years, I
Felt love towards
My own flesh and blood
But I didn't realise it's importance.

One day, I have awoken
From a terrible nightmare
Just to see how you can
Love without feeling,
Not appreciating your life.

After that day, I soon
Learned to love my own tears
Because I could feel
At least something
And when a day came
That I felt my soul
It soon fell apart
Burned, crashed, washed out,
Smashed, killed, used,
Tortured, made fun of, bruised,
But I learned to love love.

I unraveled the confusion and
Accepted my flaws and merits
I felt the warm blood throughout my veins and the beautifully sounding beat of life

As I finally realised, I was alive

After that day, I appreciate
The small things
Learning
How to
Love, is loving
Life
---------------------------
[nim]
 Jul 2017 Haley
Hiraeth
Curtains
 Jul 2017 Haley
Hiraeth
"He'd never understand,"
So she draws the curtain closed
Now her shadows were hidden
Her white curtains glowed
The shadows were hid
The tears obscured
The heart locked away

"She's so happy. Her window glows."
So he draws his curtains closed
Now his shadows were hidden
His white curtain glowed
The shadows were hidden
The tears obscured
The heart locked away

And so they remained strangers to each other
Never once thinking that
Behind those glowing white curtains
They hid the same shadows
Obscured the same tears
Locked away the same heart.
 Jul 2017 Haley
Kathy
You’re tired of me,
Cause I’m not who I used to be,
I’m better now, but not to you,
I wish there was something I could do,
Who am I kidding? I need to move on,
I can see that you’ve been long gone,
I’m a master of disguise,
You can’t see through my eyes,
Now the sky seems a little less blue,
Since I’m no longer with you,
The grass seems a little less green,
Ever since I’ve been clean.
 Jul 2017 Haley
Shaxy
Always There.
 Jul 2017 Haley
Shaxy
In my gloomy days and despair,
I reached out for you
and you were always there.
Never failing to console me,
you dried my tears
and always assured me, “Don’t worry, I’m here.”
 Jun 2017 Haley
Yael
first kiss
 Jun 2017 Haley
Yael
Warm night air
You hold me tight
Summer breeze
I shiver, but from shock
You give me your sweater

Between kisses
You say I'm
Beautiful
Perfect
No one matters but me
And I believe you

I want more of you
All of you
To be mine

I stand on my tip-toes to reach your lips
Pink
Soft
Perfect
And your tongue grazes mine

We pause for air
Then pull eachother closer
And resume kissing
Only more feircely this time

I almost whisper i love you...
Good thing I don't...

The next day
We were too awkward to talk
Or even look at eachother
You didn't even say 'good morning'

The day after that
You asked me to dance
But I was still confused
And made excuses to leave

The day after that one
I was finally ready to face you.
I was expecting grandiose declerations of love
Only to receive
"You're not even that pretty"
"You're so hard to read"
"Nothing can happen between us"
And my heart shatters

First kiss...
The affair is heaven
The aftermath was hell
This is kinda a personal one, but then again they all are...
 Jun 2017 Haley
Lost
When I was little,
I used to hate having my door closed,
I would scream and cry
In fear of what the shadows could hold.
I was afraid of a box
Where I’d be held hostage
Caged with a lock
And no key
Back then
That pain was like the sting of a bee.
Now at 17 I realize that I wasn’t afraid of the dark
I was afraid of depression
Making its mark.
I was afraid of the endless battle of trying to fall asleep
Not wanting to wake up
But not wanting to dream.
I was afraid of the hope I would lose in that battle
Afraid of the chains
That made my hollow bones rattle,
Because in the light of a new day
I’d stay inside
“I’m tired” I’d say,
But the truth was much simpler
Than a cheap fix
I am afraid of myself
And I can’t change it.

— The End —