A song, a memory, is all it takes
To feel what I lost, not just you
But the losses of the past two years.

And now I loose my home too,
So much so little, so few
Places I have settled,
Found my place, and now I'm rattled.

How do I let go of the things that helped me move on?
Now, I say so long.
It's another chapter, but was I ready to close the last?
To the future, observe the present, remember the past.

How can I sit waiting for someone I know wont return?
The love I felt for you is gone, however, not the burn.
I used to wait, cry and yearn
To hold you in my arms and I in yours.
But now that's gone.

Oh, how I never wonder how it would be, if I were still with you
and you with me.
Still crying, waiting, would I be this blue?
I feel like half the person I did when when I was with you,
Yet I've grown to love myself too.

I don't cry often over you no more.
But my heart's, still sore,
When we said our goodbyes,
A kiss on my lips that never happened.
The soft good bye that was the day you left
I never wanted you to go, and I missed you so.

You still message me, every now and again.
I pretend it doesn't hurt, I lost you to the strain
Of distance between our bodies,
But never between our hearts.

How long can you love a person who isn't there?
How long does the pain stay?
How  long will I stay this blue?
Heartache, heartbreak. I thought I was over you.
How long will you affect me?
I don't wonder of our future. Yet I sit hear writing this poem... Why?

I'm better off alone.
Clique I know, but true to be.

I hurt when people are around.
I'm nowhere to be found.
My personality fades.
It comes in waves.
I forget who I'm supposed to be.
I'm chained, by myself, I'm free.

When I'm alone,
I get in the zone.
I know how I feel.
I know I am real.

When there's people here.
I steer clear, of letting them disappear.
I let my feelings go,
my true personality doesn't show.

I don't know why, maybe it's because deep down,
I don't think anyone
Would accept me for this.

It's been a while,
Since i drunk so much.
These days, my drug is just the smile,
I lay down, it's my new crutch.

I miss the days, that were softly red,
I miss the feeling of wanting dead.
My life is sore, but not so much more.

I wish, I wish I knew where to go.
Just sit in my calm place now, meadow.
It was all a lie, I told myself.
Instead, I put it on a higher shelf.

Do these feelings last?
Or do they simply pass.
I'm asking, not enquiring
something something requiring,
some strength and love,
is not enough, especially from above.

Was I always destined,
To be your friend or be your foe?
I do wish to answer, however, although....
I dont know, what to think no more.
I feel empty not just sore.


I feel like I've lost myself,
I ask for help I asked for help I ask for...
No more than the ordinary person.
Why can't I write how I used to?
Why can't I write only in pain.
Why can't I write when I'm feeling sane.
What is this curse?
What is this verse,
could it be any worse?
I feel so numb,
Down to my thumb.
I feel like I've lost my brain.

I feel so alone,
Yet I feel not alone.
I feel like I've lost again.

All of this pain, all of this misery
Coming from my history.
From my future, from my past
When will this feeling end, why does it last?
I ask askew, a tiny few.
Not many people hear me wonder,
Why this life, I've been under
has approached me so....

I often questions, Whether there's a reason,
That I've been thrown here, midseason,
With the world turning to crap.

There's a man whose snoring next to me.
He's not my husband or my man.
But he is still there, snoring next to me.
Where did he come from, I wonder where.
He breathes in and out, soft sounds next to me.
The windows closed, he didn't come in through there.
Twitches his arm and leg right next to me
What a weird night, for a snoring man
To appear as I wake, just right next to me.
Bizarre!! Bizarre! I do say bizarre!
The sleeping man still next to me
Where do I go, what do I do?
With the snoring man right next to me.