I often think of the words Ellen Everett left behind.
"If you're looking for forever
I'll take the batteries out of my clock so that we'll be stuck inside this moment, as if time really stopped!
I would tell you I love every second, except here seconds do not exist! So I'll say ' I love you ' with each breath, each smile, with each kiss! And when I die you can crank your watch, restart the clocks, begin the time and know that we were infinite in the moment that you were mine...

What if i said i could raise the dead??
What if i said i could take your pain away??
What if i could help the angels carry your blessings for you.
What if i could answer all your prayers.
What if i could end your nights??
What if i could be in your dreams.
Make your nightmares, just mare nights.
What if...
What if i said i loved you.
Would you come to love me back?
What if i died for you??
Would all your sins fade away??
What if i was god, would you pray to me?
    ...No love here...

A heart does not break
It just slowly fades away...
It fades everytime it hurts

Well...
It's not fair, and I know he's our maker, but it's not fair!
I'm jealous that he made you and saw you before me!
I'm jealous that you talk to God more than me!
I don't mean any blaspheming, but I want to be omnipresent to your eyes.
Through your eyes, you may see me as God!
I'm jealous that the first words you uttered weren't my name, you see I like how you call my name, how the letters roll down your tongue.
I'm jealous of myself for not seeing you nearly enough!
I'm jealous your mum spent more time with you before you existed!
I'm jealous that other men come up to you, I mean look at you!
Oh the sun rays, the brittle gentle touch of the wind on your skin, I'm even jealous that you touch your body more than I do!
I'm so jealous...

And she endured December.
Smiled for the new year.
Ate eggs for easter!
And waited for the rain.

So she could mix it with her dried up tears.
Happiness has become a distant memory.

For even the movie "joker" wouldn't play on her laptop!

They... They will take yhur pride and expect you to stand tall.
They will collect your ballon and expect you to smile.
They will take your meals and expect you not to starve.
They will take your God and expect you to have faith.
And they will take your happiness and still expect a laughter.
Take your life and expect you to live.

"If the doves symbolize peace and calmness.
Women symbolize a perfect blend of complicated and simple natured."

After a while, she'll accept you on her own!
Put in those efforts though, you cannot make her not see you as other guys...
She'll choose that on her own, you'll never know the exact mode, and even when you do, you still might be wrong.
They want to be understood, but hate it when you understand all of them.
Let them feel vulnerable in your arms and hope that you're strong and caring enough to not let them break.
Women trust you even if they know you'll hurt them.
Well some.

Like a raging tsunami that consistently hits asia.
They'll speak of it, till it fades.
Your fame, either the right or wrong way, will bring them to notice.
As long as it benefits e'm, they'll stick.
When it's for your sake, they'll make you sick.
It'll be like loving someone you hate.
They'll preach about how true friendship is.
Call you "love"
Like Romeo and Juliet...
But you know, Romeo and Juliet wasn't a love story.
And like this poem, it didn't end well.
People want to change, in fact, we do Change...
But others will never stop seeing you with the same eyes, that they saw you with in the past.
People will talk, no matter what!

Dear Diary...
I've been having some days full of sleep and insomnia nights.

Today, this morning, i woke up feeling like death!
and when i finally opened my eyes,
i kinda wished that was it was.

I hope tomorrow i can wake up feeling like life,
so i wouldn't wake up to realize
it's Death.

Feelings of a dead man??
That's ironic.
Dead people don't feel.
But I'm alive, and i feel death.
Someone, anyone....
Please save me!

I'm certain now that I'm here
I haven't made a mistake, at least not one I'm aware!
Smart people don't fall in love, not really!
So call me stupid for trying to die with you...
I love you stupidly, I love you egotistically, I love you sentimentally.

If I should live, you'd have to be in it, if I live while you die, I'd be incomplete with a hole.
It'll sting and endlessly burn like brimstone and coal
So let me die with you, I'd rather be wholesome with you in death, than be empty in a life where you don't exist!

Let us complete each other in the absence of life!
I love you even in death
I love the way we'll die close to each other.

It must have been the illuminating light from Lucifer's fall.
She radiated beauty
I don't think I'll need a radioactive detox.

A woman, such strong-fragile existences.
Passive to their stubborn nature although not all...
Doesn't give a man the right to impose or not respect their wishes.
If she gives her heart to you, do not arrest her with cardiac.
She should be treated like the sun when there's winter.
And like the sea breeze when it's summer.
Never neglect her feelings and opinion.
After all they brought us out the garden. They can do more!

Contempt was 'him'
In winter on an apocalyptic evening
When the sky bled crimson.
Emptiness was 'his' cold lips over mine,
It was like a rock song to a baby.
Feelings??
What are those??

However...
I've been waiting on a sign!
But it seems like i need a new prayer!!

There's sentiment in the way you talk
In every breath I watch you take.
You exist in me, in the words, the sounds and even in colours!
They say "love is blind"
And if so...
I'd like to love you in braille.

Her eyes, look like dawn in a very bad mood.
Het smile takes the mind places the body wouldn't think existed.

Women can be a natural blend of crazy and an unnatural blend of warmth, but they mic so well.
"Look at her clothes, isn't it a bit too revealing??" Close your eyes then.
It's alright to stare, but when it becomes a stare with intent,
With lust...
With a judgemental glare!
That's the line, she's free to wear whatever and whenever!
Respect her body!!
Respect her personality under those clothes you think are coquettish on her.
Stay your away your fetish
By the way, why do you get to have a say??

I have gotten used to the hurt.

Yhur soft lips, spitting hard hurtful words.

But please, if yhu are going to cry wolf, then yhu should mean it.

Don't try to save yhur life by taking mine.

Yhu can't heal a scar with a bandage.

I should be fine...
I should be...
I should...
I.
...
.

As she started to trace her steps...
She discovered that she was back on the same trail.
The one that led to her fall.
Well, now she's back where she started.
On the ground again.
And trying to fake a smile
Was like trying to heal a scar with a bandage.
She was a girl in passing...
She was a lady in limbo, and although other people see her.
She does not see them.
Even with her love for bright colors, she couldn't find the grey area in her pain.
Her love was lost!

If mood swings were someone, it'd be you.
I bet if forensics dust my heart, they'd find your prints.
In a song with the worse lyrics, I think of you... I think of how if you were mentioned in the song it would've sounded better.
I think of you when I see a night without starts.
I think to myself, "what if you were here, maybe the starts would come out"
I think of you when I see you, cause I want to see you ever time and all the you(s) that you hide under that smile.
Whenever I think about a smile, I picture yours
It spreads in my head like colors dancing on a canvas.
When I think of canvases I see your reflection.
When I think about reflections, I picture your silhouette living like a parasite in my memory.
When I reminisce about memories, all I see is our hands locked, and you separating them, just so you can come closer.
When I see people becoming closer, I wonder if we could become even closer than that.
That! That time where I was in my own world until you saw me, saw who I really am.
Am I still the one for you, I often wonder while yhu're on me...
And I'm under!

Every conscious breath
Every lingering desire...
Every tale where you are in it
You are my colour, my tribe, my culture.
My very tradition, you are my religion.
I'll offer worship and piety to you
You are my present and the only future I see!
You are my life style, without you my life would be without style
I'm not blaspheming here, but you are my god!
If my heart was dusted for prints, they find yours stamped there!
My lips would endlessly run dry without your kisses.
Replace all your characters in all your favorite books with me!
I could play with words all day, but the truth is you're just stunning...
So baby, call me... anytime!
And I'll come running

Slowly the rumors, when talked about enough... Would start to be the truth.
The truth would try to prove itself, but would start sounding like a lie.
A lie whose value is dying, would start to work extra ******* itself...
Then instead of renovation, we'll keep breaking down this world.
It's messy and messed up

Oh beautiful boy in denial...
Would you continue to hurt other girls??
Would you lie about your feelings??
Will you still put a smirk on your face, when she presses the cold razor blade on her skin, and watch it sink deep into her veins,
There as she bleeds out and think.
"I thought he was mine alone"
Call it stupid of her, but not everyone deals with hurt the right way.
Oh, there's no right way to deal with hurt.
Oh lover boy...
Would you continue to abuse the word
"Love"!?
How many girls will that lie confuse until you're satisfied.
Then your own daughter!!
What about her!??
When someone as good or worse than you come for her.
What would you say?? Will she make pain her friend, or will she use a sharp blade to meet her end??
What about your daughter?? What about her??

I may not have all the experiences in the world...
But I know love
And I know pain

So even if there's pain in love!
I'll still choose love!

Often times than none, we mistake what the feeling is.
We try to put the unknown into words.
It could be a torrent, a tsunami about to hit Japan
Some sort of sacrifice, it could be a selfish act to preserve one's special somebody!
But it's present everywhere.
Love!!
So, should there be a need to tolerate
If loves is present??

To the slight tingling sensation, opening my eyes to half the illumination of the sun rays, branching in, through the wine colored curtains.
He strokes my hair with a smile...
"Good morning"
In a familiar voice, yet still feels new to my ears.
The vibrato that makes my pores open up like a parched animal in heat.
I lay on his chest for a while, he strokes my tighs, and my muscles and nerves wakes up with the morning.
"How was your night"
Speechless i lay, trying to look for the silver lining of how this cliche scenery looks, but i still cannot get enough.
He gets off, with a Melanin glow, like his cologne never left.
His silhouette screaming out of the robe he has on, like it was tailored to fit.
He bends over, with breath like mint on summer... He says:
"Want a shower"?? And i wonder how i ended up here!
So i wake up to myself
Wet and alone.!

I want to go out...
Wish I had extra energy to hang out.
My comfort, my sweet bed
The softness that makes me forget I've got work to do.

I want to go out...
Hehe, go out to what??
Do you see the people out there??
There are out there so I can be in here
I do not belong with the "Extros"
I wonder how they feel when they go out of their comfort zone.
Nah, I don't, I don't even care how they feel.
I want to scream some days, but I'm too lazy to open my mouth and let sounds out, so I just... "Meh" the day away!

I want to go out...
I need me a vacation, a super occasion
One that takes away validation of an "intro"
But there are perverts out there, and they'll intrude in my "vert"
Why should I go out to meet the outside people when they won't come inside, I don't even want them inside.
I'm not confused, maybe just a little bit.
But please, don't call me out. I'll hate you 🙂
I wannnnnt to go out!
And so the days go by, and I've only gone out in my head.

She was like a dimple...
Nature's beautiful deformity.
She was like a rose...
So much thorns Even Jesus wouldn't bare.
She was like a goddess...
But her gaze will petrify you like meduza!
Now she's like water...
I only expect to drown in her!

Gave mankind will.
But want us to still do your bidding.
Sometimes, in myself, i feel like I'm not myself.
Maybe the image of self, is a delusion of one's other self.
What if i was the alter ego, and it was the real self??
What if mankind wasn't created in the image of gods,
What if gods was formed out of the image of man??
They say gods are born out of wishes.
So, tell me. Who wished first.
Are we made for gods, or were they made for us??
Cause it feels like mine has abandoned me.
Or was it i, that abandoned him??

If i were to say...
That the interesting thing to me, right now.
Is the calling of the silver blade on the table in front of me.
Placing it on my skin and letting t go deep like hot knife on butter.
Let it help my veins loose a little,
And let me see the color i so love.
The color red!!
If i were to say that...
Would i be considered suicidal??

Like the butterfly's wings, if you listen carefully, you can hear her heart speaking in unknown tongues.

"She has all her walls up"
You have no idea of things she had to go through, to make her build those up
The constant hurt
The road to rebuilding her self-esteem that she gave out, and got broken shards of different part of herself.
Her walls need to be up, so despicable excuses for humans like most men won't get her.
They won't inflict the hurt, the one that made her hurt.
The hurt connected to her "opening up" personality.
You should respect her decision.
Stay away.

my heart's been stolen, and not in the cliche way...
i'm pretty sure that if you run forensics they'll find foot prints leaving
they'll find your finger prints at the place my heart once laid.
your eyes are so beautiful that when i first saw them...
i felt how useless mine were, that i almost couldn't open them up
let me stare at you from afar
let me wonder how it would be like, for you to like someone like me
i know you've got a ton of people lining up to get your attention
but if after all your options are exhausted
and you feel like you need something new
then, please consider me!

I thought I was a child of the light.
But darkness feeds off of me!
It's meticulous, and meticulously contaminating what's left of the reflection... Reflection of the light I once possessed.
These days my demons are bored
They say every time they chase me...
I don't run!
I hope for nothing, I seek nothing!
So whenever I get drained by the darkness, I start to bleed words on a paper!

Most often times than none. We try to understand what a woman wants...
And endless, needless dedication of time, staring into an abyss who won't even look back.
The pride of the gender exudes so much temptation, that's blocked only by their self esteem!
A woman, a fine blend of all things pure in an onholy manner.
The help "meet", who only meets you at the point of her own need, but is there for you regardless.
Now their complications wear a silhouette and pose for a camera with dead batteries.
A woman wears no original scent.
Only the one she thinks suits the occasion.
A woman, a mixture of all things petty and a cluster-****, to bring out a goddess or light.
They're both the sickness and the medicine.
Depends on their mood!

It's nothing personal...
Yet! These days, i feel, like,
Love is a waste of time.

I am a place where all love comes...
To fail.
A place where all life come to die!
I am the poet, who never writes anything happy.
But my poems make me happy!
I am the place, where all happiness comes to an end!

Was there ever a time when you felt like you needed to get away?
When you were left alone in your head?
Where you kept feeling like the world was against you.
Sending you trials and tribulations, making your efforts, effortless.
Depression pressing on you, like a compressed load of oppressed dialogues, without a single sense in it?

Take all of those!
I think... No! I feel all of those now.
But I cannot tell it to the world.
They'll think that I'm a girl in my head!

Do you feel it too??
The love we had, that glitter
Our memories, in a wonder!
Now it just shakes and stutter.
Like rusty nails that were depraved from water.
We are together, but we fell apart a long time ago.
We are like two people, who didn't matter...
We are separate, with love that ran cold.
In love with each other, but in a different cluster!

Sun rays in the morning, smelling dew with a hot coffee to go with.
Cannot be compared to the quintessential beauty you emit.
I can't lie you're so fine...!!
I bet God cursed for the first time when he made you.
He was like "holy smoking ****, I'm good"
I bet he resisted rest on the seventh day, just so he could design your smile.
Do you believe in love at first sight??
Or should i come back tomorrow??
Mon Cherie...
If i appear on judgment day, and I'm asked how i spent my life,
I'd say i spent it thinking about scenarios of us, about moments that won't happen, but I'd like to lie to myself.
Hey!??
I think I've lost my way, so...
Could you show me the way to your heart??

Lies too sweet to tell, too bitter to retain. too heavy for the tongue to bare, too sharp for the ears, or they'll tear.
Lies....
Yhu lied.

Read carefully...
If you collected a penny for every time i cried over you.
You'd be broke!
My love for you, withered like a fairy tale, a long time ago.
Each time i see you, i glow up like an anime character!!
Nah, that's a lie, i ***** in my own mouth.
You were like the rush a child gets from much sugar in take.
Now you're like the vinegar that was fed to Jesus!
I'd love to keep this false love going.
But I'm too lazy for the circle.
I'll just keep saying "i love you" so you could keep feeling like you're deceiving me.
But he who laughs last... Laughs what??
Nah, he who laughs last will be an idiot left alone in the room.
That's what you are right now.