And she endured December.
Smiled for the new year.
Ate eggs for easter!
And waited for the rain.

So she could mix it with her dried up tears.
Happiness has become a distant memory.

For even the movie "joker" wouldn't play on her laptop!

Feelings of a dead man??
That's ironic.
Dead people don't feel.
But I'm alive, and i feel death.
Someone, anyone....
Please save me!

That's what I am.
Like an art on a canvas.
Only just to be admired, nothing more.
Only pleasant to your eyes, when you saw fit.
My only existence was to satisfy your needs.
You could've at least looked at me with love in your eyes.
If You're going to cry wolf
You should mean it.
My anxiety became the only subject matter, and she gave me advices because you were never here.
I was only useful in a useless way.

I was useful in loving and supporting you.
But all of those were useless
Cause you still went back to her!

They... They will take yhur pride and expect you to stand tall.
They will collect your ballon and expect you to smile.
They will take your meals and expect you not to starve.
They will take your God and expect you to have faith.
And they will take your happiness and still expect a laughter.
Take your life and expect you to live.

Contempt was 'him'
In winter on an apocalyptic evening
When the sky bled crimson.
Emptiness was 'his' cold lips over mine,
It was like a rock song to a baby.
Feelings??
What are those??

Like a raging tsunami that consistently hits asia.
They'll speak of it, till it fades.
Your fame, either the right or wrong way, will bring them to notice.
As long as it benefits e'm, they'll stick.
When it's for your sake, they'll make you sick.
It'll be like loving someone you hate.
They'll preach about how true friendship is.
Call you "love"
Like Romeo and Juliet...
But you know, Romeo and Juliet wasn't a love story.
And like this poem, it didn't end well.
People want to change, in fact, we do Change...
But others will never stop seeing you with the same eyes, that they saw you with in the past.
People will talk, no matter what!

However...
I've been waiting on a sign!
But it seems like i need a new prayer!!

I have gotten used to the hurt.

Yhur soft lips, spitting hard hurtful words.

But please, if yhu are going to cry wolf, then yhu should mean it.

Don't try to save yhur life by taking mine.

Yhu can't heal a scar with a bandage.

I should be fine...
I should be...
I should...
I.
...
.

Dear Diary...
I've been having some days full of sleep and insomnia nights.

Today, this morning, i woke up feeling like death!
and when i finally opened my eyes,
i kinda wished that was it was.

I hope tomorrow i can wake up feeling like life,
so i wouldn't wake up to realize
it's Death.

"If the doves symbolize peace and calmness.
Women symbolize a perfect blend of complicated and simple natured."

After a while, she'll accept you on her own!
Put in those efforts though, you cannot make her not see you as other guys...
She'll choose that on her own, you'll never know the exact mode, and even when you do, you still might be wrong.
They want to be understood, but hate it when you understand all of them.
Let them feel vulnerable in your arms and hope that you're strong and caring enough to not let them break.
Women trust you even if they know you'll hurt them.
Well some.

If i were to say...
That the interesting thing to me, right now.
Is the calling of the silver blade on the table in front of me.
Placing it on my skin and letting t go deep like hot knife on butter.
Let it help my veins loose a little,
And let me see the color i so love.
The color red!!
If i were to say that...
Would i be considered suicidal??

I often think of the words Ellen Everett left behind.
"If you're looking for forever
I'll take the batteries out of my clock so that we'll be stuck inside this moment, as if time really stopped!
I would tell you I love every second, except here seconds do not exist! So I'll say ' I love you ' with each breath, each smile, with each kiss! And when I die you can crank your watch, restart the clocks, begin the time and know that we were infinite in the moment that you were mine...

Do you feel it too??
The love we had, that glitter
Our memories, in a wonder!
Now it just shakes and stutter.
Like rusty nails that were depraved from water.
We are together, but we fell apart a long time ago.
We are like two people, who didn't matter...
We are separate, with love that ran cold.
In love with each other, but in a different cluster!

As she started to trace her steps...
She discovered that she was back on the same trail.
The one that led to her fall.
Well, now she's back where she started.
On the ground again.
And trying to fake a smile
Was like trying to heal a scar with a bandage.
She was a girl in passing...
She was a lady in limbo, and although other people see her.
She does not see them.
Even with her love for bright colors, she couldn't find the grey area in her pain.
Her love was lost!

I will light you a candle, each time you say, you care.
And i will mourn those words.
I have sugarcoated my pain, with droplets of virtual honey.
Now your hurtful words taste like caramel on a lonely night.
I pray you feel as miserable as you thought, you've made me feel.
Loneliness, is not spelling the words right, with blurry eyes from a damp sheet, filled with leftover tears!
I am a woman, in need of love, attention and sometimes, petty things.
I'm not perfect, but i try!
I'm strong on some days...
But i cry!
And if there was a next life, I'd like to not exist!

I am a place where all love comes...
To fail.
A place where all life come to die!
I am the poet, who never writes anything happy.
But my poems make me happy!
I am the place, where all happiness comes to an end!

A heart does not break
It just slowly fades away...
It fades everytime it hurts

I'm sure breakfast in bed sounds nice.
Morning pecks and cold night cuddles, intense romance, and getting caught in moments, that leaves you breathless.
Hand gestures and french kisses.
Unending conversations, talking even about things that didn't matter.
Going on dates and even hitting on the Waiter.
So much love in the air that you caught all.
But then, please look away.
Take walks in a lonely hall.
You can't possibly have all those.
You're single!!
Just keep scrolling...

Her eyes, look like dawn in a very bad mood.
Het smile takes the mind places the body wouldn't think existed.

Women can be a natural blend of crazy and an unnatural blend of warmth, but they mic so well.
"Look at her clothes, isn't it a bit too revealing??" Close your eyes then.
It's alright to stare, but when it becomes a stare with intent,
With lust...
With a judgemental glare!
That's the line, she's free to wear whatever and whenever!
Respect her body!!
Respect her personality under those clothes you think are coquettish on her.
Stay your away your fetish
By the way, why do you get to have a say??

Once!
I was afraid of losing you!
Now,
I'm afraid, that I am losing you!

She was like a dimple...
Nature's beautiful deformity.
She was like a rose...
So much thorns Even Jesus wouldn't bare.
She was like a goddess...
But her gaze will petrify you like meduza!
Now she's like water...
I only expect to drown in her!

If I was a ballerina...
Swan lake, wouldn't have been able to be my only performance.
Where the sun rises, for Genesis to exist.
How can one's heart be so soft in the strongest way possible!?
My mother, isn't an angel, but I'm sure it took God two extra days to make her.
How else would you explain that.
A woman would hold so much quintessence.
Her presence makes a bad day taste like a vanilla ice cream on a summer beach.
Stella, if you decided to replace a star today.
You'd make the laws of physics confused.
Cause baby, you'd shine so bright, the sun would be like a faint candle light on a pitch black night.
Thank you for being born.
Happy birthday love!

Lies too sweet to tell, too bitter to retain. too heavy for the tongue to bare, too sharp for the ears, or they'll tear.
Lies....
Yhu lied.

To the slight tingling sensation, opening my eyes to half the illumination of the sun rays, branching in, through the wine colored curtains.
He strokes my hair with a smile...
"Good morning"
In a familiar voice, yet still feels new to my ears.
The vibrato that makes my pores open up like a parched animal in heat.
I lay on his chest for a while, he strokes my tighs, and my muscles and nerves wakes up with the morning.
"How was your night"
Speechless i lay, trying to look for the silver lining of how this cliche scenery looks, but i still cannot get enough.
He gets off, with a Melanin glow, like his cologne never left.
His silhouette screaming out of the robe he has on, like it was tailored to fit.
He bends over, with breath like mint on summer... He says:
"Want a shower"?? And i wonder how i ended up here!
So i wake up to myself
Wet and alone.!

Often times than none, we mistake what the feeling is.
We try to put the unknown into words.
It could be a torrent, a tsunami about to hit Japan
Some sort of sacrifice, it could be a selfish act to preserve one's special somebody!
But it's present everywhere.
Love!!
So, should there be a need to tolerate
If loves is present??

Gave mankind will.
But want us to still do your bidding.
Sometimes, in myself, i feel like I'm not myself.
Maybe the image of self, is a delusion of one's other self.
What if i was the alter ego, and it was the real self??
What if mankind wasn't created in the image of gods,
What if gods was formed out of the image of man??
They say gods are born out of wishes.
So, tell me. Who wished first.
Are we made for gods, or were they made for us??
Cause it feels like mine has abandoned me.
Or was it i, that abandoned him??

Oh beautiful boy in denial...
Would you continue to hurt other girls??
Would you lie about your feelings??
Will you still put a smirk on your face, when she presses the cold razor blade on her skin, and watch it sink deep into her veins,
There as she bleeds out and think.
"I thought he was mine alone"
Call it stupid of her, but not everyone deals with hurt the right way.
Oh, there's no right way to deal with hurt.
Oh lover boy...
Would you continue to abuse the word
"Love"!?
How many girls will that lie confuse until you're satisfied.
Then your own daughter!!
What about her!??
When someone as good or worse than you come for her.
What would you say?? Will she make pain her friend, or will she use a sharp blade to meet her end??
What about your daughter?? What about her??

It's nothing personal...
Yet! These days, i feel, like,
Love is a waste of time.

He has a smile...
That will steal yhur soul Away.
A Heart that only beats to her voice!
But she has words that tears his heart apart.
And leaves stains of hurt.

If love could be bottled up.
Then my bottle would be...
Empty!

I thought I was a child of the light.
But darkness feeds off of me!
It's meticulous, and meticulously contaminating what's left of the reflection... Reflection of the light I once possessed.
These days my demons are bored
They say every time they chase me...
I don't run!
I hope for nothing, I seek nothing!
So whenever I get drained by the darkness, I start to bleed words on a paper!

If mood swings were someone, it'd be you.
I bet if forensics dust my heart, they'd find your prints.
In a song with the worse lyrics, I think of you... I think of how if you were mentioned in the song it would've sounded better.
I think of you when I see a night without starts.
I think to myself, "what if you were here, maybe the starts would come out"
I think of you when I see you, cause I want to see you ever time and all the you(s) that you hide under that smile.
Whenever I think about a smile, I picture yours
It spreads in my head like colors dancing on a canvas.
When I think of canvases I see your reflection.
When I think about reflections, I picture your silhouette living like a parasite in my memory.
When I reminisce about memories, all I see is our hands locked, and you separating them, just so you can come closer.
When I see people becoming closer, I wonder if we could become even closer than that.
That! That time where I was in my own world until you saw me, saw who I really am.
Am I still the one for you, I often wonder while yhu're on me...
And I'm under!

my heart's been stolen, and not in the cliche way...
i'm pretty sure that if you run forensics they'll find foot prints leaving
they'll find your finger prints at the place my heart once laid.
your eyes are so beautiful that when i first saw them...
i felt how useless mine were, that i almost couldn't open them up
let me stare at you from afar
let me wonder how it would be like, for you to like someone like me
i know you've got a ton of people lining up to get your attention
but if after all your options are exhausted
and you feel like you need something new
then, please consider me!

Most often times than none. We try to understand what a woman wants...
And endless, needless dedication of time, staring into an abyss who won't even look back.
The pride of the gender exudes so much temptation, that's blocked only by their self esteem!
A woman, a fine blend of all things pure in an onholy manner.
The help "meet", who only meets you at the point of her own need, but is there for you regardless.
Now their complications wear a silhouette and pose for a camera with dead batteries.
A woman wears no original scent.
Only the one she thinks suits the occasion.
A woman, a mixture of all things petty and a cluster-****, to bring out a goddess or light.
They're both the sickness and the medicine.
Depends on their mood!

I often wonder what it would be like, to not be me, but observing "me"
From my own point if view.

So in the beginning, there was me!
And i grew two more personalities, but those personalities evolved into other personalities with an alter ego.
Which created other personalities.
Decision making has been an ordeal and trying to figure out which one came first was the issue.
All of them grew into demons, no Angels, just demons.
If i ever want to send a note to myself(s)
I'd say : "shut the **** up"

I want to be with you, but being without you is sweeter!
On the eve of an almost ended November, you placed your lips on mine, and suddenly we began to make overlaps and wetness filled the scenery.
Your heartbeats, so fast it felt like  background music!
Your eyes, said "our last kiss"
It was tasteless 'the kiss'
Our love life filled with life and vigor,
It was loveless... Not knowing who loved less!
On a sunny sunday, where there was no sun!
You shone, and suddenly my butterflies grew wings.
Like ikaris they flew too close to the sun.
Suddenly you left!
And now the birds don't sing anymore, the rivers became as still as a lake.
The sun refused to cry sweet heat of hotness hitting *****.
Since you left, i started to leave my life
Suddenly!!

As he gazed up to the sky...
He discovered, that he has only ever been looking at t, and not seeing t.
He wept...

I can be on your own level
And flirt, and make small talks.
And laugh!
Be petty even...
But if you spit the "love" talk towards me.
I'm killing your vibes.
My frequency doesn't come up,
On your radio channels.