They... They will take yhur pride and expect you to stand tall.
They will collect your ballon and expect you to smile.
They will take your meals and expect you not to starve.
They will take your God and expect you to have faith.
And they will take your happiness and still expect a laughter.
Take your life and expect you to live.

That's what I am.
Like an art on a canvas.
Only just to be admired, nothing more.
Only pleasant to your eyes, when you saw fit.
My only existence was to satisfy your needs.
You could've at least looked at me with love in your eyes.
If You're going to cry wolf
You should mean it.
My anxiety became the only subject matter, and she gave me advices because you were never here.
I was only useful in a useless way.

I was useful in loving and supporting you.
But all of those were useless
Cause you still went back to her!

And she endured December.
Smiled for the new year.
Ate eggs for easter!
And waited for the rain.

So she could mix it with her dried up tears.
Happiness has become a distant memory.

For even the movie "joker" wouldn't play on her laptop!

"If the doves symbolize peace and calmness.
Women symbolize a perfect blend of complicated and simple natured."

After a while, she'll accept you on her own!
Put in those efforts though, you cannot make her not see you as other guys...
She'll choose that on her own, you'll never know the exact mode, and even when you do, you still might be wrong.
They want to be understood, but hate it when you understand all of them.
Let them feel vulnerable in your arms and hope that you're strong and caring enough to not let them break.
Women trust you even if they know you'll hurt them.
Well some.

Feelings of a dead man??
That's ironic.
Dead people don't feel.
But I'm alive, and i feel death.
Someone, anyone....
Please save me!

Dear Diary...
I've been having some days full of sleep and insomnia nights.

Today, this morning, i woke up feeling like death!
and when i finally opened my eyes,
i kinda wished that was it was.

I hope tomorrow i can wake up feeling like life,
so i wouldn't wake up to realize
it's Death.

I often think of the words Ellen Everett left behind.
"If you're looking for forever
I'll take the batteries out of my clock so that we'll be stuck inside this moment, as if time really stopped!
I would tell you I love every second, except here seconds do not exist! So I'll say ' I love you ' with each breath, each smile, with each kiss! And when I die you can crank your watch, restart the clocks, begin the time and know that we were infinite in the moment that you were mine...

A heart does not break
It just slowly fades away...
It fades everytime it hurts

However...
I've been waiting on a sign!
But it seems like i need a new prayer!!

Her eyes, look like dawn in a very bad mood.
Het smile takes the mind places the body wouldn't think existed.

Women can be a natural blend of crazy and an unnatural blend of warmth, but they mic so well.
"Look at her clothes, isn't it a bit too revealing??" Close your eyes then.
It's alright to stare, but when it becomes a stare with intent,
With lust...
With a judgemental glare!
That's the line, she's free to wear whatever and whenever!
Respect her body!!
Respect her personality under those clothes you think are coquettish on her.
Stay your away your fetish
By the way, why do you get to have a say??

Well...
It's not fair, and I know he's our maker, but it's not fair!
I'm jealous that he made you and saw you before me!
I'm jealous that you talk to God more than me!
I don't mean any blaspheming, but I want to be omnipresent to your eyes.
Through your eyes, you may see me as God!
I'm jealous that the first words you uttered weren't my name, you see I like how you call my name, how the letters roll down your tongue.
I'm jealous of myself for not seeing you nearly enough!
I'm jealous your mum spent more time with you before you existed!
I'm jealous that other men come up to you, I mean look at you!
Oh the sun rays, the brittle gentle touch of the wind on your skin, I'm even jealous that you touch your body more than I do!
I'm so jealous...

Like a raging tsunami that consistently hits asia.
They'll speak of it, till it fades.
Your fame, either the right or wrong way, will bring them to notice.
As long as it benefits e'm, they'll stick.
When it's for your sake, they'll make you sick.
It'll be like loving someone you hate.
They'll preach about how true friendship is.
Call you "love"
Like Romeo and Juliet...
But you know, Romeo and Juliet wasn't a love story.
And like this poem, it didn't end well.
People want to change, in fact, we do Change...
But others will never stop seeing you with the same eyes, that they saw you with in the past.
People will talk, no matter what!

Contempt was 'him'
In winter on an apocalyptic evening
When the sky bled crimson.
Emptiness was 'his' cold lips over mine,
It was like a rock song to a baby.
Feelings??
What are those??

I have gotten used to the hurt.

Yhur soft lips, spitting hard hurtful words.

But please, if yhu are going to cry wolf, then yhu should mean it.

Don't try to save yhur life by taking mine.

Yhu can't heal a scar with a bandage.

I should be fine...
I should be...
I should...
I.
...
.

It must have been the illuminating light from Lucifer's fall.
She radiated beauty
I don't think I'll need a radioactive detox.

A woman, such strong-fragile existences.
Passive to their stubborn nature although not all...
Doesn't give a man the right to impose or not respect their wishes.
If she gives her heart to you, do not arrest her with cardiac.
She should be treated like the sun when there's winter.
And like the sea breeze when it's summer.
Never neglect her feelings and opinion.
After all they brought us out the garden. They can do more!

If mood swings were someone, it'd be you.
I bet if forensics dust my heart, they'd find your prints.
In a song with the worse lyrics, I think of you... I think of how if you were mentioned in the song it would've sounded better.
I think of you when I see a night without starts.
I think to myself, "what if you were here, maybe the starts would come out"
I think of you when I see you, cause I want to see you ever time and all the you(s) that you hide under that smile.
Whenever I think about a smile, I picture yours
It spreads in my head like colors dancing on a canvas.
When I think of canvases I see your reflection.
When I think about reflections, I picture your silhouette living like a parasite in my memory.
When I reminisce about memories, all I see is our hands locked, and you separating them, just so you can come closer.
When I see people becoming closer, I wonder if we could become even closer than that.
That! That time where I was in my own world until you saw me, saw who I really am.
Am I still the one for you, I often wonder while yhu're on me...
And I'm under!

I'm certain now that I'm here
I haven't made a mistake, at least not one I'm aware!
Smart people don't fall in love, not really!
So call me stupid for trying to die with you...
I love you stupidly, I love you egotistically, I love you sentimentally.

If I should live, you'd have to be in it, if I live while you die, I'd be incomplete with a hole.
It'll sting and endlessly burn like brimstone and coal
So let me die with you, I'd rather be wholesome with you in death, than be empty in a life where you don't exist!

Let us complete each other in the absence of life!
I love you even in death
I love the way we'll die close to each other.

As she started to trace her steps...
She discovered that she was back on the same trail.
The one that led to her fall.
Well, now she's back where she started.
On the ground again.
And trying to fake a smile
Was like trying to heal a scar with a bandage.
She was a girl in passing...
She was a lady in limbo, and although other people see her.
She does not see them.
Even with her love for bright colors, she couldn't find the grey area in her pain.
Her love was lost!

Oh beautiful boy in denial...
Would you continue to hurt other girls??
Would you lie about your feelings??
Will you still put a smirk on your face, when she presses the cold razor blade on her skin, and watch it sink deep into her veins,
There as she bleeds out and think.
"I thought he was mine alone"
Call it stupid of her, but not everyone deals with hurt the right way.
Oh, there's no right way to deal with hurt.
Oh lover boy...
Would you continue to abuse the word
"Love"!?
How many girls will that lie confuse until you're satisfied.
Then your own daughter!!
What about her!??
When someone as good or worse than you come for her.
What would you say?? Will she make pain her friend, or will she use a sharp blade to meet her end??
What about your daughter?? What about her??

If i were to say...
That the interesting thing to me, right now.
Is the calling of the silver blade on the table in front of me.
Placing it on my skin and letting t go deep like hot knife on butter.
Let it help my veins loose a little,
And let me see the color i so love.
The color red!!
If i were to say that...
Would i be considered suicidal??

Often times than none, we mistake what the feeling is.
We try to put the unknown into words.
It could be a torrent, a tsunami about to hit Japan
Some sort of sacrifice, it could be a selfish act to preserve one's special somebody!
But it's present everywhere.
Love!!
So, should there be a need to tolerate
If loves is present??

Slowly the rumors, when talked about enough... Would start to be the truth.
The truth would try to prove itself, but would start sounding like a lie.
A lie whose value is dying, would start to work extra ******* itself...
Then instead of renovation, we'll keep breaking down this world.
It's messy and messed up

To the slight tingling sensation, opening my eyes to half the illumination of the sun rays, branching in, through the wine colored curtains.
He strokes my hair with a smile...
"Good morning"
In a familiar voice, yet still feels new to my ears.
The vibrato that makes my pores open up like a parched animal in heat.
I lay on his chest for a while, he strokes my tighs, and my muscles and nerves wakes up with the morning.
"How was your night"
Speechless i lay, trying to look for the silver lining of how this cliche scenery looks, but i still cannot get enough.
He gets off, with a Melanin glow, like his cologne never left.
His silhouette screaming out of the robe he has on, like it was tailored to fit.
He bends over, with breath like mint on summer... He says:
"Want a shower"?? And i wonder how i ended up here!
So i wake up to myself
Wet and alone.!

She was like a dimple...
Nature's beautiful deformity.
She was like a rose...
So much thorns Even Jesus wouldn't bare.
She was like a goddess...
But her gaze will petrify you like meduza!
Now she's like water...
I only expect to drown in her!

I want to go out...
Wish I had extra energy to hang out.
My comfort, my sweet bed
The softness that makes me forget I've got work to do.

I want to go out...
Hehe, go out to what??
Do you see the people out there??
There are out there so I can be in here
I do not belong with the "Extros"
I wonder how they feel when they go out of their comfort zone.
Nah, I don't, I don't even care how they feel.
I want to scream some days, but I'm too lazy to open my mouth and let sounds out, so I just... "Meh" the day away!

I want to go out...
I need me a vacation, a super occasion
One that takes away validation of an "intro"
But there are perverts out there, and they'll intrude in my "vert"
Why should I go out to meet the outside people when they won't come inside, I don't even want them inside.
I'm not confused, maybe just a little bit.
But please, don't call me out. I'll hate you 🙂
I wannnnnt to go out!
And so the days go by, and I've only gone out in my head.

It's nothing personal...
Yet! These days, i feel, like,
Love is a waste of time.

I am a place where all love comes...
To fail.
A place where all life come to die!
I am the poet, who never writes anything happy.
But my poems make me happy!
I am the place, where all happiness comes to an end!

Do you feel it too??
The love we had, that glitter
Our memories, in a wonder!
Now it just shakes and stutter.
Like rusty nails that were depraved from water.
We are together, but we fell apart a long time ago.
We are like two people, who didn't matter...
We are separate, with love that ran cold.
In love with each other, but in a different cluster!

my heart's been stolen, and not in the cliche way...
i'm pretty sure that if you run forensics they'll find foot prints leaving
they'll find your finger prints at the place my heart once laid.
your eyes are so beautiful that when i first saw them...
i felt how useless mine were, that i almost couldn't open them up
let me stare at you from afar
let me wonder how it would be like, for you to like someone like me
i know you've got a ton of people lining up to get your attention
but if after all your options are exhausted
and you feel like you need something new
then, please consider me!

I thought I was a child of the light.
But darkness feeds off of me!
It's meticulous, and meticulously contaminating what's left of the reflection... Reflection of the light I once possessed.
These days my demons are bored
They say every time they chase me...
I don't run!
I hope for nothing, I seek nothing!
So whenever I get drained by the darkness, I start to bleed words on a paper!

Gave mankind will.
But want us to still do your bidding.
Sometimes, in myself, i feel like I'm not myself.
Maybe the image of self, is a delusion of one's other self.
What if i was the alter ego, and it was the real self??
What if mankind wasn't created in the image of gods,
What if gods was formed out of the image of man??
They say gods are born out of wishes.
So, tell me. Who wished first.
Are we made for gods, or were they made for us??
Cause it feels like mine has abandoned me.
Or was it i, that abandoned him??

Most often times than none. We try to understand what a woman wants...
And endless, needless dedication of time, staring into an abyss who won't even look back.
The pride of the gender exudes so much temptation, that's blocked only by their self esteem!
A woman, a fine blend of all things pure in an onholy manner.
The help "meet", who only meets you at the point of her own need, but is there for you regardless.
Now their complications wear a silhouette and pose for a camera with dead batteries.
A woman wears no original scent.
Only the one she thinks suits the occasion.
A woman, a mixture of all things petty and a cluster-****, to bring out a goddess or light.
They're both the sickness and the medicine.
Depends on their mood!

Was there ever a time when you felt like you needed to get away?
When you were left alone in your head?
Where you kept feeling like the world was against you.
Sending you trials and tribulations, making your efforts, effortless.
Depression pressing on you, like a compressed load of oppressed dialogues, without a single sense in it?

Take all of those!
I think... No! I feel all of those now.
But I cannot tell it to the world.
They'll think that I'm a girl in my head!

I want to be with you, but being without you is sweeter!
On the eve of an almost ended November, you placed your lips on mine, and suddenly we began to make overlaps and wetness filled the scenery.
Your heartbeats, so fast it felt like  background music!
Your eyes, said "our last kiss"
It was tasteless 'the kiss'
Our love life filled with life and vigor,
It was loveless... Not knowing who loved less!
On a sunny sunday, where there was no sun!
You shone, and suddenly my butterflies grew wings.
Like ikaris they flew too close to the sun.
Suddenly you left!
And now the birds don't sing anymore, the rivers became as still as a lake.
The sun refused to cry sweet heat of hotness hitting *****.
Since you left, i started to leave my life
Suddenly!!

He has a smile...
That will steal yhur soul Away.
A Heart that only beats to her voice!
But she has words that tears his heart apart.
And leaves stains of hurt.

I will light you a candle, each time you say, you care.
And i will mourn those words.
I have sugarcoated my pain, with droplets of virtual honey.
Now your hurtful words taste like caramel on a lonely night.
I pray you feel as miserable as you thought, you've made me feel.
Loneliness, is not spelling the words right, with blurry eyes from a damp sheet, filled with leftover tears!
I am a woman, in need of love, attention and sometimes, petty things.
I'm not perfect, but i try!
I'm strong on some days...
But i cry!
And if there was a next life, I'd like to not exist!

I'm sure breakfast in bed sounds nice.
Morning pecks and cold night cuddles, intense romance, and getting caught in moments, that leaves you breathless.
Hand gestures and french kisses.
Unending conversations, talking even about things that didn't matter.
Going on dates and even hitting on the Waiter.
So much love in the air that you caught all.
But then, please look away.
Take walks in a lonely hall.
You can't possibly have all those.
You're single!!
Just keep scrolling...

wheww...
"How are you today??, or everyday"
would it be alright if i gave the usual answer??
"hmm??"
i am pretending to be fine...
"pretending?? why though??"
these days, i feel like a stagnant water
i feel like i'm lost at a road filled with many paths to take
"oh my, that's a dilemma"
"hmmm. but why not pick one path to take??"
what if i fail again? what if it's the wrong one??
"but what if it's the right one"
all the roads on those paths lead right back to me, the start point
i want to cry, i want to scream
i want to say how i feel
but there's no audience!!
"try talking to me then"
to us?
"your demons aren't always out to get you, most times, we want company too!"
but i have the demons from other people too!
"oh, those guys??"
"we'll accommodate them too, just talk"
...
i want to be loved!

I often wonder what it would be like, to not be me, but observing "me"
From my own point if view.

So in the beginning, there was me!
And i grew two more personalities, but those personalities evolved into other personalities with an alter ego.
Which created other personalities.
Decision making has been an ordeal and trying to figure out which one came first was the issue.
All of them grew into demons, no Angels, just demons.
If i ever want to send a note to myself(s)
I'd say : "shut the **** up"

Hello!!
Darkness, my old roommate
It's been, what seems like decades
It was only yesterday, that i moved out into the ***** of light... She was warm and kind, and soft, so soft...
Too soft, it felt unfamiliar.
So I've come back with my tail tucked between my thighs, thighs trembling as how awful i feel, cheating on you.
You're cold, but you are comfort
I thought that warmth was good, until it became to hot to bare.
I thought that hope was sweet until i got diabetes.
I've missed despair, and while people who haven't gone through it would think it bad.
It's better than the devil i do not know.
In light i could see, see all my flaws, but under you i could hide who i really am, from the world.
You are comfort, and this may seem depressing, but I've come back.
To fade into you, and allow nothingness caress my soft-warm heart into a cold one.
Because there were a lot of people who broke me into pieces showing me warmth, at least, I'm myself when I'm in you.
I realized, light isn't meant for everyone.