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 Sep 2018 Dev
Poetoftheway
,how do you know when
(a human is too broken?)




<•>

human too broken?

like the light bulb, removal from its fixture, a simple shaking revelation of the tinkling filament spent, something that cannot be repaired, the only option is replacement and that makes
you cry

the empty box of oatmeal raisin cookies, you find secret’d,
hid by you, not to be found by you
at the bottom of the kitchen garbage,
but box betrayal, by the chartreuse tipped box lid sided
peeking upwards, asking, silencing screaming,
what did I do to deserve
this degrading

like the blouse now too tight that it brings stares as the buttons strain, unwelcome attention unintended,
you know it but still pretend not to see,
for you both once loved that silky guise that so
heightened the high tender, the match of your pink rose skin letting, no! making
your eyes glisten, like broken filament glass, on the sidewalk,
recalling the pleasured admiration,
rain remembered from the
prior priority of a life consisting of only
perfect gifts

so mean revert to the poseur question; this is how...

remove the human from a fixed place, whimpering-threatened,
you may hear clear the crackle cackling  of the innard shards against the misperception of a body intact,
even if you do,
no repair service you want,  can be found, see it nowhere,
is it even
anywhere advertised?

the body presumed intact is secret’d under a tactile coverlet,
holey scupperrd holy cuttered
so that the cells and bicuspids, the threads
no longer function in a tandem,
you keep it in the closet closed,
in the back, deep hid, where,
when it screams why,
it can be safe ignored,
because  ‘betrayed’ is no longer a word,
in your globe's dictionary,
the parental controls activated by you to
save your own inner child’s unconstrained confusion,
it has been removed


so the broken glass, the clothes you dressed each other,
if not weep-well,
well enough hid,
the fit is off,
the fit is off,
the coverlet ripped so bad and neither cares
an unexpected poem, unplanned, needing work
aug 4-5
 Sep 2018 Dev
Dani
My momma taught me to be early at the airport
She taught me how to prepare for court
How to dress for an interview
And to pay bills before they’re due
I learned a lot from her
The list goes on for sure
How to throw a punch
And to always pack a lunch
Organize and keep your stuff clean
Carry with you anything you might need
My momma taught me to have passion
Also when to fold and cash in
Good things here and there
Small bits when she was able to care
Most importantly though
I learned emotions not to show
How to care for a grown adult
And how to hide emotional assault
How to duck under an object thrown
I learned to grow up on my own
She taught me much and taught me well
How to let go of heaven and live in hell
To follow all her commands
To believe her words and mental scams
My momma taught me to go numb
God forbid I let my anger come
I had to let words fly by and disappear
Bite my tongue and always stay clear
Of the things thrown or words yelled
I couldn’t be me so my feelings I shelled
Closed up and shut down, I bow
My momma taught me how

I am grateful for what I’ve learned
To let go of everything I yearned
Nothing for me, myself, or I
I crave attention now, I wonder why?
I am searching to be a Queen
Not to rule, I just want to be seen
Look at me and what I can do
See me, hear me and I’ll show you
What I know and how I learned
Understand me for I have yearned
To be supported and guided through
If only back then a way out I knew
If only I had gotten out before
A successful life I could adore
A peaceful mind without scare
I could actually feel and care
Instead I am numb and closed down
I am being held until I drowne
Suffocated by my past
Pain that continues to last
Through adulthood and life
It affects me now a mom and wife
I am broken because of you
Because of everything I learned to do
I had to let words fly by and disappear
Bite my tongue and always stay clear
Of the things thrown or words yelled
I couldn’t be me so my feelings I shelled
Closed up and shut down, I bow
Because my momma taught me how
 Sep 2018 Dev
Nyx
They say
if you fold a thousand paper stars
It'll make your wish come true
But it seems no matter
How many I fold
I'm still unable to be beside you

I'll fold them gently
Full of colors so bright
Softly and patiently
Till they are perfect and right

I wish and I hope
With all of my might
Though its seemed I'm lost
Within the dark of the night

Lucky stars
Made from paper
Strips with written meanings
Delicately placed within a glass bottle
Filled with my heartfelt feelings

Folding and bending
Changing the paper at will
To form a fragile little star
Let this small insignificant thing
Give me reason to move on
Allow it to give me faith to believe
To believe in this delusional dream
There is a myth that if you fold a thousand lucky stars it'll make your wish come true
 Sep 2018 Dev
Nyx
Its hard to stop and smell the flowers
When the sun in the sky don't shine
 Sep 2018 Dev
Nyx
Its clouded within my mind
foggy and dimly lit
As if I'm floating on a cloud
Or sinking into the sea
As if everything around me is meaningless
Passing me by without a seconds glance
Surrounded by faces laughing with glee
Muted voices and blurry sences
I'm watching it from a silver screen
I raise my hand to reach out
To feel the warm of an affectionate touch
Gracing the faces my hand goes straight through
Like rippled water its cold and cool
Emotionless expressions and tightly pursed lips
All in dark colours, greys and blues
Its a hopeless feeling of being so lost
What can I do except sit back and watch
Doors wide open there is no lock and key
There is only this reflection sitting besides me
Holding my hand, boney and thin
He whispers to me with a raspy voice
Tell me dear what is your true sin
To which i reply
I'm unwilling to let people in
A barrier between them
Keeping them at 10 feet
Empty glass eyes gazing at the screen
I don't have the time, to sit there and weep
To which i suppose is why I stay here with you

A malicious grin stretched across his face
Dark Blue orbs filled with a sadistic appeal
To which i find comfort within them I yield
Then stay with me behind the curtains of the show
Because surely by now you realize
I'm never letting you go


I know.

#
 Sep 2018 Dev
Nyx

Don't be fooled

By the smile that seems graced by the sun
The aurora around her glow with radiance and flare
Behind it she hides lies that will send you on the run
She's cunning, malevolent and bitter
She will not be outdone

Don't be fooled

She's warm and kind
Loving and affectionate
She walks on broken glass
Till her feet begin to bleed
She'll hold back the tears as the pain kicks in
But look within her eyes and they are as deadly as sin

Don't be fooled

She plays games with your mind
What's the truth? What's the lie?
Nobody knows the reality
As she is especially sly
Is she putting on an act
Await those to fall in
Or she simple alone
Faking that diabolical grin

Don't be fooled

Her reality is different from you and I
Mind a scatter, broke pieces they lay
Destroyed by self or others
We'll never know
As this place is secured away
Like the land underneath the snow

Don't be fooled

Warm hands and cold hearts
Wreak havoc together
Destined to heal others while tearing them apart
love her, hate her and everything inbetween
She will find your stitching and undo each and every seam

Don't be fooled

Each line holds some truths and fair few lies
But the talent of distinguish which is which
I've seen many people who have tried
The truth is that not even she knows herself
So how is it possible for anybody else to know her true self

Don't be fooled

I can hear her voice quietly
whispers falling to deaf ears
You are a fool
but there is nobody here
 Sep 2018 Dev
Nyx
You were....
 Sep 2018 Dev
Nyx

You were
Poison coursing my veins
Rope around my neck
A Bullet to my brain
Leaving me in a wreak

You were a
Cold blade to my wrist
A sweet gentle kiss
Hard hitting fists
Bruises were hard to miss

You were
Sunrise at dawn
Fresh flowers in spring
Stars glistening in the sky
A beautiful diamond ring

You were all these things and more
Everything I desired
Your beauty was intoxicating
A deadly taste I had acquired

I miss you

I know I'm better off without you
As your love was killing me slowly
Though I reminisce of that ever so sweet venom
That drew me in so closely.
 Sep 2018 Dev
Nyx
To be honest
I'm happy
I'm content with my life
I wouldn't change a thing
From the past to the present
All the people I loved
I'll never regret
And all the things that I've done
Even the things that leave holes in my chest
To all the mistakes I've made
And to all the people I've hurt
Each thing made me who I am
All the love and the pain
I wish for nothing more
Except for everything to stay in its place
But even when things stay
They still ever so slightly change
Changing in colour, in feeling and shape
To wish for the inevitable
That is part of my fate
There is no stopping time
I know this one well
But it still won't stop me hoping
Upon it I'll eternally dwell
To all the people in my life
And all those gone
I loved each moment spent with you
From the dusk to the dawn
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