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Feb 2023 · 211
Dissociation
Darcy Lynn Feb 2023
Always chasing something
Never fully someone
A clock with changing faces
Wonders who the **** am I?
Jan 2023 · 354
God’s Chosen
Darcy Lynn Jan 2023
The boys who stole my innocence
On Facebook funded mission trips,
A worship leader in the church
That guitarist’s fingers strummed me first.

And not even til like his third or fourth try,
But, you know what? It’s cool, I hear he’s actually a really great guy.
I only resisted two or three times,
Said, “men are too visual, can’t interpret your signs.”

Besides, he’s God’s chosen, a man set apart in his time—
(But I say of men anointed, very few will rise.)

No hymnals for worship, this churchboy’s lips sang of me
Instead of the Gospel he was spreading my knees
Lies like ether, no sweeter wool for my eyes
Wet toothed and vile, shameless in his guise.

He says Jesus saved him; who was there to save me?
Perdition for a seductress—they call it PTSD.
And when his lips brush heaven, God will taste me;
My trauma at least, will have immortality.
Jan 2023 · 2.0k
Litany to Girlhood
Darcy Lynn Jan 2023
the first time i felt like a woman
the ends of my fingers polished, lashes crusted to the sky, and sticky gloss that glued my mouth shut,
cotton bullets on strings in cardboard casings and demonstrations of crushed
flower petals—feminine virtue
defined by the presence of a *****

the first time i felt like a woman
fingers curling around the rubber fetus in
my pocket, nine year old hand
pressed to my nine year old womb, as
my classmate’s mother, donning culottes
and the armor of God, issued
Psalm 139 bookmarks to the class

the first time i felt like a woman
the stain of Life, wine dark and blooming
across my blue Fruit of the Loom’s
during fifth grade band class, at home
my mother demanding to know why i didn’t tell her of my first period, she asks if
i am a compulsive liar and leaves the
Wal-Mart bag in my room, unaware she
bought me the wrong bra size

the first time i felt like a woman
my first love said “I’m not putting it away until you touch it” and i hear his voice
when i check for ankle slashers
under my car before i climb in

the first time i felt like a woman
in tenth grade the chapel speaker’s mouth saying “the most precious thing a woman can give to a man is her body” to a room full of teenagers, i wonder if
my future husband sits among us,
and if he wonders what i look like naked

the first time i felt like a Woman,
my girlhood had to die.
Darcy Lynn Jan 2023
There in the field she came to me,
The last of the silver honeybees.
I could see the years worn in her face,
Lost in the dark, one foot in the grave.

She held the ache behind her eyes,
So young to have her throat closed tight.
Poor girl, an orphan, with ribs of steel
Bone cage laced too tight to feel.

Then came the lonesome cosmonaut,
Betwixt the stars, those years he lost;
A nomad’s tale, nor here nor there
Too high up to come down for air.

Celestial darlings, they go round and round,
Dysphoric we hasten the final burnout:
From birth to evanesce, the hedons expire
Would love rot my teeth for afflictions less dire?

Last came the poet, out from the gloam
******* on pennies, and ink soaked through bones.
She gathered her strength and fell from the sky
While friends in high places twinkled goodbye.
Dec 2022 · 3.3k
Anecdotal Evidence
Darcy Lynn Dec 2022
Now here you come again to fetch me from the sea,
Ballast in my bones, this girl was born to sink;
A cautionary tale, I slip between the wood,
Limbs whittled thin and feet stained with soot.

But never-mind the waif; she waxes so pale
Drunk on dejection, I ponder the veil
Leaden and listless, for the sirens will sing:
Amaranthine is the color I bleed for the sea.

So I’ll spit out my sorrows wherever they listen,
Pumped me with pills and said that they fixed it.
The darlings have died off; the dolls are all broken,
Just left is me, thin-skinned and soft spoken.

And I’d rather lick knives than chew on love’s gristle,
Like a dog on a chain, I’d run when you whistle.
Far from it now, yet lost in the maze:
Chasing ways out for the rest of my daze.
Darcy Lynn Feb 2022
They eye me the way I once
did you, reminders of red wines paired
with seared cuts,
sugared plums, spiced ***,
and saccharine frosting
whipped to delicate peaks.

They are stringy and shiny
with bulging green bellies and
for a moment I imagine them
bursting free from their pods and
spilling into the aisle—shining like
wet eggs under the fluorescent lights.

White-knuckling the cart and chin just
high enough to gaze at the produce
from the corner of my eye, I push
past, I push on, I push away from

You know I can see you watching me,
you’d said that night when I tried the same
move on you, voice like a snake
and mouth red with merlot
you moved to me and you whispered
your song; eyelids flitting like moon
dusted moth wings, and guilty, wet
heartbeats blooming across our faces—

In another aisle now I release
my breath. Ribs unfurl like sails and
nothing ever happened.

I never called you back.
Symphonic excursions and gourmet
paranoia ceased, and as time moved on,
so did I.

But I will never cook with fava beans again.
For my poetry class, the assignment was to write a persona poem. This is a piece from the point of view of Martha Stewart regarding her short-lived relationship with Sir Anthony Hopkins. She left him because she could not separate him from his role as Hannibal Lecter.
Jan 2019 · 843
Promises
Darcy Lynn Jan 2019
I am sinking to
Where the moon drips
From frosted lips, frothing with
Syrupy sweet lies
One sticky spoonful at a time
Aug 2018 · 610
Cadence of the Arachnids
Darcy Lynn Aug 2018
My brain is a graveyard
Where cobwebs collect
Through gyri and sulci
The harvestmen tread

The widows float down
Painted black and red
Armed with venom
And needle and thread

They sing as they spin
A chanty of doubt
Stuffing my skull
Til ghosts leak out

And when they have
All had their say
And my spine grows centipede legs
And crawls away

I sink sink sink
Into the ground
And even the arachnids
Cannot draw me out.
Aug 2018 · 988
Twenty Minutes
Darcy Lynn Aug 2018
Yellow lit talks
Beside a borrowed car
Empty parking lot
Underneath the stars

Three feet apart
We mindlessly converse
About nothing and everything
Prolix and terse

You render me breathless
My ghost lungs deflate
You exhale the stars
And I respirate

I am so tense
With minutes too swift
Too late; you’re gone
My hands must have slipped
Aug 2018 · 403
Eyes
Darcy Lynn Aug 2018
Oh, you sorry fool
You've cut your fingers
Plucking on heartstrings again.
When will you learn?
Souls like his
Were not meant for
Souls like yours.
He will live his whole entire life
And not once
Think twice about the color of your eyes.
Jun 2018 · 1.1k
Narcolepsy: A Rant
Darcy Lynn Jun 2018
“I am tired,”
I say

You ask if I was up late
Last night

And instead of telling you about
My hypocretin levels I nod
And laugh and say
“Something like that.”

“What, are you tired?”
My coach asks

He thinks he is
Trying to motivate me
But he does not know
That my very existence is
Bone crushingly exhausting
And yes,
I am tired
But I wouldn’t expect him
To understand
So I say nothing

When I say I have narcolepsy
And you say
“Must be nice, being able
To fall asleep anywhere,”
I have never related
To Ted Bundy more in
My entire life

You suggest I stop
Drinking coffee

I suggest you stop breathing

Teachers talk about the
Impact of sleep on
Mental health and
I think
Maybe that’s why
I’m always depressed

My doctor suggests I stop
Drinking coffee too
I am a little worried now

I google
“Caffeine related heart attacks
In teens”

My findings are not enough to
Convince me and besides,
A hospital visit
Is just an opportune moment
For a nap
Darcy Lynn May 2018
Grabbing fat that isn’t there,
Dulling eyes
And thinning hair

Peeling skin and bones that ache
Drying mouth
And “bathroom breaks”

Waking up to stomach rumbles
Stagnant breath
And steps that tumble

Dreams of food and calories
Diet pills
And longer sleeves

Endless nights and skin that chills
Never eating
To feed what kills

Being skinny has the price
Of six feet down
And three feet wide
I wrote this when I was 12
May 2018 · 27.9k
The Art of Being Okay
Darcy Lynn May 2018
I am adept
In the art of being okay
I have mastered the craft
Of covering my troubles
I use all sorts of fancy facades
Acrylic, oil, watercolor
You name it.

I can paint over nearly anything

You will never know
How late I was up last night
Or why.

My eyes flicker
Like candlelight
But you couldn’t see
You couldn’t possibly see
I’m too good
For that.

I can dance, too
Waltzing away my sorrows
Carefully tip toe-ing the
Pas-de-I-am-fine
I get a standing ovation every time

I’m very talented, you see.

But my all time favorite
Is my disappearing act
I’m still perfecting it
Right now
But one of these days
I’ll show you
How I
Slip
Slip
Slip
Away

Right through your fingers.
May 2018 · 633
Homecoming: A Memory
Darcy Lynn May 2018
My first time at a High School Dance
I went alone.
Me, the new girl at the high school who
Hadn't quite found her sea legs yet
Who slipped behind
Forgotten, as the crew sailed through
Hallways and lunch lines
Always stuck on the outside,
Looking in.
I went alone,
But someone did ask me.
A boy in the Junior class
Who was missing a forearm
Asked me if I'd like to be his date.
I said “yes”
But he warned me he might skip
The dance entirely and
Go to Worlds of Fun instead.
I didn't care,
I was ecstatic someone
Had finally asked me, or
Even noticed me
At all.
At the end of the day
He walked me to the front
Doors where my
Mom was waiting to pick me up. I wasn’t
Sure if he liked me, or if he just was
Being nice. He never did ask me
For my phone number, so I assumed he
Was merely being nice.
The night of the dance came,
And we had not discussed any details
Or even spoken to one another since.
So I assumed he would be riding roller coasters
Rather than slow dancing with me.
I didn't blame him, really. I wasn't hot stuff and
Neither were Christian high school dances.
At the dance, I tried to enjoy myself
But I felt so out of place
Surrounded by people
Who had known each other their entire lives.
I was a sea monster,
Begging to be taken aboard
As they readied their harpoons.
The night dragged on, and the music grew louder
And I sunk lower and lower.
It occurred to me that the pit of pulsating teenagers
Might swallow me
And I'd disappear once and for all
So I pulled off my heels and sat
On the stage at the front of the room.
I could feel the beat of the music
Bounce around the inside of my rib cage.
The room seemed to grow bigger
And I felt smaller.
Like a faint wave lost in
A sea of bodies
Going whichever way the current pulled them.
And while I sat there on the stage by myself
In my fluffy green homecoming dress,
Watching people I didn't really know dance
I realized it was possible
To feel alone in a room flooded with people.
So I shut my eyes,
Watertight portholes to the soul,
And let myself drift off at sea.

— The End —