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Carmella Rose Jul 2018
when anger turns to pure tears
it’s because we’re all drowning
shallow or deep
we’ve been there
in the feeling of always dying
everyday i kept smiling
kept doing good
but all i feel is sadness

it feels right and wrong at the same time
i couldn’t explain the feeling i was experiencing
from drought to abundance of water
when could i feel free
when could i see a peaceful sunset
or even a sunlight shining on my face

i wish we could go back
when we were young
when everything didn’t matter
when time wasn’t a waste because we have is forever
now it all changed

i kept putting on a mask
just to be up on all the expactions you put me
i kept changing myself
just to fit in
i kept running away from the truth
that could set me free
i fell in love with the lies of my reflection
were all i see is depression

i hate to say i’m weak infront of the swarm
i face everyday
cause i’m afraid i’ll never be enough
so i cry myself to sleep
wake up the next morning feeling like lost

every scar in my arm,
every pills that i took,
every pain that i’ve felt,
every sad songs that i’ve listened to,
every screams unheard
i conquered it, because i kept going
even there is no direction of where i’m heading
even if the pavements were dark
even if i see no hope
I know it’s hard, but just keep on hanging on, the devil works hard at bringing us down but we have ourselves to be our angel.
Carmella Rose Jun 2018
i tried numbing the pain,
i tried writing it on a paper,
i made it my strength

but how come i always felt weak?
i wanna become happier,
but all i receive is hell

yesterday, today, tomorrow
will i ever be happy?
will i hear the birds singing?
or will i even see broad daylight

sun light on my skin?
the little maps on my face
the trace of my arts in my arm
the lovely eyes of mine

will i ever learn to see a new world
or even see how beautiful i really am
inside,
i wanna know the answers to all my questions when i can’t sleep in the middle of the night, please answer me my dear fate.
Carmella Rose Jun 2018
i swear i was so confused
i couldn’t write a single bit of me
“who am i?” i asked
what is the purpose of me?
i struggled writing an essay about it
i can remember memories
our times, smiles and tears
but really what was i?

writing made me realise
i was too lost to remember
who i am
who was i
i could’ve sworn
that i knew the details
of your freckles
the alignment of your moles
the shade of your skin
your thick brows

but when you went away
i didn’t realise
that i wasn’t me when i’m with you
i’m a total stranger to myself
i am the only one struggling
with my identity

more than less
winter passed by in a blink
and everytime in my nightmares
you were there
i kept waking up missing you

you created me
you made myself
how i acted
or even how i talk

but i love you even more
even if it hurts.
i swear this boy changed me, no he made me, i felt good about it, but anyways it hurts so bad to miss him but everyday i kept loving him more.
Carmella Rose Jun 2018
why’d i stop celebrating?
or even blowing candles?
or hoping that people would say sweet words
on the day that i was born

it was too toxic for me
too much people smiling
when they only want to eat the food
in my feast
and leave without
saying a word

gifts too genuine and expensive
but do they make me happy?
no cause money
is false hope of happiness

i tried to smile
for everyone stay strong
but why did everyone changed
as my age differs a single digit

i miss the old parties were
i could only be laughing
full of joy
but now it is full of
lies, my laughs
that you hear
are very pretentious
people change, as time passes by, and i’m left alone with the memories of the past, when i was the happiest now i am the saddest , yesterday i turned 15 and i felt too lonely that i couldn’t take it, so i took a slice of the cake and ate it with the stars that can’t be seen in a rainy night.
Carmella Rose Jun 2018
i saw a morsel of the truth in our universe
today is such a tiring day, i thought
that when i get used to seeing everything
it will be easy, no, it was harder
the longer the time passes by

i’d love to see all the vibrant colors of the rainbow
but whenever i looked up, i just saw a morose sky
i’ve met anger, sadness, and pain all at once
i hoped to see happiness on this voyage of mine
so i laid back at the green grass
watching the flowers wither
and sun go down the ends of earth
i waited from different seasons
seeing how everything changed
from snow to water dripping on
the leaves of years old trees

as the daylight went down,
our dear moon went up unraveling
the true beauty of darkness with sparkling stars
the moon shines better at dim
but it looked sad somehow
in pain as she glows from above

i kept thinking why?
no one knows, will i ever know?
probably not.

and just like the moon
we, people
art of god
has a little secret
a pain
that no one can know
even it hurts
the most
I’d love to tell you the raw self of me, but it was too much for me so I stayed quiet, and mourn about it by myself, cause no one will ever understand the pain, i don’t need you to understand me, just be with me and I’ll be fine.
Carmella Rose May 2018
as i looked at the mirror
i asked who are you?
nothing replied
it’s just me
too different
i can’t remember
the times where i recognize myself
i put on too much
mask for everyone
i kept listening to the same old music
i opened a door in my mind
cameras are flashing
on my eyes
i didn’t find someone
i just found myself
alone in darkness
where i could feel
everyone is watching
expecting me to create fire
when i only breathe ice
i thought if i pretended
that i was not a fool
and get up to
their expectations
i would be happy
but i didn’t i just caused
the real me to be lost
in paradise of hell
where the crowd is the judge
and you’re a contestant,
but they didn’t know
fools eventually
change the
world
life is a game, please be true, love yourself more you deserve all the love in this world, be a fool in a world full of critics.
Carmella Rose Apr 2018
she said ‘what if i fall?’
he said ‘darling what if you fly?’
‘no i’ll always fall for you’
i hope you’ll always be here to catch me
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