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NJ Brown Jun 2018
Never good...
They're all heavy dreamers, spewing out promises like its a fvckin rap verse
and when it's time to pull through, excuses are their favourite hooks..
Struggling artists never wake up, they stay stuck and damage you with a glue gun in the process,
hard part is you always think that you're in love and you always go back, it's like abuse.
This all about my relationship experience with " artists" nothing more, nothing less
NJ Brown May 2018
I miss her too you know?
The girl I used to be
She's been gone,
Hibernating from this ice cold earth
They don't deserve any of what she's worth
As frostbite teased the very tips of her heart,
in pain
Her only fear was that she may never feel again
As the tears traveled down my cheeks, with the inability to speak
I know that I have failed her
All that I had once felt has turned into the nothingness he felt
He'd judged her, for loving love
It is the shallow emptiness of the walls my fingers fill, desolate of emotion
It is not my own, but those of the people whose juices I thought would colour my world
Re inviting the old me in.
Unable I was to discover my old self
But still solace is found
For from fire She will return
As recent tears are dried before escaping the ducts
I am warm
Even at a distance from the winter sun
I am warm
Because a Phoenix Unconquered is the old me
I was recently, verbally harassed for being Bisexual, and it being my first encounter, I shunned myself for being who I really am, while trying to recover, I tend to forget that I need the "me" that I pushed aside to be completely okay with who I am
NJ Brown Apr 2018
Your eyes became the marble floors
Your smile the French doors
Your voice the welcoming tone
When your arms wrap around me
I feel at Home
NJ Brown Jan 2018
Resolutions,  what is the purpose? There are a number of people who asked this
Follow the trends of society and fictionalise the way you see yourself
All because you believe that the way they see you is good for your health
Their praise is prejudice and unnecessary
Don't be weary, speak life into your necessities
Make your life infinite
Have infinite love
Experience infinite joy
Live in infinite peace
See yourself through infinite success
Grab hold of the infinite possibilities
Speak infinite positivity
Work toward infinite wisdom
Feel infinite freedom
Have infinite faith
Accept infinite blessings
You are in control of becoming the infinite being.
NJ Brown Dec 2017
I'm all set but still I wander around as if I don't belong, I don't know what it may be but even if my aesthetics draw attention, I could never physically keep it. I don't do much to keep up my appearance because I'm undesirable in any case. I hold the broken in close regard, but I don't love the way I supposed to. I'm attracted to the damaged but it hurts when I can't approach it.
Is there truly a pain and displeasure in loneliness or am I just a wreck, seeking attention in all the wrong directions? I have no love for the clinging desire to be wanted but it aches to be pushed aside. If the computer screen is the only place I feel a spark, why is it that I'm always looking for a ****** presence that may never come in the dark.
I despise picking up shattered pieces from the ground because I know the truth is that the love I seek is not within these dangerous encounters. Maybe the broken are all one magnetic field of which we cannot guarantee any escape and I've been bleeding out so I've been neglected now.  Loneliness is the epitome of damage and I'll never get out.
  Nov 2017 NJ Brown
alex
when a boy shows you his hands
bare except for the dust
he’s begging you to look past
take them in yours.
squeeze them once.
twice.
say without speaking
that you understand that the valleys
in his palms were meant to cradle
shooting star wishes
that he’s allowed to still hope for.
when a boy shows you his eyes
of milk and crimson and melanin
a bloodshot vein for every night he can’t sleep
let him shut his eyelids.
say without speaking
that you understand that the black hole pinpricks
of his irises hold more than the universe
should allow.
when a boy shows you his soul
shivering but still working toward friction
iced over but still working toward melting
let him come to rest next to yours.
say without speaking
that you understand that he is lonely
and that his silence speaks volumes
and that you kept his treasure close
because you love him.
when a boy shows you his hands
show him your hands.
when a boy shows you his eyes
show him your eyes.
when a boy shows you his soul
show him that
this is a comfortable place to rest it.
when a boy shows you the hardness that shaped him
show him the softness
that you have in store.
k
NJ Brown Nov 2017
Maybe it's just because we're on equal ground or you understand the pain and misery I've been through?
I don't understand how it works, but it's been years since I first met you and we've built a pinnacle of trust and I question is it worth it all,but I can't help but admit that you've initiated my constant falling
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