I'm sorry for my hair
and I'm sorry for my nails.
I'm sorry for my cheekbones and my eyebags (oh so frail)
I'm sorry if I was too loud,
Or if I was too quiet.
I'm sorry for my stomach, will it be better if I diet?
And oh I'm sorry for saying sorry
And I am sorry for thinking too much... too little or too less
I'm sorry I'm such a mess.
I am sorry if I pick, if I scratch or if I bite.
I'm sorry for wearing heels, was I too short, was my dress too tight?
After all, I'm just a woman,
Saying sorry is just my job.
Because if I don't apologise for breathing,
Then I must be a snob.

I sit in stillness,
My soul scrapping at my skin trying to break through.
No matter the self care or the nourishment I feed my soul,
It still resides.
My flesh just a blanket for what lies within.
I sweat,
I eat,
I smoke,
But I will never be able to escape the forever sugar rush.

For we see with our eyes
And hear with our ears,
But have a choice to feel with our minds
Or our hearts.

And so I observed as my leg began to shake in the comfort of my own bed, and the chewing of my cheek in the shower became more noticeable. I had finally realised it was back

And for the essence of sadness and love remember to recall the memories that made you feel like time was standing still,
But that you should have kissed them longer.

Sometimes goodbyes are the best thing that can be said,
we end much suffering from one word that changes the aspect of one's humanity.

The bond of a relationship changes people,
for the better or for the worse.
To some,
it is blinding and to others,
it allows them to see life's colours more than before.
We crave the numbness to reality and the infatuation of love,
but change is inevitable and we don't like change.
The fear of something new but the tranquillity of a fresh stage beginning.
When all of this happens we feel the emotions slipping through our fingers,
unable to grasp onto the familiarity of control.
But just remember that what will be will be,
they might love you now but now is not forever.
Don't thrive in comfort thrive in anticipation,
waiting for the old to leave and then new to come flowing in.

I thought that we would be together forever,
How naive of me.
To put so much faith and trust into someone not capable of holding that weight.
I saw it in your eyes the first day we met,
The pain and the suffering that you had gone through,
I thought I could fix you.
I thought that everyone who was broken could be mended once again,
But I was wrong.
When someone's heart is shattered into a million pieces even the strongest of people can't glue it back together.
I should have listened when you told me the disappointment that had been caused by him and the pain he had caused others,
But I didn't.
So now when I think about you I'll reminisce on the times you believed in your self,
Those very few times when you could look in the mirror and see more than a failure.
I'm sorry I couldn't fix you,
I'm sorry that I tried so hard,
But you are broken.

I think we thrive off denial.
Not taking the blame,
Thinking it was some other reason, ‘It was definitely not love’.
Or was it?
Were the kisses and hugs real?
Or was it just ***?
No, I think it was love.
We shouldn’t blame the sorrow we feel on excuses.
You can love someone and not be meant for them.
‘Yes I loved him, but we were not made for each others happiness’.

We look at each other,
Eyes meet each other's souls,
Not saying anything but speaking louder than ever before.
“Why do you love me?” I say,
Tears flooding down my cheek.
“Because love is inevitable.”,
It was then I realised being stuck in this labyrinth of love,
Is worse than being trapped in my mind.

I am in love.
I say with confidence, no shame to be thought.
A young love, full of passion and warmth, heating me during the blizzard.
I am in love.
People will think and say what they please. About how love isn’t real,
How I am too young to know,
But I will always stand strong.
Looking at them with a smile, pitting how sad they must be to think that love,
Is just a cold myth.

I am in love with an alien.
Something not earthly,
Sent down from Mars,
To capture my soul.
You have it.

I stare, not able to look away,
Glued to the small circle.
"What?" he asks,
"Nothing" I reply., "Your eyes are just beautiful."
Now there is much more I can say,
How my whole life I have been waiting for those eyes,
How nothing but your soul makes me happier than they do.
Or how all eyes now seem dull and lifeless, except yours.
They're mot blue or colour but an emotion of love and sadness.
"Your eyes are blue" I whisper.

For death,
I'm not scared.
Take me in your hands where the air is still and peaceful,
I am not afraid.

He looked at me,
The way the sky looks at the rain,
Waiting for patiently for the relief.
Hands intertwining around my waist like vines,
Every touch felt.
Warm lips pressed against mine that has been worn.
Heal them I say as if they have been broken so many times before.
I love you,
I love you.

Maybe there’s something between us.
A fire that we kindle but try to put out as if we are ashamed,
Blinded by the light.
But as that fire grows larger,
It becomes harder to control.
At some point,
We must accept the warmth that the flames bring us.

By being with you,
I had learnt many.
How I could feel complete sadness,
And happiness,
With love, I grew for your soul.
How I could not wear my favourite shirts,
Perfumes,
Because they reminded me too much of you.
That all favourites change.
The love we feel for someone or something will always be replaced,
That everything must and will,
Move on.

When I’m happy,
I only realise after the felicity has left my mind,
Which makes me feel guilty for not realising the feeling at the moment.
Though when I’m with you,
I can feel the rubato of my heart,
Knowing that I’m existing,
Together,
With you.

If I’m honest,
I’ve always looked at you as if you were mine,
The way the sky looks at the ground when it rains,
The way the moon looks on the bright but dark ocean at midnight.
That one day when we were walking down the leaf-covered path,
Our hands intertwining without knowing.
However, a label has never been made.
We would stare at each other from across the room,
Almost as if there was a wall,
Bounding us from seeing each other
But that one walk,
It almost seemed that for like a moment,
You were mine and I was yours.