Aniseed

Aniseed Jun 2015

There's a sting in my chest.
There's stiffness in my limbs.
There's a grimace on my face
I can't wipe clean.

How did you think this
Was going to happen,
Silly girl?
All it was, was a
Summer breeze.
Just like litter,
After all.

Please understand that
This sorrow is bitter
Yet brief,
And I will shake off
These idyllic whimsies
And fruitless endeavors
In search of a life
More savory in its rewards;
Shake off the numbness
In my fingertips to
Burrow them deep in the
Earth so that they draw
Energy to the very marrow
Of my bones.

For there is still
So much to learn
And so much to see
That fickle lapses
Of romance have no
Room to interfere.

And I will not be deterred.

#love #sad #heart #living #thoughts #emotion #bitter #silly #determination #fickle

Aniseed Jun 2015

Self Assessment

I must never lose sight of myself
Lest my heart churns thoughts
Into poison
And everyone into a villain.

Sometimes you see yourself much differently than how other people see you.

#self #heart #thoughts #reflection #realization #judging #opinion #bandwagon #micropoetry

Aniseed Jun 2015

Old Journal Writings III

Somedays, I'm not
Sure why I come.
Strings of my feeble
Heart coming undone.
Frayed ends throbbing
Like the nicotine craving
In my head.

The sober call of
Loneliness from my
Drunken soul.
I speak to this here
Ukulele to feel a
Bit more whole.

But in the end, it's
Just an object that
Can't think or speak
Or feel,
And I wonder if
Anything I believe
In is real.

Some days, I'm not sure
Why I stay.
Something tells me I can't
Express myself, anyway.

Not in the way I
Want you to understand,
Anyway.

Sitting in these crowded places,
I'm a face in a sea of faces.

A face in a sea of faces.

Not my senior journal, but one after. Technically, this was supposed to be a song. Supposed to be.

#lonely #music #loneliness #crowd #introspective

Aniseed Jun 2015

Old Journal Writing II

I lie with eyes
Stinging with a lack of
Sleep, open with a
Burning gaze boring a hole
In my ceiling.

I had woken from a dream
Of a man with the skin tone
Of my morning coffee, and
A stare that stripped
My body from my
Quivering soul.

-------------------

Moments of slipping
Out of class to take
A peek at the dense
Fog rolling in.
Hovering above
The skin of our
Heads like a smoky
Halo of water
Particles.

The thick, grey air
Has probably never
Seen such a
Beautifully dead
City.

-------------------

With rooms shrounded in
Undertones of dull grey, what
Can I do but conceal my
Own color so that the walls
Don't steal it away?

I wish that this
Tension underneath
My skin could just
Seep out of my
Pores and alleviate
My soul from its
Unbearable pressure.
Let it trickle
Down and evaporate
Into the warm,
Sunny air.

Another installment of poetry/prose from my senior journal.

#dream #coffee #smoke #fog #introspective

Aniseed Jun 2015

Old Journal Writing I

My life is slipping past without me realizing it. Moments are passing with a blink of an eye.

I am writing because I will never remember when I wrote this. I will not remember what I had for breakfast, what book I read, or where I went out to eat. I will never remember what colors the sunset was composed of, what song was stuck in my head. All that I will have of this day is this piece of writing - this one thought. And even then, this will be erased eventually, and I will forget everything I wrote.

I will forget everything.

I recently uncovered a journal I kept during my senior year. A book of mind garbage to dump thoughts in, instead of doing homework. Thought I'd share.

#forget #remember #writing #memory #prose #journal

Aniseed Jun 2015

O Me, O My

The food had no flavor to it.
There must've been a spice somewhere
But all it did was sting her tongue.

There's noise, talking and television
And dog snores that she can't tune out
Even if it all blends together
Incoherently.

There's static in her brain,
On her palate,
In her ears.

And all the while she's screaming
While sitting silent in her chair.
Screaming in third person.
Screaming pretty words
Like a diary entry,
Saying, "O me, O my!
Look at these woes!"

Scorning those who build crosses to bear
When she's in the assembly line.
Hypocritical martyrdom.
Closet elitist.

Walking contradiction in every way.

This was private once. Then I figured, "Why not?"

I should start thinking about happier things. It'd probably be healthier for me.

#silent #static #introspection #hypocrite #contradiction #whine #elitist

Aniseed Jun 2015

Tunnel Vision

I took off my blinders today.

I saw around myself
The life I neglected
In my tunnel vision,
The inauthenticity
Of my behavior.
I saw the box I so happily
Dwelled in and
Make-believed that I was
Doing something
Important.

I saw my hypocrisy in
Looking at others
And make-believing
I was made of
Something different.

Maybe I can be, now.

Because despite my acknowledgement of personal faults, I also have a bit of an ego.

#human #introspection #realization #hypocrite #pretend #fault #humble