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I stand on the banks of yesterday
Watching moments slip away
Like leaves on a river's gentle stream
Lost in the current, a memory's dream

In the depths, I see reflections of you
A fleeting glimpse, a heart that's true
But like the water, you're gone from sight
Leaving me with just a fading light

The river flows, a constant beat
A reminder of time's relentless repeat
Moments lived, moments lost, moments dear
All swept away, leaving only tears

Yet, in the flow, I find a peaceful place
A sense of surrender, a gentle embrace
For in the river's heart, I hear a voice
Whispering wisdom, a heartfelt choice
memories, and longing
I know I pull nerves sometimes
Your stomach left feeling hollow
Chest rhythms identical
In your footsteps swear not to follow
A solid lump forms in throat
Weighing down heart
So fragile I experience pain
Cry even miles apart
I may not have gotten to select you
But I wouldn't have ever picked another
If death kills you hope you haunt me
Because I can't imagine life without my mother
Written before my mom passed away so reading it again makes me cry...
Tears rain onto cheeks as you watch
In my head wheels spin around
Speech crackling like phone line static
Words blurs barely making sound
How can it be I already epitomize alone?
You reassure me there's plenty of time
Doubts creep like morning fog
Mentally assessing mountain you must climb
Staring at fragile fingers
Present compared to past
Sun set in an instant
Night falling fast
Surroundings mostly hazy
Some parts crystal clear
Ironically what I witness best
Are the things I long to disappear
I'm left with knot in my stomach
Getting tighter with each turn
Wanting peace known as a child
Naivete time won't return
I bought one-way ticket to worry
Shouldn't have boarded train at all
Choke my sorrows and lungs with smoke
Drown yours in alcohol
Life nicer through a glass
Sure it ensures your fear departs
Pulse started pounding louder in my ear
Love wistfully contained within hearts
I cannot explain terror
Bleeding out
Hole will not close
Stubborn ways too old to change
Your incongruence shows
Forcing hope straight down throat
Waiting for falsity to be revealed
Flowers you planted instead of weeds
To be crushed on cruel battlefield
Your comfort tonelessly whispers to me
Thought that would soothe my stress
Did not argue with your perspective
For your sake try obsessing less
But under surface shrieking
Phrases pondered remaining hid
Grasping for method to save you
Before you are gone and I wished that I did
This sure does hit hard now

Written 6-9-22
In my darkest hour my thoughts wander, sometimes too far and sometimes just yonder. I find myself in total darkness, without a torch or word of kindness.

Entrapped in space, where sorrow thrives, enduring the pain of a thousand knifes. I feel the tears gather in my eyes, as a hundred questions in my mind arise.

A place beyond, where the forsaken dwell, between the garden of Eden and the gates of hell. Where there is no sound but the sound of silence, or desperate laughter, or cries of violence.

The taste of bitterness ran in my mouth, as my head revolved, from north to south. My heart beat accelerated and exceeded the rate, while on its drums, it violently played.

I hear the queries in the drummers beat, should I advance or should I retreat? My soul is standing on some rocky ridge, do I descend or just cross the bridge?

My thoughts are shattered, for help I call, but my words resonate in a desolate hall. Amidst of worries I seek a light, a sign of hope, or a hand of might.

I have grown weary while strength I assemble, as my feeble hands began to tremble. It could be  light there in the distance, must I bide or seek assistance?

To my Lord I appeal in times of stern, at one’s leisure, good deeds you should earn. My heart is joyful, when dancing to its beat, what tasted bitter, has now turned sweet.
Softer than rustle of leaves in the wind
Or shifting grains of sand
Nothing compares to blanketing warmth
You emit with touch of your hand
One touch is all it takes to light my heart on fire
Your side untouched for what felt like eternity
Written 3-8-21
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