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Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
That night you first kissed me
Was scared to say how much you meant
I had never met a guy as special as you
Eight years ago I already knew you'd leave a dent

Guilty of letting myself fall too hard
Filled with determined hope
Had never experienced real bliss before
Happy ending dangling from a reachable rope

Was young, silly enough to believe
A little attention made me pretty special
Eyes held promise and longing
No longer alone, with the devil

Together drowned in forever feelings
Underneath bright hallway lights
Vivid memory impossible to undo
I will not forget that exhilarating night
I wonder if he remembers...
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
Bruises on our broken hearts
Never completely go away
I do not know when we will start to heal
Days seem neverending, the sky is always grey

I will never again view things the same
Cradle me in stories one last time
Let me curl up, build a home in your arms
Savor your presence as it's only mine

Your edges do not match mine anymore
Losing sleep to make shapes fit
Trying to force puzzle pieces in place
Never thought I would be here salvaging this

You may not be prepared to end this just yet
Accept more minutes in time will not repair
Realize at this point in our story
Love is a word we used to share
It just doesnt feel right now. I still love you but I'm not in love
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
I have been trying to forget the past
The moments that make up you and I
Do you realize how hard this has been for me?
It tears my heart to shreds to say goodbye.
I wish you coukr aee why I did whaf ai did and had to hurt you. What do I have to do to show you it hurts me too?
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
You have been my closest friend from the day you were born
Back when you were just a tiny puppy
I promise to always protect and provide
As much love as you have given me
For my dog Mocha
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
Will I ever be able to move forward?
Space grows more and more,
How can I accept that things
Cannot be as happy as before?

I adore the familiar memories
With greater depth than what's in front of me,
I cannot stop being in love with you
Though being around you stopped being easy.

When we are smiling life is simple,
We buzz with passion and energy,
When things become rough we start shedding blood
From wounds no other person can see.

We are in this hopeless place,
Light is fading with our contentment
We cannot conceal true feelings any longer,
Faces have betrayed inner resentment.

The battle has left our hearts scarred,
Constant war neither can win,
Always felt like I had no choice,
Our house a combat zone I'm fighting in.

Concrete beneath us cracking,
Inching us towards despair,
As words left unspoken crackle
Like fireworks in tense air.

Shield myself the best I can,
Buried under plans lost,
Thick oxygen too toxic to breathe,
My lungs seep red, I cough.

Forty ropes keeping me back,
I lack the tools to cut,
Blade of bravery long since broken,
That's the reason I stay in my rut.

I'm tired yet I incur no change,
I obey this overplayed routine,
Turn on the faucet, I cannot do it myself,
So I can wash my hands of you and be clean.

Hard to leave you behind completely,
You make it impossible to take the first step,
My veins flow with love only for you,
I will go far from here but never forget.
How do you say goodbye to the one thing you never thought you'd lose?
I went from a lover to a liar in a heartbeat;
the flip of a switch as soon as I heard I could get what I'd been craving.

The jolt of electricity through your bloodstream, the feeling of being alive with your senses on fire, the ability to seem untouchable: superhero like even...

Almost nothing compares in that moment, but in the afterglow, when your cape begins to lose its wind and your heart starts to slow, nothing feels worse than pondering it's destined finale.

Discovering your conscience, all the while knowing that no matter how much you love someone, the poison always comes first.

It's a terrible reality, the ability to choose.

And I always choose wrong, down the path of the chemical adventure, knowing that at the end, I always inevitably fall off the cliff.

But it's an obsession: being on top of the world, and no matter how much time passes, or how far I think I've come, she always wins.

It's the slow onset, the clarity, the peaks where everything seems far better than it actually is, but now the dream is over.

I need to let it go or it will consume me; living in a false reality, locked in to my need for perfection.

She used to calm me and make me godlike, but now I've fallen from my pedestal and upon looking up, I see she turns me into the monster I've never wanted to be...

Hiding, in shame, from the soul I love the most. I wish I could tell her, divulge all of my secrets, but the fear of the disappointment on her face is too much for me to bare.

Because I know she could help me,
if I would just tell her the truth.
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